Friday, January 25, 2013

WHAT'S HEAVY ON MY HEART...

I can't figure out where the time goes... I wish there were more hours in the day.  There is so much I want to do.  And yes, i know there is difference between things that I have to do, and things that I want to do!  The want to do's don't win over the have to do's very often!
 
life has been throwing some curve balls at me recently, sometimes  I swing and completely miss, sometimes the curve ball is to low and i try to just watch that go right by me, and other times the ball is too high, even over my head, so I try to just let it be... then there is the pop fly and i'm out, or the foul ball and i get to try again, the forced walk, I'll take it even tho sometimes thats the easy way out...I really like the feeling when I totally connect and it's a homerun, better yet a grand-slam!
 
I have realized that my brain doesnt shut off very often, lots of thoughts running thru it....and as i have those thoughts, i love having a pencil on hand, i try to jot them down in my "have faith in God" journel and also make a mental note of it.  It's been said and i have personally experienced the magic is in the pen...writing is very soothing and theraputic for me.. for my soul. Tonite or this morning being its 2;24 a.m., i should be putting this computer down and try to get few hours of sleep, yet the mind and heart are two powerful devices... just blogged and posted "A TRUE FRIEND".(which i left 99% of my friends out, not on purpose tho..Steve Y. i love you most). and i feel like i could keep writing... especially my Dear Dialysis thoughts, my journey at UOP, frustrated in life, if so, change your focus, the mightly mighty ocean and all its beauty, a lost art of being kind and honest with others, along with figuring out that this world we live in would be much better if we talked to each other instead of talking about each other.  My addiction and recovery at times is a challenge to open up and share with others, yet i do and will continue to do so... i just seem to have this wall around me and try to keep most an arms lenght away, with the fear and personal experience, when someone turns and walks the other way, and they don't tell you the truth, they cant come clean..hummm yet honesty was agreement #2, and if any friendship or relationship is gonna work, you have to agree to disagree.  On a happy go-lucky note...cant wait to blog about the candy man can, brand new pair of roallarskates and i got a brand new key, funny face i love you, and Miranda Lamberts airstream song, lil miss Viana's (my granddaughters) 8th birthday this weekend, and something i am already getting nervous about, why, i dont know, but i can feel anxiety already coming on, it hasppens every year this time...With God's blessing and comforting hand, in less than 24 hours, it will be an amazing, yet challening  4 years clean.  Praise God, cuz without Him and my family and friends, i couldnt of done it on my own. I know and strongly believe that what i cant do for myself, God will, and also i believe that God won't bring you to it, without helping you it. I love the Bible verse Phil 4:13..All things are possible thru Christ.
 
So, it's not good-bye...it's until we meet again..all because of His AMAZING GRACE..


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