HAVE YOU PLACED YOUR ORDER YET?

JOY

LOVE

EXCITEMENT

GRATITUDE

APPRECIATION

HAPPINESS

FRIENDSHIP

BLISS

 

There are so many things we would like....yet we havent asked for them.  If we don't ask for anything, we may have to settle for whatever life hands our way.  Why not take the time to ask?  We don't have to be too specific, just ask.

 

Think about this....

 

walking up to the counter at the local fast-food restaurant and asking if they had our order ready.  "What order?" the counter person would ask.  "Did you phone one in?"  "No, but I thought you might have something for me behind the counter anyway."   That's absurd, we might say.  How could we expect them to have food ready for us when we hadn't yet placed our order.  Exactly....and how can we expect the magic of the universe to start bringing us the things and experiences that we want for our life if we haven't named them yet.

 

So, we ask ourselves...Have we placed an order yet? Maybe we thought about it at the beginning of the year, but put it off until we had more time to think about it.  And everyday we stand at the counter of life asking "What do you have for me?"  So don't wait, ask for what you want....adventure? excitement? Love? health?  Put it on the list, write it down.  There is no guarantee that you'll get everything you request.  Life/God may have other plans for us.  But we'll never know whether we can get what we want unless we know what that is  and  ask for it first.

 

 

This may all seem silly..yet Jesus tells us" ask and you shall recieve, and all things are possible thru Christ.  That's enough for me!  I will trust and obey, for there's no other way....." to  be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

 

 

because of His AMAZING GRACE....

 



Mazy-Grace

Again, those who know me, know how much I love His Amazing Grace

 

 

6 years ago, i would of never imagined that I would have a small lap dog, yellow labs is all I ever thought I'd have.  One day, Renee decided she either wanted a baby or a puppy! You got it, her dad quickly said "puppy"!  So the two of  them went together and bought "Ellie".   Oh how we fell in love with her.  She was very calm, very cuddlely, and we loved her eyes. She soon fell in love with us too, she had an outgoing personality, and didn't know a stranger.  She traveled well, love the ocean and running with the big dogs on the beach.  Ellie had no fear, and nothing made her happyier than greeting us as we arrived home.  She loved  CHEESE, and always knew when you got into the frig, she just thought it was her time to have some cheese.  She loved when we would say "wanna go to grandma's?" once we got there Miss Ellie ran straight to the kitty food, gobbled it all up and then expected more.....

 

One day she was here and happy and healthy and the next needed a blood transfusion if she could survive long enough for the blood to reach Manteca.  Very very difficult day.  She didnt make it:(   It left a huge hole in our hearts, she was so sweet, and was capatiable with all of us.  Each day, we missed her more and more.  Only peace of mind was she was reunited with Buddie.

 

The Lord knew all along that He had a plan for us, and when we least expected it, a lady walked into the feedstore with a 6 week old shitzu  puppy , long story short, we got that puppies sister! She delivered her to us, and renee and i were completly surprized.  We fell in love immediately, she was 6 weeks old and so likeable.

 

Within minutes she felt right at home and all the  unconditional love!

 

Puppy-love..... now what shall we name her?

Several names were brought up and mentioned...the timing was just perfect...when we all felt this huge hole in our heart, a sadness we weren't sure how to get over missing Miss Ellie.  This new little Shitzu puppy was hand delivered to us.  For the first few days, i think she was beginning to think her name was "NO-NO" or "HEY"...I knew and it felt right, so her name is " MAZY-GRACE".

She also fits "crazy-mazy and lazy mazy". 

 

She is such a fluffy bundle of joy, and she can turn any object into a toy.  She loves to chew on anything new, a ball, a bone, or even a shoe!  She loves the sprinkles, every plant in the yard, loves to bring me snails, and loves to pull each and every pedal off of the camilia bush, kinda like making a bed of roses. 

 

Lil Miss Mazy is very curious.....anything new, she has to check it out....On this day, she decided to surf the web! Hopefully she didnt order anything! So far, no bill in the mail!

 

Bathtime....kinda looks like a large drowned rat!.  It takes at least two of us....yet she does really well during the bathtime, she is even fairly good while i blow-dry her. 

 

I'm pretty sure if Mazy-Grace could talk she would somewhat say...." I know I can be a handful, but i'm pretty sure i am irresistiable that no matter what trouble i find myself in,  you will always love me. Each morning i greet you with warm wet kisses, and i think i have you guys trained now, whenever i go potty on the potty pad or even outside on the cold grass, i so deserve a treat from the brown paper bag....sometimes i pee on the carpet just cuz i have a small bladder, and i cant hold it any longer.  Thank you for loving me, and I am sure God loves me too, cuz he gave me so many things to chew...rugs, plants, bricks and hinges, i really dont care, what i truly like is underwear!

 

Oh, by the way....bring Viana back over here, she was so much fun, i loved that she got down on the floor with me and let me climb all over her ..her hair is almost just like my rope, yet no matter how hard i tug on her hair, it doesn't come off, but i will keep trying! oh goodie, she is coming tomorow night and and and...i just cant wait!

 

Hey.... who is that??? Why doesn't that puppy come out and play with me? Wait, she is...whatever i do, she does!  and she is really cute, kinda like to get to know her, i bet we'd have alot of fun....

 

No... i refuse to be tugged around, I'm not going!  just because you are bigger than me....Ok, Ok, I will go, but it may take me some time to get the hang of all this lease, collar contraption!

 

I love this little girl too, even if she doesnt pay attention to me, she lets me bite and pull her hair.  she even shares that big grey soft pillow with me.

 

Did I tell you how much i like to eat and shred anything i can get in my mouth, and remember the day you locked me in the bathroom for an hour...that soft white paper was easy to tear and pull, i think you said something about toilet paper... I'm pretty fast, I can out run everyone who lives here, i run and slide and run and hide.  I found this certain spot in the back room that has piles and piles of soft pajama's on the floor, i love making a little nest in them.

 

You do know I like to chew....please don't be mad at me for chewing the black cord,i was just bored! i heard you guys talking and i'm sorry that was your computor cord.   I love to bark, you seem to think i will make a good watch dog.  Most of the time, i am barking cuz I'm happy to see you, you see thats my way of communicating with you, along with tilting my head to the side, I'm very expressive! 

 

I know when you guys have had enough, and you can't take much more, that's when my tushy gets shoved out the door.  I love it inside, but outside is best, lay in the cool grass, and have a good rest.  i find socks and shoes, and sandals...that first bedroom...I love all the stuff on the floor, i drag stuff out of there everyday.  that man that goes in that room...he is cool.  He plays with me sometimes too.

 

That squeaky man, the squeaky shoe, plastic bone and catnip squirl, the yellow duck with the black tail feathers.....oh and the tall purple thing in the cornor in the kitchen that you push around...it always seems like its after me...the swifter i think.  I bark at shadows, i bark at the wind, and oh i love those tasty dryer sheets that fall in the hallway.  I love blankets, thanks for sharing with me. 

 

I try to sneak up slowly to begin nibbling on your neck and chin and ears...I have sharp sharp teeth, that slice like razor blades.  i only want to play, i don't mean to hurt you, but I'm a puppy, don't you see? I race through the house and scatter my toys, i ricochet off the furniture and make lots of noise....I can seem to jump high striaght into the air, i just cant get my coorniation to jump up on the chairs and couch, i know its just a matter of time though!

 

 

Well, it's been fun here.....i think i will stay here, i seem to have it really good here...and you treat me good, i think i heard you say i was spoiled! 

 

Remember as a puppy i am your fluffy friend, i will always have a paw to lend. I like to lick and i like hugs, just look at my mug....A smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye....I love you..

 

 

 

because of His AMAZING GRACE....

 

 

 

 

TRUST ME......

How many times have you heard those words...."TRUST ME"

 

 

Trust is the hardest thing to find and the easiest to lose. I can't speak for anyone else except myself, but I can listen, and the more I listen to others.....the more I see that trust is a huge issue with many people.  I personally believe that to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.  I heard some say these last few days that they learned the best way to prevent their heart from getting broken is to act like they dont have one.  With that attitude, and having a hardened heart, they have found that doesnt work either.  I came across this short story about a father and his daughter....

 

 

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.  The father was kind of scared so he asked his little girl " sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river".  The little girl said " No, daddy, you hold my hand."   her dad was puzzled and asked his daughter " what's the difference?"  "There's a big difference, If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go, but if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."    You see, in any relationship the essence of trust is in the bonding....So, i think we should hold the hand of the person whom we love rather than expecting them to hold yours....

 

 

Forever, well as long as I can remember, I have a tendacy to keep a wall or having a guard around me.  I don't let many people inside that wall, it's takes awhile, if ever.  I will admit I keep most at an arms lenght away, due to having the fear of being there one minute and gone the next...I don't do well with that! I'd like to say that I'll start letting my guard down when people stop giving reasons to keep it up.    I openly admit that I may have trust issues, but some people seem to have an issue with the responsibility of being trusted. 

 

If everyone was to really take a look at themselves and ask if they have ever been betrayed, or the trust has been broken, most have encountered in some kind of broken trust, either they were the trust breaker or the opposite end.  I feel really strongly that people who truly deserve your trust are those who will never have the courage to lie to you.

 

Trust takes years to build, yet seconds to shatter....trust is like a broken mirror...once its BROKEN you can never look at it the same again.

 

Sometimes, you have to take a chance because what if??

 

WHAT IF?

 

Belle never loved the beast?

Ariel stayed as a mermaid?

Cinderella never forget her slipper?

Snow White never ate her apple?

 

what if they never met them, him or her?

 

Life is not a fairytale, but having someone you can trust, is worth more than any magic Walt Disney has to offer!

 

Hello... of coarse no one likes to be lied to...the worst part of being lied to is knowing that you werent worth the truth. And trust is not about who is real to your face, it's about who stays real behind your back. Trust enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the palm of someones hand, knowing they will be handled with care.....yet when you trust someone with your life, when you trust someone to never share you with someone eles, when you trust someone to keep their promises and they don't...how do people do that? how do they sleep when they lay their head down on a pillow? when you tell someone your inner deepest thoughts, dreams, fears, and believe in your heart and soul these things are safe with someone, then find out later they weren't safe at all.  You can't trust someone who lied to you...especially when it was agreed upon to agree to disagree and it be ok, and when strictly honesty turned into a lie here and there. yet i can say.......

 

"it isn't your fault, it was mine for believing every word you said!"

 

Just within days i have seen many women with trust issues, both ways..they can't be trusted and they can't trust anyone.  They have cuts, scars, bruises, lies and fake laughs.  Fake smiles, constant cries and a horrifying past.  Promises broken, lost loves and the" trust me"  that didn't last.  Some give up and some refuse to give up...at some point we will be able to trust again

 

Because of His AMAZING GRACE....

THE JOURNEY OR THE DESTINATION????

 

Whether it sounds like a "cliche" at times or not....you decide for yourself....is it the journey or the destination?

 

I have yet to decide.....the journey is ever so important....yet in order to get to the destination, you have to go thru the journey.

 

I have been on this journey for over 4 years now...i havent shared it in it's entirity....bits and pieces here and there....some know, some don't, some were there every step of the way, some are just hearing about it now.  Steve Y., I hear your encouragement and words...."it's your story, so tell it."

 

There is NOTHING that I CAN change, Lord knows there is plenty I WOULD change if I could. So, I have to decide which direction my fingers on the keyboard are going to take this blog, right now at this moment.....

 

Ok...since i will be thnking about this all night and probably not sleep a wink...i have decided where this journey (which i will share more of later) has taken me....actually in less than 10 hours i will be at the beginning of just one of my destinations...

 

My heart, my desire, my passion, is falling into place.  When you least expect that phone call....it happens.

 

I can now say I am pretty open with people about my addiction, about my recovery, about my life, about losing people I love to this ugly disease...the names are endless, and to me they are not just a name....they are people who have touched my life, who have made my heart reach out to others, they are people who only wanted a better life for themselves, a better life for their families and their loved ones....they never meant to hurt anyone, they never meant to make you worry or keep you up all night, they never meant to make you cry, they were simply wives, husbands, fathers, brothers, sisters, employee's, mom's, dad's, son's and daughters....they were good people who made bad choices....they could smile, they could love, they could be your friend, they could date your daughter and make her fall in love with them,  yet the disease of addicition doesnt discriminate....young, old, black, white, male or females, grandparents, people with degrees, doctors, dentists, pilots, construction workers, people who graduated from Berkely or Fresno State, people who rocked babies in the hospital nursery, dental asssitants, city workers, or even full-time mommy's. This disease is real and ugly and won't give up, EVER!

 

When I first entered rehab over 4 years ago, I was given the advise of keeping a journal.  I do like writing, somewhat obvious, yet writing my thoughts and feelings with the chance of someone reading them, scared me...made me feel less than, made me feel ashamed of my actions.  Yet, I figured these people knew better than me, so I took their advise and kept a pen and paper with me most of the time.  I wrote about the horrible withdrawl symptoms that i was feeling.  I figured if I were really explicit about it, there was no way in the future that I could sugar coat it myself and convince myself later that "it wasn't all that bad".  I wrote about resentments, i apoligized, i wiped tears from many pages, and i was taught to open up and share yourself with others.  The word "intimate".."into me, I let you see."

 

You know, recovery is a trying process, to say the least.  It's tough on the addict or alcoholic and it's tough on the family. Many people say that one of the most difficult aspects of addiction is that you really have NO IDEA what to do. If you're a family member trying to help an addict , you probably haven't been through this before.  This is new territory.  and if an addict has been down this road before, well they haven't learned the lessons they needed to.

 

Dang-it....so where was I?  That's right, the destination i will have reached in less that 10 hours.

 

A very close friend dropped a brochure in my mailbox for UOP Substance Abuse Counsloring program.  I threw the idea around, asked my family and few friends, and prayed hard about it....July 2012, i started a journey that I had no clue what exactly I was getting myself into.  This excelled program was Monday through Thursday 6 pm to 10 pm, for the next 6 months.  I have to say, it was one of the most challenging commitments i had ever made.  I left work in my scrubs, jumped on the freeway and practically lived out of my car. I stayed up literally for days and nights doing homework. I met some amazing people, again mostly recovering addicts, good people who have made some bad choices, yet all grateful for the second chance we had been granted.  For me and my personal journey, i had never taken a college class, little lone remember much i learned from high school.  No algebra, geomentry, biology, chemistry, history, ever stuck with me, so i was pretty much starting from behind square one....yet my passion and desire to learn about about this ugly disease that I despise so much, was and is very strong. First there was a class called something like "treatment plan writing"....no clue for this girl that it was English 101...boy was i in for a long ride.  I had never heard of ( and if I did hear of it, i forgot it) a fragment or a run-on.  I had heard of verbs, adverbs, adjectives and nouns...yet i had to learn all over again.. I had never used Word Document, learned the difference in subjective and objective writing. This is in no particular order of classes but i had Dr. Kirkwood, for group counsloring, co-occuring disorders, He pounded REBT into our heads, along with CBT, he layed out some relapse prevention strategy for use with various kids of clients.  We learned about bipolar, depression, dual personalities, how addicts will deny, rationalize, blame, and minimize their disease. We touched on improving relationships, overcoming obstacles, learn better communication skills, resolve old issues learn more about ourselves and how to deal with others in our lifes. Then was a retired instructor that frankly layed everything out on the table and did not hold back, and wouldn't let us either.  He oepnly talked about every STD out there, every communicale disease imaginable and shared pictures with us...If we didnt feel like BFF's or comfortable with one another, this class changed all that, we were not allowed to hold back....now when I hear the word "Truvada", i know what this word is..  i now know much about "Methadone Clinics", about uppers, downers and all arounders.  We touched on the basics about tolerance to benzodiazepines, and barbiturates. Yes, then there was Dr. Elizabeth Maloney who taught us all about developing an assessment, brief and vague screenings, as well as in-depth screenings...."CAGE'..."DAST"..."ASSIST"..& "TWEAK". Dr. Maloney couldn't reiteratie the importance of confidentiality and trust, to be an active listerner, and to let the client take the biggest part of their treatment plan and what is most important for them to work on.  Then there was Joe Dittman, a retired Parole Officer, had never taught before, but knew his stuff. Towards the end of the program, we were blessed to have Pastor James French work with us in our last two classes.  Our were made to take a look at our belief system, our openness, to not judge a book by it's cover, and to step out of our comfort zone and do or look at something out of our box, our comfort zone.  The people I met....joe (veitnam vet, on dialysis, holds a special place in my heart)...Damion (the best chef ever)...(Eddie, my protective friend who would be sure i made it out to my car each nite)...Stephen, (the over acheiver) Angelia ( our american indian advocate..love her spirit) Cynthia ( a young mommy of 3 girls, making a better life for her and her girls, so proud of her and love her) nancy..(knew her through the dental office), ok, my eyes are getting heavy and my mind slwoing way down.....Yet 2 important things happening on the same day....in less than 9 hours....

 

First, i am at the point to put my knowledge, faith, hope and experiences out there and share with others. There is worth in all these experiences of pain, of honesty, of courage, of strenght.  Tomorow, I hope my amazing God gives me the courage to stand where i had once had been...yet fortunate to carry on, and have wisdom to know the difference, and have the compassion and kindness to offer to other addicts who are still suffering, and to let them know there is another way to live. 

 

So, i will close with having shared with  you just one of my journey's...and the destination being there at 9 am Thursday morning, March 21st, 2013, a women and childrens treatment and recovery facility.  Even though, it is a destination, the journey begins all over again for me. (and a 6 pm class reunion with my classmates back at UOP)

 

I feel and believe like i was given a second chance in life, i was 3 feet under, but God wasnt finished with me...He had different plans...I am a survivor, and i believe i need to take charge and utilize my experience for the good of myself and hopefully others.  The past is ONLY used for teaching and healing...to say "YES, I KNOW that pain.  It CAN get better.  I know that God is leading me and has plans for me...He has opened this door for me, and i will trust Him.  I know this is not an easy career, yet I feel so strongly that God wants me to share and work with those who have suffered at the hands of others in ways sometimes too horrifice to name.  They are caught in a web of shame that seems almost impossible to overcome. The abused, abandoned, shamed, hated, beaten back down and up and down again, they carry invisiable scars, they are aliendated from the happy go lucky crowd, and the moms where CPS has stepped in and taken action.  There comes a point in life, when most substance users wake up and realize enough is enough, they become ready to move past their instant gratification lifestyle and crave a direction and purpose in life.  I am excited to start this journey in a few hours.....and I know through all the butterflies and my social anxiety, God will have my back and I am so blessed i have such prayer warriors on my side.....

 

Because of His AMAZING GRACE......

WORDS TO LIVE BY....

This evening.....I was looking for one particular saying that I wanted to use on my next blog, before I could find it, my mind and my heart was touched and led to stop that blog and start this one. 

 

Everyday, there are things that you hear or see or that you may wish you could apply to your own life.  I love quotes, and inspiration and the passion of other people.  So, I have decided to share 10 or so sayings or quotes each day if i am able to.... i pray and hope maybe one of them will touch you, lead you and help you and maybe even share them with someone you care about or love.

 

I always ask God to help me say what He would want me to share with others:

 

 

"Sometimes God calms the storm...sometimes He lets the storm rage and He calms His child"

 

 

"Your future is as bright as your faith"

 

"Gratitude turns what I have into enough"

 

"When God takes something from your hands, He is only opening them for something better"

 

"If He knows a single sparrow falls, He surely knows your needs today"

 

"Faith is knowing one of two things will happen..There will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught to fly"

 

******"Be mindful of what you toss away, be careful of what you push away, and think hard before you walk away!'

 

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace"

 

"give but don't allow yourself to be used...love but don't allow your heart to be abused.  Trust but don't be naive.  Listen to others but don't lose your own voice."

 

"If GOD is all you have....you have all you need" 

 

 

You know sometimes we all just need a break from everyday life...Our thoughts are spinning, our legs are moving, our hearts are pumping....so take a break...."would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

 

Because of HIS AMAZING GRACE.......

NOTHING LIKE THE OCEAN....

For the love of the ocean.....this is one topic i could non-stop talk about.....i am pretty sure i could live there day in and day out.  All 5 senses come alive...sight, hear, taste, smell and touch. 

 

 

The sight alone of the ocean is such a reminder of all the beauty God blesses us with.

The ocean is amazing to me, because it can be so calm and peaceful, or on another day in another part of the planet, it can be raging with huge crashing waves that are just beautifully stunning

 

to hear the waves crashing, to hear the seagulls calling, to hear sea-lions barking, cranes making their noises, and kids and parents giggles and running from the waves.  Late at night, when no tv, when no one is talking, you can hear each wave breaking, each bit of sand and pebbles hitting against each other. 

 

Now, the sense of taste....i'm not as adventureous as some....Keep it simple for me and I'm happy.  Shrimp, crab, lobster, salmon, tuna....i can do without clams, muscles, shark.  Sometimes and not on purpose i've tasted the salt...

 

Smell....the salt-air, nothing like it.  Even if you were blindfolded, the smell of the ocean would give it away.

 

touch....I'm leary about what i touch in the ocean.  i like to look, but hesitiate to touch!  You never know, it could sting you, bite you, poison you, jump at you, and of coarse startle me.  Plus i have an aquaitance that is a marine biologist....and have followed her love and respect for the ocean and all that it holds. Love you Brit!

 

i love messages in the sand....you can be so creative, your artsie side can come out, and if you've ever wanted to be a articheit, what a place to start...just need your plactic shovel, several different sizes and shapes of buckets, a plastic cup and your imagination. 

 

couldn't resist....see what can happen to you, if you don't put sunscreen on and you are at the ocean for hours! Ouch...

 

On an early morning walk during low tide, as you come around the bend, u can see this...and just imagine you are in Rome, until someone ruins it for you!

 

The sunshine alone makes me happy to be at the ocean, but the water and the waves are a huge factor, as is the colors.  It is just so amazing to me, to be able to see reflections on the water, the life it contains within, the mysterious and adventures that can be had, all on or within the ocean. I think of the great depths of it to the very shallow tide pools and marvel at all the interesting things that can be explored and found within it.

 

Feelings can't help but come into play, at least for me, but i've been told i wear my feelings on my sleeve, surprize surprize!  I can be having just about any kind of day, good or bad, and can always feel better just by being by the ocean or thinking of my next time by the ocean. It is simply beautiful to me....it warms my spirit and my heart always. I love even pictures of it.  I love the lighthouses, i love the islands, i love all the stories and memories that i know of it that have anything to do with the ocean.

 

I have been on Mexico beaches, Southern Calif beaches, and up North also.  I have been in Canada, in Belize, Honduras, Alaska, Galvistien, Texas...crusied the Caribbean...these were trips of a lifetime.  You can imagine how happy i was, whether early morning, or late night and pitch black out, I loved just the sound of the waves..  I have been to Hawaii, loved the clear ocean and how far my eyes could see, all the coral, feeding fish.  I have to say HMB (Halfmoon Bay) is my favoirte.  Granted it is only little over an hour away.... i get to enjoy kite flying, watching surfers, imagining what the ships are loaded with, down in the harbor, watching the fisherman unload their goods.  I love to stroll through the shops, climbing on rocks in jetties, i love the mist of salt air and all the noises, i love the kayacs, the belly boards, the wet suits, the outside showers, frisbee, tossin' a football, being buried with sand, feeling the warm sand betweem my toes, finding a complete sanddollar...

 

As you can probably see, and hopefully can feel even just a little of how i feel, how and what it does to my soul, i encourage you to feel warm sand between your toes, feel the warm sunshine on your back, apprecaite all the living creatures that call the ocean their home. let the child in you build a sandcastle, run from a wave before it gets you, look at the footprints in the sand....walk on to the end of a pier, and simply just be....JUST BE.....

 

Because of HIS AMAZING GRACE..... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



A SPECIAL FRIEND.......

I have been wanting to share this for the past 3 weeks or so.... yet I was waiting for the "right words".  Tonite, I realized the "right words" may not ever come to me.....you see, I am probably over cautious when I want to express something.  One of my beliefs is once something is said, you truly can't take those words back...I always believe that when you trust someone with all things about you, and trust they will never share those things with others and they eventually do, one of the worst things one can do, break that trust.  Anyways.... like the title of this blog "A SPECIAL FRIEND" is about someone who, well, is very very special.  We have been thru good, bad, deaths, and births.  We have had long in depth conversations, we have enjoyed lunchs, we have enjoyed watching our kids and grandkids find their own path. We both have millions of memories, things we will never forget. No matter what, no matter what time, no matter what the circumstances, no matter how, and no matter why....it is simply a SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP.

 

One friday, not very long ago, we planned a lunch date at 12;30 across from my work. I have to admitt, it's not very often that I am without my phone, or have it out where I can see when someone calls or texts....yet on this particular day, i simply dropped my phone into my purse and honestly didnt look at it for almost 4 hours.  Yes, we didnt just have lunch, we caught up on 2 plus years in a mere 4 hours!  We both joked about they may charge us for a booth that we utilized all afternoon.  Back to my phone, when i did look at it out in the car, i only had few texts and one missed call.  It was an amazing afternoon...an amazing feeling to not let my phone take away any precious moments, minutes, or hours with my special friend.  This person and her husband will literally give anyone the shirt off their back.  Two of the most kindest people I know, the most sincere, the most loving and trusting people I know. 

 

Not only did i work with this person at VODG , God had other plans for us....He crossed our paths, He knew all along what He was doing.  Because of our amazing God, my life has been blessed over and over by having this "SPECIAL FRIEND" in my life. 

 

Writing has been an out for me, it has been very theraputic for me, and it has maybe helped me get past my "social anxiety", well not passed it, but has helped me be able to let people see inside me. see my passions, desires, my dreams and goals, writing has helped me with 4 years and 52 days as a grateful recovering addict.  Writing has helped me heal, helped me have less resentments, and has given me hope, given me strenght and  given me the ability to start to open up to others.  If you have read any of my blogs, you will be able to see that I'm not a poet, I'm not a great speller, yet i write from the heart, i have been trying to express my feelings, thoughts, ideas, as they come to mind. 

 

Back to "MY SPECIAL FRIEND".. She on the on the other hand was blessed with the ability to not just express her feelings, but able to put some rhymn to her words.  She wrote a poem for me, and yes she titled it  "MY SPECIAL FRIEND" This poem has meant so much to me, i framed it, and have read it a million times... and I would love to share it with you.  As you read the words from the beginning to end, you also will see how amazing our God is, and has everything planned out for us, even though He may not show us right now, today!  We just have to trust and believe.  I would like to share the poem she wrote for me, as it is still framed and sits out on my dresser.  Actually, as we did some remodeling and painting, the framed poem meant so much to me, i put it in my safe. As you read the poem, know it was written at least 20 plus years ago.

 

 

"MY SPECIAL FRIEIND"

 

When I was little, my mom would pray, that God would send a special Christian friend my way.Through my life, I've had friends, far and near, but it wasnt untill the middle of my career, when I was at work, He opened a door, for me to make friends, acquaintances, and more.  But with this person, we weren't friends at first, and just when I thought it could be no worse, she came to my house to give all the reasons why i should work for "Dr________________, just give it a try"  this started a friendship, and the seasons went by, and when it came Christmas, I was so lonely I could cry.  My friend could sense this loneliness in me, something my husband didnt even see.  I had parents to spend time with and such, but to go there two days in a row was in his opinion too much.  So my friend said "come with my family, there will be Santa Claus"  Through 10 years of Christmas' that come and leave, my friend said you be sure to come over this Christmas Eve.  Now this Christmas, God has blessed me with a child of my own, so I will start my family traditions at my home.  I'll miss my friend, her family, and traditions this Christmas Eve.  But I thank God and honestly believe He will bless this family, as they help others in this same way.  I write this poem to my special friend only to say, I am so thankful my mom continued to pray, God did send a special Christian friend, and her family to me.  Her name you probably know by now, is Sherri.

 

As I re-read this poem, it still brings warmth to my heart, tears to my eyes and joy to my soul.  It's not often in life that one finds this type of friend.  One that you can trust your life with, one that you can tell them any secret and they keep that secret, one that promies to not share you with anyone else, or one that says forever and ever and no matter what! 

 

I am so grateful, so happy and content, so blessed, so much wiser and so lucky to have a friend that raises the bar and you know "NO MATTER WHAT"

 

Special friend, you do know who you are....and thank you for all you have done, all that you do, and most importanly just being my friend, for listneing, for your support and for unconditonally loving me and never judging.  God is great and prayer is poweful and i just want to simply say "THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU"

 

 

Because of His Amazing Grace.......



DATE NIGHT.......

I'm gonna say i believe this was our first one on one date night.....it was much needed, much wanted, and much enjoyed...and i cant wait for another date night with this really special little girl....

 

Miss Viana, my beautiful granddaughter....

 

Not only was it special for me, it was extra special for Viana as she was meeting our new puppy "Mazy-Grace"  They became instant BFF'S.....I am gonna try and share this special evening with you, and recapture all the love we felt and will treasure forever....

 

Just a quick foot-note.....My son Mike not only met, fell in love with and asked one beautiful lady to be his wife, his best friend and his everything....he was extremely blessed to be able to fall in love not with just Beatriz, but with her lovely, sweet, browned eyed little girl...Viana.  I can't express enough how blessed we all are by having these wonderful girls in our lifes.

 

 

Our evening began.... (like a progessive dinner agenda....and the choices were all hers!)

Debra...i know you will read this and i already know your reaction! Lol...but what the heck, it was all about the fun and excitment of what and where next?

CHILI'S..... for drinks and appetizer's.....We felt pretty special, with over 25 people wating for tables, we walked in and being it was just the two of us, they had a table just for us!

 

yummy...motzerella cheese sticks and a spirte for Viana and a Blackberry ice-tea for me.  A perfect way to start our evening....every waitress was exceptional.  Viana thought it was cool that one of the waitress knew her, even though Viana didn't know her.... Brenda your smile is so contagious, and thanks for being so kind and friendly, she thought it was cool you knew her mommy and mike.

 

Really.... this seldom happens to me, but unfortunaltly it did tonight.  I made a quick phone call to Renee and let her know my phone was gonna die but please dont worry about us.  So these we the only pictures I was able to capture, but the memories are just as special.

 

Oh, now when we get back to the truck ( yes we had her dad's truck, cuz they had my car for some reason) and I notice the "E" gas light is on....shoot we gotta get to the gas station quick....yet Viana says that light doesnt really work, not to worry, we won't run out of gas.  Sure enough just out of the parking lot to our next destination, it miracleously said we had a half of tank.  So, with no phone and not sure if i had enough gas or not, i take her word for it and it all turned out... we didnt run out of gas.

 

Next stop:   McDonalds for soup/salad ...ok, ok..cheesebruger and fries with bar-b-q sauce.

 

Now for the main course: Taco Bell....soft taco for me and Nacho's and cheese for V

 

Maybe we need alittle time for all this food to settle....her choice bowling or hockey game.  We weren't dressed accordingly for an ice hockey game, but what the heck, its not often you wear shorts inside an ice arena!  We were little late, so parking was a challenge, but we found a parking spot, and made our way across the street and a beautiful walk along the Delta, the waterfront path.  It kept going through my mind, just be brave Sherri, don't give her any indication that you're somewhat

nervous, after-all, it is Stockton.  I did my best to pay attention to our surroundings, yet it was so easy to just get lost in our own little date world.  Her hand fit perfect in mine, as we heldt hands, swinging our arms with every step.  The warmth of her hand, the soft skin, embracing mine, her wanting to skip and not having a care in the world.  The lights shining on the water, the palm trees lite up with white lights at the Waterfront Hotel, the outdoor fireplaces guests were enjoying, kids and adults alike swimming under the all mighty millions of stars and a bright moon that reflected so beautifully on the water. Few hard questions were thrown at me..Lol...most know how simple minded I am, so i answered the best i could and just advised her to ask her dad for sure....if i remember correctly she wanted to know how fish breath while they are under water!

 

Once inside the arena, she wanted to race me up the stairs, 3 levels of them! I think i was out of breath before we started!  I'd like to say i LET her beat me, there was no question, she won fair and square!  Oh my goodness, the snack bar was calling our name..... bottled water for Viana, diet pepsi for me, a pretzel with cheese (not a good pretzel ).... Let's see..... DESSERT - TIME....

 

DIPPING DOTS..... Not being a fan of dipping dots, tonight I was..... the excitement, the being intrigued by them, asking how they are made, what flavor i like, can we make them at home, can we buy them in the grocery store and then our attention quickly turned  to the music and the big screen to the popular "gongim style" (something like that).  Completely hillarious...at the same time we dared each other to get up and dance.... then there was the "kiss cam" and "smile cam" and Thor and the puk throw, the ice machine smoothing the ice and standing up to try and catch us a free t-shirt, the fight after fight and then the "i'm freezing, shall we go?"  Of coarse we can,,, whatever you want to do, after all i asked you on this special date....So once again, hand in hand we enjoyed our walk back to the truck discussing what was next.....Decision made...Walgreens for a snack to eat while we watched the Christmas Parade in Disneyland and DisneyWorld.  Whoppers, gummy-worms and jolly ranchers, were picked out to share with her grandpa and auntie Nae-Nae, as they should be home from their date!

 

Not being an all-night, stay up late party girl, we were quickly found in our pj's, settled down for the evening, sharing our good time, and bonding and playing with "Mazy-Grace"

 

Mazing says "you arent going anywhere, stay right here with me!

 

"Hey Viana, lay down here so i can get you!

 

Ha-Ha, i got you...i love you soooo much!

 

Hey, that's my hair, let go "Mazy"  Ponytails appear to be the puppy's favorite! She just hasnt got it figured out that the ponytail stays connected, no matter how hard she tugs at it!

 

 

There is nothing like having the love of your life laying and sleeping on the floor right next you.  A fabulous date nite, a slumber party in the living room, breakfast of champions, which included a Reese's Peanut Butter cup, jolly ranchers and gummy worms, some cartoons, laying on a blanket in the front yard enjoying the bright sunshine and watching Mazy explore new terrority and staying in pj's till daddy picks me up.

 

What a fun time....I play and share well with others usually....but I have to say I enjoyed being somewhat selfish and making it all about Viana and I!!!  Please know baby girl how special you are, how much i cherish and how much I love you!

 

I love you this much (                                            )

and i love you the most!!

 

 

 

Because of His AMAZING GRACE.....

 

 

 

 

 

MY SILLY CARD ADDICTION....

I don't think I could ever have enough cards...greeting cards that is... each card has a special saying for that special person...

 

The last 12 cards i purchased:

 

1.  You're on my mind...smiles, sunshine and butterflies (hummmmm, 3 things i love) thinking of you and sending all bright things your way.

 

2  .A little sunshine especially for you....hope you feel as good as new real soon

 

3.  I like having you on facebook, but would rather just lose the book adn have your face here instead..i miss you.

 

4.  life is a journey...not a destination.

 

5.  Indulge in idleness....take the time to sit and relax and just be.

 

6.We must walk consciousley only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.

 

7.Shoot for the moon.  Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

 

8.  May there always be an angel by your side.

 

9.  Look within...be still

 

10, 11,12 and 13  all mailed out...

 

 

There is no way i could have too many cards...yet i was blown away to see that cards are as high as $7.95.....so it was brought to my attention..."let's you and I  make cards!  great idea greg..i cant wait!   

 

I have a special friend from church (Ilah Turner...) that for many many years was our Sunshine lady... she thought about, cared about and sent out cards to the members of the church.  Ilah has always been such an inspiration to many, including me....

 

                                                 Because of His AMAZING GRACE...

AND THE BELT GOES TO.... WITH AN 3-0 DECSION...

Who would of thunk????  That this girl would little lone watch a cage fight..  and not just watch on TV, but would actually pay money, drive all over and and stand up and cheer and yell with the best of them!!  Well, I have been saying the little box that I live in is and continues to expand...and I am glad, a few more life experiences. 

 

So, it's been said that Mike Person's is the other son we always wanted! I only know he lives here because every now and then i have to switch over his laundry so i can do a load, i have to wait awhile for the hot water to build up after his LONG shower, and i hear the toliet seat drop because it won't be a pretty sight if Nae gets up in the night and the seat is up,(she warned him!) i never knew someone could eat tostsadas or chinese food almost every night, i love the smell of fresh brewed coffee him and nae make daily, it's the sweetest thing to see him pick up the puppy and cradle her, and when she steals one of his socks and he has to chase her down,! i have so enjoyed watching the Bachalor, x-factor, the Voice and American idol all together....i believe he likes those shows as much as we do! 

 

As family and friends, instead of making a New Year's resolution, we each thought about and picked one word to live by, improve on, and truly pay attention to, and hopefully grow, learn and inspire others.  Mike Persons put alot of time, consideration and passion into his word "ASSERTIVENESS".  When i looked up the word, according to Mr. Webster he explains it as "neither being passive nor aggresive, but positive." other definitions included "inclined to bold or confident assertion" and "standing up for your rights and not being taken advantage of"  This one word is so quickly fitting for Person's.  He is so discplined, so focused, and has an unlimited amount of passion for life.

 

I knew in High School, he played football with mike, along with wrestling and to finish the school year out, they both played tennis.  4 years of 3 sports a year, Mike is just a natural altheic.

Not sure when he decided or dabbled with martial arts, but is he ever good at it.

 

It is know that Mixed Martial Arts fighters are the best athletes.  Not only do they have to have strength, speed as well as stamina, you gotta have superior conditioning through power, speed, muscular and cardivascular endurance, agility, balance, coordination and flexibility.

 

I have to say I didnt think i would ever be interested or even be able to watch Mike fight. I have heard the words "grappling"..."submission"..."Ultimate fighter"..."tap-out" and i'm sure there are more, i'm trying to learn the lingo!  I've been told MMA athletes not only have the mental strenght to have inside a cage, they need all the physical attributes to back up their fighting skills.  Strenght, speed endurance and being able to get hit and continue on.  You need to have a second and third wind and try to outlast your opponent and yourself.  then there has to be speed and agility, you have to be able to move from side to side, forward and back.  As I watched Mike in the cage, he was able to hit his oppenent from the front, move to his side, , kick his legs, move back in front and hit him again, as they move in a circular motion.  I watched Persons' mix up kicks and punches beautifully, while faking a shot for a takedown, and be able to move away at a possible attack from his oppenent.  As he was explaining to me earlier in the day, he has a tendency to throw some of his oppoenents off by being a" South Paw".. Well, whatever he does, he does it well! 

Out of 18 fights on this particular night at the chicken ranch casino...8 of those fights were out of the Oakdale gym...needless to say, there were many fans for the Oakdale fighters.  Mike's oppenents' name was Buddy, and apparently it was a fairly matched fight.  Before I forget, Mike has lots of fans, supportive ones who travel hours and hours to be there, and did i mention he is now 4-0 in his MMA career.  All those late nights at the gym in Lodi, all those early morning work-outs and all the weight training with alex have paid off, and the break from pizza and fast food and no more alcohol was well worth it.

 

Round 1...

Round 2..

 

Round 3...

 

and the champion of the middle weight art of war  fight is Mike Persons... He now is the holder of the belt in the 185 pound class. Not sure i have all the details and lingo correct, but considering im a newbie to this sport, im listening and learning all the time!   and couldnt be prouder of this young man...his focus, his desire, his passion and his disipline are helping him become the man God so desires him to be.

 

because of His AMAZING GRACE...

 

 

 

 

 

 



A DOG IS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND...

I'ts been one week and one day...since little Miss Ellie went to "Doggy Heaven"

 

Dogs bring happiness and love into our lives and they give us much more than they take.  Always had  yellow labs, it was a new experience having a little dog, a Shitzu.  I did not realize she would be such high maintience....toenails done, face hair cut all around, her fur getting mats and running eyes. Yet in return, I fell in love with this little girl... and her special name of Ellie D.O.G (the Ellie after my father-in-law)  She taught us the importence of relationship and acknowledgeing our loved ones in small ways. She taught us loyalty and how to abide, even through hard times. Ellie was so devoted, affectionate, quirky, and completely irreplaceable...She loved the ocean, and would chase the big dogs and she truly thought every person on the beach was there for her! She never knew a stranger...morning noon or night she was ready to go....go anywhere... her favorite place to go was grandma's house... first things first, straight to the kitty food, and leave none in the bowl for the cat! They used to tease me and say Ellie was gonna turn into a cat:(  She had a tendency to hide, yet  the word "cheese" or the sound of the baggie with the cheese in it definelty brought her out of hiding  She brought so many people happiness, dog lover or not, she could win your heart 

 

A short 6 years of loving this little girl and feeling her love in return. There comes a day all pet owners dread.... the day we have to say our last good-byes.  Many dogs suffer from chronic disease which takes away their quality  of life bit by bit yet for some dogs the end comes in a rush, hit by a car,  or for no apparent reason, they hemmorage and cant breathe...regardless cant help but feel shocked and a void as big as the Grand Canyon.  Tears flow, unanwered questions, and trying to figure out why? Why so soon? she loved each of us as we loved her and just assumed she had many more years of bringing so many people joy and laughter.....

 

What to do now?  is it now my time to get the white labordor puppy i've wanted for a long time? yet my intelligent son reminded me how much they shed, how long they chew things up, how often they need to be taken out for a run or a walk, how much they poop and how much they like to jump and escape from the yard, and no matter how big, they believe they are lap dogs....Ok, Ok your right.  The ipads and laptops were never so busy, here there and everywhere, yet every call or email were dead-ends... I figured when the time is right the good Lord would bring one into our lifes.    God is good!  When you least expect it, well it was the perfect place afterall.  A lady holding her Shitzu puppy that she had just picked up at her mother in laws in Oakland, was standing at the counter in our feedstore wanting to buy her new puppy dog shots..the conversation continued and it all fell into place....a few hours later we had this little bundle of joy delivered to our house... lots of whining and wiggles and oh what a long nite! Puppy duty can be exhausting..lol!

 

our dear Ellie will never be forgotten by those who's heart she stole

 

 

from minute one....this little one stole our hearts...it's been 6 years since we had a puppy though, and how soon i forget what all I am in for...don't eat my phone cord or those shoe strings... oops mike Persons, he has one of your socks...the smell of puppy breath, the wetness of their nose, puppy kisses and how they love to snuggle...she has already learned in 3 short days if she goes potty outside, she gets a treat as well as if she goes in the house, she gets her nose rubbed in it ( and despises every second of it!) she knows she likes soft blankets and hates her kennel, she believes she belongs just where we are. She loves her puppy food but just doesnt know when to quit!  I think she honestly thinks her name is "HEY". since we are non stop telling her "hey, no, hey dont do that or that!" We almost have her named picked out....(unless we stick with "hey") poor thing has gone 3 days without a name...My first choice was "Breeze", being she has brought instant comfort to my soul, just like a soft gentle breeze.  Yet, we also like "Lola Grace", and "Gracie" or i have to say I like "Mazy-Grace"..when you say it fast, it sounds like "Amazing Grace" and for those of you who know me, knows how much Amazing Grace means to me.

 

Oh for the love of a PUPPY! and oh for the love of Ellie, who brought so much joy and happiness to so many!

 

Because of His AMAZING GRACE...

 



GOD'S LOVE IS LIKE AN OCEAN....

Both God's love and the ocean just go hand in hand... for me anyways.

 

 

 

I love everything about the ocean...the sound, the smell, the warm sand, the shells that are washed ashore, starfish, the breaking waves, building sandcastles, jumping the waves,and footprints in the sand.

 

The ocean is so large, you could  take a few buckets of water out of the sea and the ocean doesn't even notice it.  During the summer-time  as familes on the beach take bucket loads of water out of the sea to pour around their sandcastles, it still has no effect on the ocean.  As I think about that, I can't help to compare that to God's love.  God's love is similar...We draw from His love, and there is much more left.  There is more than enough....When we sin, God's love is sufficient to forgive and forget, even if our sin is big, God's love is bigger!

As I reflect on the ocean and let myself ponder and share with you my passion for not just the ocean, but for God's love, I may jump from here to there, yet I will do my best to express and stay focused.

I love the ocean... She is majestic, mysterious and almost a little scary at times, especially in a storm, where she is capable and does sweep people out to sea with her.  She is also as calming as a soft song on a calm sunny day.  She's got a lot of faces and moods, and i personally love them all.  She is a part of my soul.  There is a sereal feeling to be able to stand and be able to look way into the horizon, and see nothing but the ocean.

There is so much to the ocean, the more I learn all that it contains and its lar-geness, how can I help but to love it even more.  I have many recollections of going to the beach, to the board walk, Bahama's, Florida, South Carolina, Oregon, 13 day cruise to Alaska,  Hawaii, wherever the ocean is , i wanna be there!  I want to watch the sun set every day, i want to hear the waves crash and roar, i want to smell the salt air, i want to watch the fog roll in right in front of my eyes., i want to feel the mist, i want to feel the warm sand in between my toes and I want to witness each wave breaking and gently kiss the shoreline.

Beauty like no other....

 

The ocean is so mysterious....ship wrecks, treasures, sea monsters, mermaids..really? starfish, crabs, shells, muscles, sand dollars, jelly fish.  Low tide is awesome, if you are out there during low tide, you will be in awe at all the life in the sea.

 

Always a new adventure at the beach, the sand changes and reforms, a place to be silly and live for that moment.

 

and there is beach football....

 

A message in a bottle is rare...but a message in the sand is worth a thousand words....

 

the magic moment.... the beach, a light house, and the big question...

 

and she said "YES'

 

Viana.. bigger than life....

 

and no matter what... it's 5 o'clock somewhere!

 

two more that love the ocean unconditionally...lex and Ellie..

 

The sunshine alone makes me happy to be there, but the water and waves are a huge factor, as is the colors of the sea...the ocean is so amazing to me, because it can be so calm and peaceful, or another day in another part of the planet, it can be raging with huge crashing waves that are just beautiful and stunning. 

 

reflections on the water, the life it contains within, the mysteries and adventures that can be had...there is too many to list here.  I can't help but to think of the great depths to the shallow tide pools, amazed at all that can be explored and found within it. When I stop and reflect on how the ocean and  my heart and soul intertwine...Cruises to alaska, Bahama's, Mexico, Belize, Honderous, the Oregon Coast, down the southern coast, deep sea fishing, whale watching, snorkling and Half Moon Bay...You can imagine how happy and content ( yes alexis, happy and happy) i am, whether its early morning, or in the pitch black, not able to see the waves, but able to hear them, just the sound alone is soothing.

 

Feelings can't help but come into play, at least for me.  I can be having just about any kind of day, good or bad and always can feel better just by thinking of or being near the ocean.  It is simply beautiful to me, and warms my spirit and heart always.  I love even just pictures of it, I love the lighthouses, the fog lights, islands, ships, anything to do with the ocean...

 

a sunset to me, is just a reminder that God is the best artist there is, and reminds me of all the blessings from Him nearing the end of a day, and leaves me wondering what He has in store for the next day...

 

This takes me back to the beginning when I mentioned God's love is similar to the ocean...Buckets of water out of the sea to put around a sandcastle you built has no effect on the ocean, just as we draw form God's love, there is much more left, there is more than enough of God's love.

 

Jesus took the penality for our sin.  God is love and hasn't changed.  Never be afraid to call on God and ask Him, we can never exhaust His love.  Our "BIG" requests are "tiny" to our great God who is above all.  Don't try to buy God's love...it's not for sale.  Already paid for, it's free. God loves us, not because of who we are, what we are, where we are.  He chose to love us, because He wants to.

 

Love of the sea.....ever changing, ever moving, high tide, low tide, peaceful.  Whenever i look at the sea, it is different.  The sea has so many moods.  She should be treated with respect.  It is the strongest natural thing in the world, far stronger than anything on dry land.  The sea is so strong, it has the power to erode rock, to devast towns, to wash anything she choses out to sea, she is beautiful, always different, sometimes clear, sometimes murky, full of seaweed, shells, animals, calm, annoyed, angry, peaceful.....

 

God's lov....., never-ending, so deep, so safe, so sincere, so forgiving...

 

Because of    His AMAZING GRACE...