The world of addiction....It was that one day when I realized my life was different...i was different, a bad different, nothing was as i remembered it. It was stepping into the twilight zone. A sudden tradegy in my life that i felt very responsible for, like i didn't do enough to save a life. I didn't know how i arrived there, but i sure knew that i was there, and at the time it didn't appear as though there was any way out. The fear that hit me consumed me. I was cornered by my addiction and there seemed to be no where to go. I know i needed help but HOW? WHERE? WHO? WHEN?
This just seems like it is something you read in a newspaper, yet when this happens to you or to someone you know and love....
the world of addiction...is a world of ups and downs, and this world doesnt discriminate... young or old, black or white, rich or poor.....the drug world wants you, dead or alive...
This is a field that i am headed in, its a fantastic joy to watch someone break free of the chains of addiction and learn to build a better life...yet in the same breath, my heart breaks for those who are still out there, who want to change, who want to stop the insanity....they are good people who make poor choices. In my mind, this is what the drug, any drug would say to you or to me or to the neighbor, or your boss, your friend, your son, your daughter, your mother, you father, the police officer or the clerk in a grocery store.... no one is safe.....
Dear you and you and you...
I've come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy, nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody, especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthly and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you feel fearful and paranoid for no reason at all, and i want you to wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me. I'm even in your dreams.
I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I'll be happy enough if i can put you back in the hospital, another institution or jail, but you know that i'll be waiting for you when you come out. I love to watch you slowly go insane. I love to see all the physical damage that i'm causing you. I can't help but chuckle when you shiver and shake when you freeze and sweat at the same time, and when you wake up your sheets and blankets soaking wet. It's amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while at the same time i work on your brain, destroy it bit by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me.
The countless good jobs you have sacrificed for me, all the fine friends that you deeply cared for- you gave them up for me. and especially your loved ones, your family and the most important people in the world to you. I cannot express in words the gratitude i have for the loyalty you have for me. You sacrified all those beautiful things in your life just for me. But do not worry my friend, for on me you can always depend. After all you have lost all those things in your life by devoting yourself to me.,
You can depend on me to keep you in living hell and to keep your mind, body and soul.
FOR I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTILL YOU ARE DEAD MY FRIEND.
FAITHFULLY YOURS......
YOUR ADDICTION...
addiction and recovery is such a huge passion of mine.... i do despise this diasease....i dont always understand it....but i do know that addiciton is a disease, and the only way you can get treatment is to first admit you need help....and i do know this disease wants as many people addicted and dead
because of His AMAZING GRACE....
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