I don't even know how i feel.... well i do know how i feel, but it changes from day to day or hour to hour even minute to minute. Sometimes I'm sad, sometimes i smile, sometimes I'm angry, and sometimes i cry. Losing someone you care about is never easy, and I believe it's even harder when their soul is taken was to soon.
Dear Casey,
Just want you to know, I met your mom and dad. I wish it was different circumstances, then it was. Renee and I got to Turlock Memorial Park and Funeral Home to take part in your celebration of life. We were a few minutes early and had the opportunity to talk with your mom and dad. It was a pleasure to meet them. I knew they had to be respectful people, just knowing how you lived your life. Your mom was visiabley shaken, and your dad was trying to be strong. Casey, when i introduced myself and Nae-Nae to your folks, i loved your dad's response..."oh yes, you are the mom that gave casey the 3rd degree before you would let your daughter date my son" . I reassured them that they had a very polite, respectful, fun, shy but outgoing son. They would love some pictures and memories of those 6 months or so. Nae got some extra pictures for them, we will mail them soon. A few things your dad said has stuck with me and for sure stood out, i will share those words with you soon.
First, i so loved your best friend that you grew up with. As he was sharing highlights of your childhood, your boyscout days, your swim team and water polo. He was telling us what an outstanding althelic you were. He shared with us how you guys loved to have a good time, double dating and all the jokes you guys like to pull. The best part. is when he came right down next to you and did a little fun dance and said "here's to you Casey". your friends dad had many uplifting and inspiring words to share. he even played his guitar and sang, and asked us to join in with him to "HOW GREAT THOU ART" Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder, consider all, the words thy hands have made......Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee....When Christ shall come, with shouts of acclamation, to take me home...Then sings my soul...How great thou art! (this has always been one of my favorites)
Your Uncle Greg was next to share some very meaningful memories. He made us laugh...he shared with us how you used to want him to pull your finger, and how you got your first wedgee and even said "do it again Uncle
Greg". He had so many memories of you growing up.
Greg". He had so many memories of you growing up.
Your success from Berkely, graduating with high honors, the water polo team, how you were named All American , were all mentioned. Then your sponsor took the mic.... If there was a dry eye in the funeral home before your sponsor shared, they wasnt any more. He knew you, loved you and was so proud of you. He had millions of inspiring, fun and, witting words , that fit you so well. He shared with us your love for music, your love for not just music but for lyrics and how you loved playing your guitar. Nae-Nae and I both smiled, remembering when you saw her guitar propped up in the cornor of her room. She has always loved the guitar, but had no idea how to play it! Your life taken way to early, perhaps you could of taught her how to play! Back to Chris, your sponsor. He couldn't stop bragging on you, i believe he had everyone wiping their eyes with tears. He knew how intellignet you were, how you didn't want you to waste your life, you had so much potential.
Casey, looking at all the pictures of you and your family over the years, showcased your personality, your tenderness, your desire to make your family proud, and your passion for life itself. You were a natural leader so the people in your cirlce stated. Your smile and grin was so contagious, your blue eyes sparkled ( kinda like Nae's light up). Your sincerity was very obvious., your honestly, i heard you didnt hold back, you were honest. It's hard to explain how quickly things took place. I believe God had plans in crossing our paths. I can say i am a better person because of you. I enjoyed our texts, you telling me to enjoy Mike's wedding, you telling me how shy you are, but you will step up to the plate. You promised me you had a helmet for Nae whenever you took her on your harley. You told me not to worry, she is safe with you. Thank you for that....not only am I a better person, so is Nae-Nae, and anyone eles's life you touched. I have the text that you told me how well you were doing, you were working two jobs, and playing softball and most important staying clean and doing the next right thing. Your trip to Tahoe for your birthday and the great times you and Nae had. The tears when she left on her move down south, you carrying her stuff out to her car, in between all the tears, she was so hestitate to leave at this time, but because of who you are, you encouraged her to live her dream and the 375 miles between you two would be ok. because when you know you know. It's not for me to say what or how or why things changed, but i do thank you for the smiles and giggles and the brightness you brought to her life. Thank you for sharing a small part of your life with us.
Casey, your mom was brave enough and couragous enough to read a poem to you filled with millions of emotions.... and two things that completly stood out for me was when your sponsor asked each and every one of us to "please don't hate the addict, hate the disease". Very strong direct words, casey you know how strong the word HATE is... no one could hate you, i cant imagine anyone having any negative words or thoughts about you. Your dad was standing next to your mom up front beside you, and your dad said something that will stick with me forever and ever, and make me see things from mulitiple angles... He said a few words and he thanked everyone for coming this day to celebrate your life of 32 short years. He acknowledged and thanked each person who took the time to come and pay their respects to you and your family. He said" no matter what world you knew Casey from, because as most of you here today, knew Casey had 2 worlds." Your dad asked each of us to please continue to talk about you, share stories that took place, and to "PLEASE KEEP MY SON CASEY ALIVE"
Casey, I know you were there that day, and your spirit was among us... yet, i realaized that day that you crossed the river, your fight with pain and life in that world was over. I know you didnt mean to... this disease stole your life, we have been robbed of many more years, many more smiles, many more fun times, I understand Casey... this disease was in your head, it was calling your name, this disease strolled into your life and wouldnt leave with out you. This one world of yours was turned upside down... yet please know Casey, you will live forever in our hearts , we will do whatever we have to in order to keep your memories and spirit alive. Most importantly, i want to teach the world, to not hate the addict, just hate the disease....
The fianl statement and final picture on your day of celebration of life... the slide show and music by 2pac "So day after day, ride after ride. We'll hook up on the other side, till we meet again homie"
Casey, you will always be apart of my story, so thank you for that...
because of His AMAZING GRACE.......
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