HURRY UP......THIS BUS IS LEAVING.....

This is the story of my life......i might use the words you or us or we but I am referring to me and if it applies to you or if the shoe fits, maybe we will both benefit from this "hurry up" blog.

When you're living a distracted life, every minute must be accounted for.  You feel like you must be checking something off the list, staring at a screen or rushing off to the next destination like the saying : people to see, places to be and things to do".  It just seems no matter how many ways you divide your time and attention, no matter how many duties you try and multi-task, there's never enough time in a day to ever catch up.  Seems like for so many of us, our thoughts and actions are controlled by electronic notifications, ring tones and jam packed agendas.  As for me, every fiber of my inner drill seargant wants to be on time to every activity on my over committed schedule.  I wasn't and I'm still not.  I feel at times like I'm going to crash and burn.  I know by living life distracted, I had tunnel vision- only looking forward ahead to what's next on the agenda and anything that cannot be checked off my list is a waste of time.  I know better, but easier said than done.

There are a few reasons I feel compelled to blog about "hurry up".  One of them is I can never get Alabama's song out of my head...EVER!!  The chorus goes "I'm in a hurry and I don't know why....all you gotta do is live and die, but I'm in a hurry and don't know why."  Seems like it is the story of my life, but I do want to change that.  I want to have more time to enjoy a sunrise, a sunset, a flower blooming, the dew on a blade of grass, be able to watch and be intrigued by an ant carry food, or a bird working so hard on building its nest for the future youngin's or even the beautiful art work of a spider spinning away at its web.  I don't want to take a single thing for granted.

Another reason is one of my closest friends asked me to share with here the secret to not being in a hurry when I figure it out.  So Cheryl, this is for you and for me and the people we directly affect.

You see my kids are grown and started their own careers and families and Cheryl is right in the midst of  a 7 year old's beautiful life.  My life and Cheryl's life have many parellels.  Our actions and thoughts are controlled by rigid agendas which are jam-packed, electronic notifications, ring tones, daily chores that we don't like to veer from...we are our own drill seargents!

As for Cheryl, 7 years ago she was blessed with a laid back, carefree, stop and smell the roses type of child.  Yet whenever Payton caused her to deviate from her master schedule, Cheryl was constantly thinking "I don't have time for this".  Consequencley, the 2 words she most commonly speaks to her little lover of life are "hurry up" and many times she says, "hurry up, this bus is leaving!"  She ( and I, mind you, this isn't just about Cheryl and Payton, remember our lives are so parallel, just that I have 2, and they are grown now.  Well, she had 2 also, Kenny being 15 years older or so) would start our sentences with "we're going to miss everything, if you don't hurry up".  Start the day with "hurry up and eat your breakfast, hurry up and get dressed."  Ended the day with "hurry up and brush your teeth, hurry up and get into bed".  Yet the words "hurry up" did little if nothing to increase their speed...yet we'd say them anyways!

Cheryl and I ( and I'm sure this applies to 1000's of you out there) don't want to be the one who pushes and pressures and hurries our children who simply want to enjoy life.  We both know our "hurried existence" is not for the best.  It's not always easy to slow down and not be in a hurry.  Yet when this finally does happen, it is amazing the things we notice.  Just try to push thoughts of "my agenda" out of  your head and simply observe.  Observe expressions on peoples faces, dimples on their cheeks, sparkle in their eyes, notice lady buys and pretty flowers.  Become a "notice"...because noticers of the world are rare and beautiful gifts.  Noticers are gifts to frenzied souls!

My promise to slow down cane at the time when I began my journey "to let go of daily distractions and grasp what matters in life."  Living at a slower pace still takes a concerntrated effort....but I do choose to live in today.  What do they say..."yesterday is gone, tomorrow is a mystery, and the present (today) is a gift to cherish.  Things seem to taste sweeter and love comes easier when you stop rushing through life.  Whether it's...

snow-cone eating
flower picking
ladybug watching
sidewalk strolling
playing barbies
playing store or school
playing hopscotch
making cookies

I hope I never have to say "I don't have time for this"  because that is basically saying "I don't have time to live". Pausing to delight in the simple joys of everyday life is truly the only way to live.  I'm not saying there aren't times we have to say hurry up, like the dreaded time our alarm doesn't go off, or we close our eyes for a minute and it actually 20 minutes.  I am big on knowing the importance of being prompt and responsible and to respect other peoples time.  Different approaches in life expand our horizons cause us to thing and mull things over and become the most excellent in all we do..work, parenting, and just being.

When you hurry, hurry and hurry....after the big rush, sitting in your car or getting to the destination, just try to remember how you feel.  Most of the time we feel guilt and we tend to blame ourselves for not allowing enough time or being better prepared.  From this day forward, I will take a deep breath, forget about all the things I have to do and ignore the BIG dark clock looming over my head going tiktoktiktoktiktok...I want to enjoy life and notice the little things like the dew on the blade of grass poking through the bricks along the walkway.

So once again...when you are living a distracted life, every minute must be accounted for.  So, let today be the day you stop saying "hurry up" and try to be more of a "notice" a little laid back, carefree, and stop and smell the roses type of person.  Please don't take me wrong, we do need to live up to our responsibilities and respect others time schedules.  I, by all means not saying it's ok to be late to everything or have a who cares attitude, what I'm simply saying is no matter how many ways you divide your time and attention, no matter how many duties you try to mulit-task, don't let your thoughts and actions be controlled by electronic notifications, ring tones, jam packed agendas and to do lists.  take the time to watch the clouds flaot by, look for a 4-leaf clover, touch the edge of a flower, enjoy the last drop of a snow cone, observe miles, sparkles in eyes.

This my friend, will bring much happiness...I promise

All because of His AMAZING GRACE.....

ME AND YOU...AND A DOG NAMED BOO.....

The other night, I was scrolling through my newsfeed on facebook and I came across a post from a friend, Art Limas.  It was a U-tube song "Me & you & a dog named Boo."  so, I clicked on it for old time sakes.  It was probably wasn't the best idea, because it kept me going for over 2 hours of listening to more music.  songs that are from my childhood, even though it kept me up extremely late into the early morning hours actually- it was so enjoyable.  It took me back in time, being able to relate, being able to really appreciate my childhood, being able to remember where I was at the time of listening to this song or that song, being able to remember a first dance, a first crush, first party, or a first ever-lasting love that would never end...regardless.

 

I don't know how to post a song/video on my page for others to listen to, but I can blog about it... I hope this brings some memories back for you....

 

"The Night They drove Old Dixie Down...winter of '65, it's a time, I remember oh so well".

 

John Denver "Leaving on a jet plane..all my bags are packed, I'm leaving on a jet plane, so kiss me and smile for me, tell me you'll wait for me, hold me like you'll never let you go.'

 

BJ Thomas "Hooked on a feeling, I can't stop this feeling, you just don't realize, it's as sweet as candy"

 

Paper Lace..."The night Chicago died...Daddy was a cop...in the heat of a summer night, when the town of Chicago died".

 

Tony Orlando & Dawn "Knock 3 times...I can hear your music playing oh darling..knock 3 times if you want me".

 

BJ Thomas " another somebody done somebody wrong song about a love that's all wrong".

 

 

Gallery "Oh, it's so nice to be with you...I love all the things you say and do..baby you and me have something..it's gonna last a lifetime".

 

Andy Kim "Rock me gently, ain't it good, ain't it right...you are with me..Lord, I feel such a sweet surrender, rock me gently, rock me slowly, take it easy, don't you know, I've never been loved like this before".

 

Anne Murray " Can I have this dance for the rest of my life.  I fell in love with you, I wish you'd be my partner for the rest of my life, when we're together it felt so right, i'll always remember those magic moments".

 

Johnny Rivers " slow dancing, swaying to the music, no one else in the whole wide world."

 

Journey "Separate ways-worlds apart"

 

Air Supply "I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you, what am I without you, there is no easy way, it gets harder each day".

 

REO Speedwagon " I can't fight this feeling anymore, it's time to bring this ship into shore and throw away the oars forever, cuz I can't fight this feeling anymore".

 

Peter, Paul & Mary "Puff the Magic Dragon".

 

3 Dog -Night "Joy to the world,....Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine...if I were the king of the world, tell you what I"d do, joy to you and me".

 

Debbie Boone " You light up my life".

 

Tanya Tucker " Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on".

 

Olivia Newton John " I honestly love you".

 

Olivia Newton John " Let me be there...wherever you go, wherever you wander, I always wanna be there, holding your hand, let me change whatever's wrong and make it right, let me take you to that wonderland, that only 2 can share, see you through in everything you do".

 

lobo " baby I'd love you to love me like I love you".

 

Lobo " don't expect me to be your friend, i love you too much to ever start liking you, or should I just let this story end, because the walls are crushing in."

 

and it was a great way to end my music listening this evening to  "How Great Thou Art"...sung by Anne Murray, sung by Johnny Cash and sung by Elvis Presley. 

 

I have a new appreciate of U-tube and all my favorite childhood songs, and how they brought so many memories flooding back and wanting to listen to even more and this is all

 

because of HIS AMAZING GRACE...

WHEN THE WORLD STOPPED TURNING......

There are so many emotions, so many memories, so many pictures, so many missed, so many remembering and never forgetting 9/11.....

 

Watching the news, reading the newspaper articles, listening to others remembering where they were and what they were doing on this day 12 years ago is still very heart stopping.  Many of us remember exactly where we were and what we were doing.  Most of us were glued to the television not being able to grasp what was happening....most in shock at the sight of that black smoke risin' against that blue sky. Some of us shouted out in anger, some just sat and cried.  Some of us weeped for the children who lost their dear loved ones, and some prayed for the ones we didn't know. Some of us rejoiced for the ones who walked away from the rumble and we sobbed for the ones left below.  Many of us burst out with pride for the red, white and blue...and for the heroes who died just doin' what they do.  Many of us looked up to heaven for some kind of answer.  Many of us are not real political, we may watch local news or CNN, we may not know the difference in Iraq or Iran, yet many of us know Jesus and talk to God, and we remember this from when we were young and taught in Sunday School...."Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us, and the greatest is LOVE."  Some of us may of felt guilty cuz we were survivors, some may of felt alone in a crowded room.  Some of us called our mothers and told her we loved her.  Some of us dusted off the Bible at home.  Some of us noticed the sunset the first time in ages, or we spoke to a stranger on the street.  Some went out and bought a gun, some turned of the violent old movie we were watching and turned on "I Love Lucy" reruns. Some of us went to church and heldt hands with strangers, and some stood in line and gave our own blood.  Some stayed home and clung tight to our families...thanking God we had someone to love.

(those are some of the amazing lyrics and words and thoughts from Alan Jackson)

 

As for me, I personally pray for those lost, for their families, for the huge void in their hearts.  I am thankful for those there now fighting to keep this sort of tragedy from happening again, (I have never been more thankful and grateful for what our soldiers do, having a nephew in the Army and seeing the sacrafices him and his family have to make).  My heart breaks for all of our fallen soldiers and their families.  I still have vivid memories of seeing the second plane hit, of seeing images of those choosing to jump while news cameras were shooting live.  I remember the fall of the towers and the people running for their lives.  I remember the fireman running in trying to help and save others, the cloud of smoke and debris rolling like a huge cloud through the streets, covering people in ash, people covering their face, trying to breath as they run, some stopping to pray and pull others to safety.  People making phone calls, hoping it's not their last and hoping to reach their loved ones.  Two years later, I will never forget flying to New York, to standing in awe and sadness at Ground Zero. As us four girls got off the subway, walked up the stairway and there it was before us...Ground Zero, the raw emotions and tears only one will experience for themselves.  I will never forget all the photos and all the letters attached to the fences, all the poems and memoriales throughout the city.

 

Today, I remember the day that changed us forever.  A day that changed a city and a world and millions of individuals.  12 years later, my heart is still heavy with the loss of nearly 3,000 innocent men, women and children killed in the terrorist attacks on that September morning.  One thing that the terrorists could never destroy though is our shared humanity....I believe a nation became a family and it was amazing to watch a world come together with unlimited compassion. 

 

It was also amazing to see all the different cities and fire departments and groups that stood in silence remembering when each of the towers were struck, when they fell, when the Pentagon was attacked and when Flight 93 crashed in a field in Pennsylvania.  Today so many of us shared a reflection or memory through social media, performed an act of service, flew our American Flag, or simply remembered in prayer.  As I watched and listened as each name was read aloud and echoed across the grounds of each memorial, it made me feel like I was standing side by side with the loved ones of those who's lives were so tragically taken on this day 12 years ago.....so many emotions, and definitely reassuring I will never ever forget 9/11.

 

Because of His Amazing Grace....



DID I LEAVE MY HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO??

As Tony Bennett sings

 "I left my heart in San Francisco.....

high on a hill, it calls to me

to be where little cable cars climb, half way to the stars

the morning fog may chill the air, I don't care

 

My love awaits there in San Francisco

above the blue and windy sea

When I come home to you, San Francisco

Your golden sun will shine for me.

 

 

I feel so very fortunate....with so many beautiful places right here in our own backyard.... Yosemite, snow skiing, the ocean/beach (have to admit, my all time fav, yet no surprise to anyone who knows me) and then there is the City by the Bay. 

 

I have made multiple day trips and even overnight trips to San Francisco, yet this particular trip was definitely the best.  Of coarse the company had a lot to do with it~ both my momma and mother-in-law, along with Renee and Greg.  In a city like San Francisco, with what it seems like infinite amount of things to do, eat, places to see and be seen, and trends to keep up with, or ignore, decision paralysis can set in.  This time with very little planning and just a phone call or so...it was on....A hop-on, hop off open air tour bus excursion.  I'm not gonna say I'm a newbie to the city, but I will say an extreme novice to this huge beautiful city.  On this day, that was all gonna change!  With my past experience in the city, way to much traffic and impatient drivers, way to many one way streets, way to many resturants to choose from, way to many places to see, and things to do.  I will admit, this was a really enjoyable day with so many things pointed and suggested to us, it requires many return trips to this city....after all, "I left my heart in San Fran" (ok, well part of it, someone else has the rest!)

 

We found our way to the Exploratorium, parked and caught our tour bus, ( and we made our way to the top open air deck.  We couldn't of asked for better weather, well since we had actually  placed our request, Mother Nature provided us with the perfect Chamber of Commerce weather!  We know that the city is all about "layers", we were prepared!  I really didn't have my bearings yet, but was looking forward to finding my bearings and explore my way around the city.  Our tour guide and an actual local was very informative, friendly and yes tried to pick up on Renee, without her even knowing it!  The locals say "trying to pick your favorite neighborhood in San Francisco, is like trying to pick your favorite child.  Each neighborhood has its perks and not so good perks.  I cant remember the exact layout of our tour but as things come to mind, I will share with you

 

You know many people dream of visiting the United States of America, but \apparently very few among them gets such an opportunity to visit or cannot afford to visit.  Yet on this day, I'm gonna say we were among the few that spoke English!  San Francisco is the leading financial and cultural city in California, and we were told it is the second most populated city of America after New York City. It didn't come as a surprise, but our tour guide explained that the city is extremely rich in its culture and heritage as well as sports, science, technology, media, arts and entertainment.  Activities to do in the city never cease to end.  I knew from that moment on this city has captivated my mind and this was gonna to be a memorable day.  I listened and definitely paid attention, but I was not able to absorb and retain all our guide had to say, so with no particular order, I hope you enjoy my thoughts and pictures of this nothing short of interesting and intriguing city.

 

The Golden Gate Bridge....I found this interesting....the bridge is not the oldest suspension bridge or the newest.  It is no longer the tallest or the highest, yet it remains the most visited and photographed bridge.

 

 

When I think of San Francisco, I cant help but think of the catching little tune about Rice-A-Roni!  You do know that Rice-a-Roni is known as the San Francisco treat, yet as I was finding out, this city has many more treats to offer than rice in a box!  We skipped on riding the cable cars this day, yet it was fun to see each car filled to the brim, traveling up hill, and hearing the famous jingle of the cable bell.

 

Alcatraz...this is a separate day trip, which we have done before, today a few things were pointed out about Alcatraz.  There is so much history about it, how the name was derieved, and what it means, how it was used for a military base, the first site for an operational lighthouse on the West Coast.  The Us Army used this island for more than 80 years before the Federal Government decided to open a maximum-security , minimum-privilege penitentiary to deal with the most horrific inmates in the Federal prisons.  The average population was only about 260, and it never reached it capacity of 336.  I think maybe if some of our prisons would follow their prodical, prison life wouldn't be so appealing.  The names Al Capone and George "Machine Gun" Kelly did time on Alcatraz.  It was highly structured and had a very monotonous daily routine in order to teach an inmate to follow rules and regulations.  AT Alcatraz, a prisoner had four rights: food, clothing, shelter and medical care.  Everything else was a priveledge and had to be earned. Some of those privledges  were being able to work, corresponding with family members or visits to the library, art, or music. Our guide was telling us about all the ones that attempted to escape, and there are two that they will continue to look for the next 99 years! The prison was the most expensive prison ever to run, actually 3 times more so than others.  In 1963, Alcatraz closed after 29 years of operation.  In 1973, it reopened as a National Park, and visitors from around the world visit daily.  It's a fun and interesting tour, but our day on the hop-on, hop-off bus was just fine for us on this day. 

 

Haight Ashbury....if there's any area in SF that brings the images of the long gone hippie culture, the Haight it is!  There is still fragments of that flower power, incense burning, acid dropping, tie-dye-wearing, peace-and -love-vibing era that can still be purchased in smoke shops and surrounding shops.  Our tour guide said the Haight today is a whole news scene.  There are boutiques, high end clothing stores, second hand stores, internet cafes and hip restaurants.  We were told that the Haight still has a nice just-rolled -out-of-bed vibe during the day--perfect for lazing around in cafes and bookstores, yet you will have to navigate through plenty of panhandlers (but where are they not at anymore?) and tourists. We passed by plenty of homeless near the entrance to Golden Gate Park.  Our guide said it is mainly teens that choose to be homeless and to not give them spare change, its mainly used for drugs.  Yet some will just flash you a smile or a peace sign and ask what's up!

our tour guide was quick to pick Renee out of the crowd and said she would fit in perfectly in the Haight Ashbury area...and to not be surprised if they hollered or flashed peace signs to her.....

 

As our tour continued we passed Jimmie Hendrix house, in the Haight Ashbury area.

the Summer of Love was the summer of 1967, a defining period when people were labeled as the hippies, and they gathered in many cities across the U.S., Canada and Europe.  San Francisco was the center of the hippie movement during the summer of Love.  Up to 100,000 people came to the movement's Ground Zero, the Haigt-Ashbury neighborhood in San Fran.  The Haight was filled with music, psychoactive drugs, sexual experimentation and political views.  The area became closely associated with several significant bands and individual musicians including the Grateful Dead, Jefferson Airplane and Jimi Hendrix/

Jimi Hendrix was one of the greatest electric guitar artists in history, he lived on Haight street for awhile before his untimely death in 1070.

 

I have heard over and over about the Tenderloin district. Well our guide was very informative.  The Police Department is only a half of block away from one of the worst neigblorhoods in San Fran.  The Tenderloin thrives despite its bad rap.  Yes, there are lots of drug dealers, addicts, prosititues and mentally unstable street people.  It is interesting how this area got its name the Tenderloin.  Policemen were paid more to work its mean streets, by paying the cops with better cuts of meat.

the streets are the cleanest in this area, and he said you will be approached frequently by strangers, so just stay alert, and don't go have sundown!

 

 

The finanicial District was so amazing and so overwhelming!

this area serves as San Francisco's main central business district.  It's home to the citys largest concentration of corporate headquarters, law firms, insurance companies, real estate firms, banks, savings and loans.  There are so many high rises, in fact the tallest is the Transamerica Pyramid.

 

I never knew there were 2 China towns in the city.  One belongs to the locals and one belongs to the tourists.  They do overlap and surprisingly they draw more visitors than the Golden Gate Bridge.  They say you don't need an itinerary to tackle Chinatown.  Wondering aimlessly, weaving between locals and going in and out of shops is enough of a plan. I for sure want to go back and experience Chinatown for myself. 

 

Never get tired of Pier 39... never get tired of crepes with nutella and bananas, never get tired of the mini hot sugar donuts, never get tired of Bubba Gumps, never get tired of the view from the Pier, you can see Alcatraz, Angel Island, Golden Gate Bridge, and the Bay Bridge, never get tired of watching the sea lions, or the two story carousel. Did I say its a great place to people watch too!

the flowers just love the cool weather, they bring so much joy to my heart.

 

One time, when my daddy was out here, we had the pleasure to take him to Bubba Gumps to eat, but not realizing my momma had never eaten there, today was the day.  It's a fun place to eat...its a casual restaurant chain based upon my favorite movie "Forrest Gump" and his friend Bubba.

MaMa always says " life is like a box of chocolates...You never know what you're gonna get. Of coarse, everytime I go there, I want to go home and watch the movie again. 

during your meal, if you ever need anything, refills, more tarter sauce, more of anything, all you do is flip this sign over to "STOP FORREST STOP" and that will get the attention of any waiter to stop. Not only is the fish and chips great, the bucket of trash is die for!  I love the part where the waiter/waitress quizes you on Forrest Gump trivia. All about Jenny and how her and Forrest go together like peas and carrots, being a part of the University of Alabama's football team, playing Ping-Pong, meeting the president, starting the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company and being a part of many historical events without even realizing it...it was just another day to him.

 

I love this farmers market area on Pier 39...everything looks so wonderful.

 

the strawberries looked amazing, so did the nectarines, peaches, and apricots.  The price was out of reach though!  We didn't buy anything, but we had in the past, and it was over a dollar a strawberry!

 

Our tour guide told us they normally didn't do this, but today, they were going to go off the grid and take us into the Presidio.  This was very interesting...I had heard of it but knew nearly nothing about it...until now.  It is a park and former military base on the northern tip of San Francisco Peninsula. For 218 years, the Presidio served as an army post for 3 nations.

our guide informed us that the military barracks have turned into pricey condos and retro-hip office spaces all for since the area is still a national recreation area.  George Lucas moved much of his film production facilities to the area which was once a military hospital, he said you could even say hi to Yoda, or you can visit the Walt Disney Family Museum.

Out of nowhere, there was one of only 2 cemeteries left in the city.  This part of the city is beautiful...there is nothing in the world like the Presidio. There is no place so rare that provides unending, varied, and natural beauty to a profoundly cultured city.

 

Ok, lets see....what am I leaving out from our tour..... of coarse..

 

Ghirardelli Square...chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate!  It is a landmark with shops and restuarants that you must visit!  I have to say..."watch out Willy Wonka, you may have a serious competitor in the chocolate department."  Yes, I have a sweet tooth, and if you have a sweet tooth for delicious ice cream, rich chocolate and whip cream, then this place is for you! It will brighten anyones day.

 

This was such a great day, something that was on my bucket list, and I am so glad I can put a big check mark by it, and it would be something I would love to do again. 

 

San Francisco kind of reminds me of a circus. How about "the big top by the bay".  There is chaos, wildness and dirtiness of a circus.  The city is constantly changing its games and attractions, there is so much excitement of a circus, it appears in cable cars, boat tours, bike tours, walking tours, bus tours.  It is a city that seems always at play.  And, like the circus, this is where people run away to.  It just felt like some of that spirit, the people and events and places seemed to have spilled out from some secret big top hidden in the streets of San Francisco.  There are things that the big colorful big red tarp couldn't contain.  However, San Francisco differs from a regular circus (which one is happening in Manteca as I write this) it's spectacles are everywhere....it's sideshows are down practically every ally, in the Tenderloin, Haight-Ashbury, the Golden Gate park, Ghiradelli Square, Pier 39 and Chinatown.  The lights go down, the lights come up and its showtime.....the silver-man, the man who hides behind a bush and scares many who walk by,  the artist, the drummer, the rapper, the singer, the acrobate, and the person who holds a cup out and asks for spare change for beer or weed.  This is a circus/city to see!

 

All because of  His Amazing Grace.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IRONIC......

`50 BLOGS.....

 

I find this kind of ironic....when I counted my new blog topics I've listed or started, but I haven't completed....there were 50 of them! I don't know, just weird, turn 50 and have 50 blog topics.  I very seldom go anywhere that I don't have a pad of paper just in case a thought comes to me. (seems to bug people that I do this, but it's me and what I chose to do)  Sometimes I have writers block, well maybe.  Maybe the real reason is when I don't want to feel, I don't write. Can't write.  Again, I don't know.  I haven't figured out if I stop because I lose interest in what I was saying (I don't think so, cuz my brain is constantly going) or it didn't feel authentic, and if it doesn't feel authentic, what's the point.  Honestly, I think it's because my brain works faster than I can start to finish things, without having another idea, another something laid on my heart. 

 

Since I have started blogging a little over a year ago and something 160 some blogs later, I've lost some friends to this ugly disease of addiction, yet gained some amazing friends and reconnected with some old friends, my dog died, got a new puppy, went to college, got my license as a substance abuse counselor, had some major changes at my job of 32 years, watched my son marry the love of his life and started a family of his own, my daughter finished school and passed state boards for court reporting, with lots of tears and heartaches, footprints of love placed on my heart and promise after promise to all be fake and false,  was blessed to be able to drive home with my parents and spend a month with them in their home and help them with some health issues,  and help plant their garden and flowers.  It just amazes me what can happen in a year, what you can see in a year, what you can do in a year.  I don't think I've been in a place (ok, maybe I have) where I haven't wanted to write about something, just some things are hardest to express than others.  The hardest part is starting, after that, it just flows.  Most of the things and changes have turned out for the good.  I think through all the ups and downs, my hope became unsteady just for a minute, maybe not wanting to face some of it.  Some of it has been a bit of a haze.  I always thought I was self aware and there were definitely moments I truly was.  I am so grateful that i was able to be present in my own skin.  I didn't have to numb the feelings or numb the fear of not knowing the next step, numb the not feeling worthy of anything great to come my way.  I mean after all...I do have lots of amazing things come my way.

 

I saw this quote on facebook and it was just what I needed..."expect to have hope rekindled.  Expect your prayers to be answered in wonderous ways.  The dry seasons in life do not last, the spring rains will come again."  I love this quote.  When things are not going our way or so peachy, our hopes can  so easily vanish.  In the dry seasons of life it's more difficult to expect blessings.  Those are the times I have to take a timeout and remind myself that since God is who He says He is, He will do what He says He will.  There is no doubt!

 

Sometimes faith can be wavering for a short moment, short lived. We need to show up in our own life.  Everyday.  Because this is it.  A lot of us just keep waiting , waiting for something to happen.  Funny though, it turns out that it already has happened, and keeps happening.  This is all part of it.  The not knowing, the uncertainty, the doubts, the hopes, the fears, the disappointments, the joys, the mistakes.  It all gets you to the next right place.  It wasn't very long ago that some wise person said to me and it seemed so important yet so effortless.  They said " it takes every ounce of your past and present to get you to your future"  I whole-heartedly believe that!  I also believe that man sees what we do...but God knows why we do it.  Just do the right thing!

 

So in the meantime.....we need to keep trusting, because this is our life.  I know I want to show up for it and I want to see how my story continues to unfold.

 

 

All Because of His Amazing Grace.....

GRACE IS WILD.....

I absolutely love God's grace.  It is amazing!  By the grace of God, I got to wake up today, by the grace of God I have a job, by the grace of God I'm healthly, have a home, have a beautiful family and friends.  By the grace of God, I am forgiven.

 

If we just keep our faith in God, and happily accept His grace we will find out there will no more room for anger, resentment and negative thoughts.  Sure we can always make room, but why?  It takes up enough time and space.  So, why don't we open up our clinched fists and take a chance on His grace.

 

Enough...long enough.  Grace as it pertains to God....He gives it freely.  Which then brings the question...why can't we give it freely also?  Well, the answer is....We can.  We can choose to say enough.  Enough anger, enough resentment, enough wishing things were different.

 

We all know about forgiveness.  We know that harboring unforgiveness only hurts the unforgiving. 

 

So, just as God covers us with Grace, we need to give it freely to others and also it starts with us, having enough grace to forgive ourselves.

 

For every 60 seconds of anger takes away of a minute of our happiness.....

 

All because of His Amazing Grace.....

I BELIEVE THAT GOD....

 

I believe that God gives us passion and ideas in our minds and writes desires on our heart at an early age.  For sure some paths and directions in life aren't clarified until later on in life.  I believe God starts to sew seeds early on in our years that, sometimes we really don't fully understand until later in life.

 

Sometimes we have a tendency to wavier, but I cannot help but believe that God's purposes always prevail.  You see, He has purposes for our lifes.  Even though we may forget for a moment what our purpose is, He brings us back to our purpose when we look towards Him. Whether it is feeding the hungry, clothing the homeless, donating to a foundation of Diabetias, cancer, MPS, or Alzehmirs.

There's so many passions God has laid in my heart....I want to do it all, including teen moms, alzehmirs, cancer,  kidney dialysis and most important to me is helping the recovering addict realize there is a different way to live.

I have a passion for babies, for my flowers in my yard, for music. for my relationship with God and others.  I have a passion for changing of the seasons, nature, camping, the mountains, slow moving creeks over rocks, smashing waves crashing upon the beach and the smell of salt water air.  Time doesn't allow us to fulfill our passions as we'd like.  I do know that my life is not about me.  The moment that I think it is about me, is the moment that I've missed it.  I've missed the whole point.  The encouraging part is that God brings us back to our passions, to accomplish His purpose.

This was just a touch about passion, wavering and wondering exactly what God's purpose is for us.  It is just the best thing, to see that I can mess up 1000 times and His love isn't going to run out.  His purpose for me will continue to prevail!

All Because of His Amazing Grace...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY....HAPPY PLACE JEFF.....

Today is one of two of the most difficult days of the entire year for me.......I turned 50 two days ago, and Jeff turns 53 today.  For as long as I can remember, we shared our birthday parties....I can't exactly remember party themes, but I can remember the cakes our Aunt Nora would make each one of us....decorated exactly as we wished.  I can still see the images of Jeff and I in our swimsuits, getting out of our pool on Lupton Street and everyone circling around us singing Happy Birthday to us and both blowing out the candles at the same time...naturally he had 3 more candles than me, and always still seemed to blow them out first!  Probably because he was full of hot air!! lol!

I have dreaded this day all year, knowing myself and how I feel, yet my mom being here with me has made this day so much easier.  Her words were very comforting and the prayers we prayed did bring some comfort.  We both admitted that we miss him terribly and this world is missing one less amazing person, yet he is in a way better place than we are, and someday we will be reunited with him in heaven.

I love remembering all the good times we had, how he loved Memphis, music, bar-b-q, watching his son Nick play basketball, Cajun cooking, writing for the newspaper, his yard including tomatoes, peppers, and flowers.  He loved being married and being a dad.  He had many friends, loved photography, loved writing, loved the holidays and family time!  oh yes, he loved being a big brother! He loved playing tricks on me, holding me down and hanging a loogy out of his mouth over my face, sucking it back in just in time! oh and smashed my hand in the car door once, scaring me each chance he got, teasing me that I was adopted, and anything eles I would be gulable about!  Yet many big brother protect little sister memoires too!  showed me the ropes my freshman year, would never let anyone throw me in a trash can, wanted me in yearbook with me and even introduced me to some of "his friends"  yes, I had a crush on Mark, i will admit!

Jeff loved the Lord, there was no doubt...I mean after all he sang a solo on one of our road trips "do Lord or do Lord, do you remember me?"  Not that he wanted to sing it, but on one of our road trips, we each had to sing a song, and this is what he chose!  On a serious note...we came across his Bible that momma and daddy gave him dated August 20th, 1971. There was a homework assignment in his Bible, he had to make a poster regarding "Peace on earth".  He wrote "peace and quiet, dark away from the rat race, no pollution, no smog.....it would be nice to live out there with no wars and poverty.  You wouldn't have to live in constant danger or being killed, no draft cards being burnt.  its the law, a good man obtains favor of the Lord but a man of wicked devices will be condemned." Proverbs 12:2        No doubt in my mind that Jeff is walking the streets of gold and was welcomed with "Well done good and faithful servant."  I do look forward to the day we will be reunited.

For anyone in my life I have to say The last four years have been much more difficult than I ever imagined.....suffering a devastating unexpected loss of my brother..... Jeff was taken way to soon.  We  all grieve in different ways and realizing that it would take months and even years to recover, or maybe never.  I realize that the process of grieving is messy and it can last longer than anticipated.  I hope you realize that I will still cry from time to time.  I still don't apologize for my tears, since they are not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith.  I would just like to thank you for being my friend and continuing to support me.  Even though its been almost five years, I still appreciate your prayers.  At times I may be angry for no appropriate reason, sometimes I'm not sure why, all I know at times my emotions are intense because of my grief.  I may not make sense to you, please continue to be forgiving and patient with me, and if I repeat myself again and again, please accept this as normal.  Your presence and understanding means so very much.  You still don't have to know what to say or even say anything, just a caring glance, a warm hug, or a listening ear speak volume to my heart.  Please don't wait for me to call, since a lot of time I feel overwhelmed, and if I withdraw, please don't let me do that very long.  I have come along way over the past nearly 5 years.  Yet, the pain is still so painful, and it is one of the worst things that have ever happened to me, but I know I will survive and continue to recover.  I cling to that knowledge, even though there has been times when I didn't feel it,  I know I won't always feel as I do now.  I am working on letting go of the emotions and self guilt and trying not to continue to beat myself up.  Laughter and joy has emerged slowly back into my life, and I know it will continue to emerge. Please know I still don't need fixing....that is God's job!  I have to say though... your love, patiences and prayers continue to substain  me through those times.  God is faithful.  He is my substaining  grace.  I pray that God still uses this time of grieving to help me continue to grow and to equip me to minister and help others with greater passion than ever before.    The Lord has blessed me and I was given the opportunity for a second chance in life.  I was in a spot where I really shouldn't be here today, but I know God had a different plan for me, and I won't waste a single opportunity given to me to help myself and to help others. 

So, Jeff, thank you for all the wonderful memories, happy birthday and this is for you!! If I can make the difference in just one persons life, I will continue to share our story...because I know its what you'd want.....

Happy Birthday....I Love you and I miss you...and you will live forever in my heart!





UNDER THE BIG TOP.....

Who doesn't love a fair or a circus?  Ok, I'll admit I wasn't looking 100%

 forward to going to the fair, not so much the fair itself, but the 2 1/2 hour drive there and the 2 1/2 hour drive home!  The fair part was ok, even though I knew I'd want a Diet Pepsi, after-all, its not like I was gonna hang out in the beer gardens or wine taste, it's just a simple diet pepsi. But hey, I found  the strength not to engage in that since it was Day 3, without it, and I can do this!  Back to the fair...my mother-in-law (for those of you who know her) had made up her mind we were going to this fair....Huel Howser featured it on his show and she wanted to go try one of the sandwiches and footlong corndogs he talked about on the show.  Being that Huel had passed away, greg tried to explain to her, that the show was probably a few years back and probably will find the corndogs but can't promise the sandwiches!  We did find a fajita booth and that was our late lunch/early dinner.  I'm going to try to keep our fair experience in somewhat of the order we proceeded in. 

 

First of all, a pretty drive up Highway 80 (actually I slept most of the way, but since I was in charge of directions, I woke up just in time to be able to say "take off here, Highway 49"  The next 20 miles or so were very scenic and lots of redwood trees.  Actually pretty booming city, saw several Starbucks, a home depot, Les Schwans, and mini shopping centers.  After this turn and that turn, the cars stopped...something was happening...yep, the opening day of the Nevada County/GrassValley fair.  Parking lot after parking lot were already full.  We turned into parking lot #4...we asked if we could drop Mona off close to the gate and then we would park.....our lucky day, they kindly let us park in an open "fair official" spot! SWEET!  2 adults and 1 senior later, we're in. 

 

First building...quilts...you guessed it, I found another hobby I'd love to pursue, but since I cant even figure out how to thread my bobbin (my brain must be the size of a pea) I've realized I will probably never be a quilter, just have to enjoy other peoples art pieces.  Next was looming, maybe that's what it's called, like with wool and a wheel, we even got to vote on our favorite displayed item.  As we exited this building, it took us right to the mid-way.  Rides that stood you on your head, spun you around, jerked you from here to there and made loud music to drown out the screams!  The scrambler, the tilt-o-whirl, merry-go-round and yes a ferris wheel---no thanks!  There wasn't a ride one that was tempting, except it was fun to try and talk Mona into at least just one ride.  How about the zipline through the redwoods....it's only 10 dollars , I'll treat...she looked and contiplated, yet the final answer was still "NO".  Wait...is that an elephant I see?  By gosh, it is and it's only 10 dollars...again "NO"  Looks like there will be no mid-way rides for us (which was perfectly fine with me!) 

 

With the smell of Bar-b q, Chinese food, deep fried onion rings, and Mexican food, we decided on a beef fajita...good choice, except I think Mona worn more than she ate:(  We joined a couple as we enjoyed our fajitas....Why us?  No, they were nice, but it was an hour visit, talked about or should I say we listened to him talk about his childhood, spending time in Manteca at the water slides, his jeeping experience, his belief in firearms, meth addicts, the elephant ride protestors standing outside of the fair, and the wine tasting booth the were working on.  Once he stepped off his soap box, we kindly thanked them for sharing the picnic table with us, and politely excused ourselves....

 

next building....a little bit of this and that....thought of my dad though....Mona said had he been there with us, he would want to sit down and listen to the demonstration on this cook ware....he's always been intrigued by gadgets.

 

and the exibits of characters made out of fruit and veggies...very clever!

 

naturally, I would find the building of flowers, plants and arrangements...love me some sunflowers!

 

now this looked like a lot of fun!  I wish I was little enough, I would of so done this.  You are in a large clear beach ball, and you relax, jump, squirm, do summer salts or try to run, all while floating in a large pool of water.  So intriguing...

 

barn time.....being in the feed business for 70 plus years, we cant not go through the animal barns, watch 4-her's, FFA'ers show their pigs, lambs, goats, cows, rabbits and chickens. 

loved this picture...it just made me wonder if cows could talk, what is being said here, appears to be a pretty serious one sided conversation...

 

next was the goat barns....this poor little momma goat, it looks like she was gonna have her baby or babies any minute.  She looked absolutely miserable and didn't move... this barn brought back so many memories from my childhood..... I have to share this with you,.....

 

yes, i'm a country girl at heart, I have experienced most country things there are to experience...irrigating in the middle of the night, throwing cow patties at each other, feeding pigs, being chased by geese, chopping a head off a chicken, to boiling and plucking its feathers and eventually eating it, making home made dill pickles, feeding a baby lamb, riding horses and being bucked off, reaping what you sow in the garden, swimming in the irrigation ditches, talking to someone through the cyclone fence sitting on hay bales,  and having my first "real" job.  Thinking back, I think this was abusing child labor! just kidding, but I really did milk goats at the goat farm located across the road from us.  I would sit on my wooden milking stool, bucket in hand and go from goat to goat and milk them by hand, as flies swarmed us, the goat would try to kick me off and try to kick the milk bucket over, the smell was horrible and the middle of the night milkings were the worst!  And I got paid a whoping 5 cents a goat!  I knew from that day on, I would go to school and never milk goats again!  and never drink goat milk or eat goat cheese!  I couldn't resist taking this picture and texting it to my dad so he could enjoy my memories with me....if I got paid 5 cents a goat, this girl has it easy and better be getting like a penny a goat!

 

I've never been to a fair quite like this one...It was very relaxing and very enjoyable.  I mean how could it not be perfect....pinecones and pineneedles coving the ground, the smell of pine trees, bar-b-q, a nice cool breeze, the giggles of little ones, the moo's of cows, clucks of chickens, bahaha of lambs and goats, people in wheelchairs, walkers, strollers, and the taste of Italian ice (strawberry/banana), samples of carmel corn, GrassValley American Idol contestants singing from a stage at the other end, and all the other fun that happens "UNDER THE BIG TOP"

 

All in all, a great fair experience, brought back a lot of memories and felt extremely blessed to be a part of all of this, and I believe its all "BECAUSE OF HIS AMAZING GRACE"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



THE CANDY MAN CAN....

Another song stuck in my head.....Sammy Davis Jr. "The Candy Man Can"......

 

It's such a song from my childhood!  It makes me think of the song "brand new pair of roller skates, I got a brand new key", "knocking on Heaven's Door".  The list could go on and on.  Then I think of New Deal Market, I can still picture each and every isle, even some of the stockers and cashiers!  Then of coarse there was the El Rey movie theater....The red velvet chairs, the flick candy in a foil covered cardboard tubes and paying 25 cents more to sit in the upper balcony area!  ok say wait, back to "The Candy Man Can"...

 

Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew

cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two

The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can

The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and

makes the world taste good

 

 

Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh

soak it in the sun and make a groovy lemon pie

The Candy Man, the Candy Man can

The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and

makes the world taste good

 

The Candy Man makes everything he bakes saitisfying and

delicious

Now you talk about your childhood wishes, you can even

eat the dishes

 

Oh, who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream

separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream

The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can

the Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and

makes the world taste good

 

The Candy Man makes everything he bakes satisfying and

delicious

Talk about your childhood wishes, you can even eat the dishes

 

Who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream

separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream

The Candy Man, the Candy Man can

The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and

makes the world taste good

Yes, the Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and

makes the world taste good

 

the Candy Man can......"

 

This song and so many other songs and people, places and things remind me of my childhood wishes......I'm glad the Candy Man mixes it with love and makes the world taste good...kinda like "paying it forward" makes the world a better place.

 

All because of His Amazing Grace..



JUST BE.....

Most of you know how I feel about my mom and daddy...they are such a huge part of my life, they both are angels on earth, a role model, an inspiration, loving and sincere.  I have rather a hectic week and a busy weekend.  My mom texts me this afternoon and tells me to "be sure to slow down and smell the roses".   I am taking her advise to heart, I may not have roses in my yard to smell, but I have plenty of other flowers (love my honey suckle and jasmine).  The reason I bring up my parents, is because when you are on the inside looking out, most of the time, it looks different than being on the outside looking in.  It is so important to have someone who can lovingly  point out and help us put our feet on solid ground, someone who encourages us to keep doing the next right thing, someone who loves us unconditionally and will always be there, someone who lets us be ourselves, no judging, no hesitation, just wanting the best in all aspects for us. 

 

RELAX AND JUST BE......

 

I want to relax and let myself just be... different people have different ways of being and expressing themselves.  When I take a look around at others or even at myself, its interesting to see how we each express ourselves and "just be".  anywhere from loud colors and fancy clothing to more buttoned-down and conservative, athletic and sporty, funny and artistic, down-to-earth and practical, out-going or more keep to yourself, (as for me, I'm trying to be more out-going, to put myself out there without the fear of being hurt and someone walking away, trying to trust and realize some people cant keep a promise, and they just say what you want to hear, or do what benefits them for the moment).

 

I have shared with others and always seem to talk about my love of music, the lyrics, the beat, and how it touches my soul. I talk about my flowers how good they are for my soul, the ocean, how it just brings me closer to God, and puts peace in my soul.  I have learned and experienced that "a soulful" person is comfortable in their own skin, I'm not there yet, not sure if I will ever be completely comfortable in my own skin, but I will never give up, and I know it's progress, not perfection.  My goal is to relax with who I am, a unique person who is loved by God, who created me.  I hope to find inspiration and creative joy in being myself. 

 

I read this saying today and it inspired me to write this blog...it said.... "Why not be oneself?  That is the whole secret of a successful and best life." continued with "if one is a labador retriever, why try to look like a shitzu?"    

 

All of this, Because of His Amazing Grace...



LIVE EACH MOMENT AS A BLESSING....

Yes, every moment is a blessing.  Each day is a gift from God. 

 

For me, sometimes I get so busy, or frustrated, or tired, or non-shalont, or frazzeled, even un-focused. I will admit, I don't always give everything to God, there are times that I think "ok, I got this".  yet silly me, I know better, I just get alittle impatient.  I know I can never do anything better than God, or even without God.  Another character flaw I need to work on is instead of anticipating the future or regretting the past, I need to focus on what is happening in my life at this moment in time.  I know that each moment contains many blessings that sometimes go unnoticed.

 

I'm a "detail" person.... and I know and feel that God is in the details.....and the details of even the simplest daily act are rich with beauty and blessings.  I have been paying closer attention to the details.  Details in the color of the sky, flowers in bloom, the smell of freshly cut grass, the sparkle in others eyes, conversation with my patients, the songs that birds chirp, the words out of a devotional called "Jesus Calling",  details of a new recipe, details along my walk, the lyrics and their meaning, the sun's warmth, breathing in and out, a smiling baby, a shake of a hand, the word promise, a garden and all the details and the seeds start to sprout and produce vegetables,  details in greeting cards, and details of sharing kindness and love.  

 

I want to accept everything that comes my way as a blessing.  I want to count difficulties as blessings in disguise, trusting that one day I will understand. (I don't understand a lot of the time, yet I don't just have faith in God, but I also have faith in His timing.)  God blesses each moment of my life, and I thank Him for that.

 

So for me....I'm going to try and  pay attention to what is happening in this very each and every moment.  I will try to be aware of all the good that surrounds me right now and thank Him for it.

 

All because of His Amazing Grace.....



THE ART OF SMILING....

The say, laughter, kindness and smiling are all part of the universal language.  Not too long ago I was compelled to write about laugher...things that make me laugh, how laughter is good for you and how laughter can make a huge difference.  Since I wrote about that, another thing I have noticed is smiling!  Being in the dental field for so many years, to me a smile is so important.  Just recently a smile and just a few words brought me to tears.....a patient was so thrilled with her new smile all she could do was cry and yep smile! 

 

 We are all guilty of this when we cross paths with a stranger or a casual acquaintance in the elevator or at the grocery store, we give them that "fake" smile, or the "polite" smile.  I think there is a true lesson here, and that would be smile with your eyes also. Actually, as I am writing this, I am smiling.  I love it! Thank you for reading and allowing me to express myself.

 

A smile is so simple....yet so powerful....I can't help but to share a few smiles with you...

 

her smile is so contagious and so sincere!

 

the first time you see someone smile!! priceless..

 

and they even smile after running a 5k...

 

I believe there are noticeable effects of externalizing your internal joy when you smile...

 

*people will be attracted to you....you will carry an aura that will draw people to you

*you will be more optimistic, you'll feel more positive about yourself and the world

*a smile is an expression of happiness and joy in you

*a smile is healthly...it can effect your internal state, mental and physical

*a smile is so welcoming and will make people feel more at ease

*a smile has the power to make other people feel good about themselves.

* a smile is heart-warming and has the power to cheer up others instantly.

*smiles are contagious...others can quickly and easily catch it and share it!

 

things that make me smile....my nephew meeting his son for the very first time...

 

when I see my son Mike teaching his daughter Viana how to skip a rock, in the same lake he has thrown many a rocks in (in Missouri)

 

seeing my favorite flower blooming always brings a smile to my face:)

 

Moments that make me smile.....

*when I get to cross something off my "to do list"

*when I savor the sweet flavor of anything carmel

*When I see my mom and daddy on facebook

*when Mazy Grace greets me at the gate

*when I watch corn grow

*when my flowers are blooming

*when I realize how blessed I am and how I'm loved by others

this beautiful girl, makes me smile, because she finally got her smile back!  we each have a journey, some have more speed bumps, uphills and downhills than others...regardless a smile means so much and is so powerful.

 

all the memories, and all the love my brother and I shared.  Him, part of his memorial garden, brings me peace and I cant help but smile.

 

a sunrise and a sunset makes me smile for days! and to find someone who enjoys sunsets like I do makes me smile even more!

 

and one of the most silliest and sweetest smiles ever made!

 

Miss Viana's smile just makes me beam!

 

We could all bring more smiles into our life...so let's take a smile challenge...when we cross paths with a stranger or accidently catch someone's gaze...the challenge is to give them a big smile, a genuine smile, showing teeth and everything.  A smile doesn't cost anything, and pay attention to their reaction when you smile at them.  Some will blush, some will be surprised, some will ignore and not even acknowledge your smile and some will smile back.  It would be fun to record the moments that brought out our beautiful smile, and on those days that we are having trouble with smiling, we could flip through the journal to remind us of things that made us smile. 

 

One thing that most of us easily smile at are children. When observing a small child playing with total ease and not a worry one, be sure to watch their innocence, enjoy their presence and yours.

 

Just remember... "a smile is so simple, yet so powerful"

 

and this is all because of  His Amazing Grace.....