REFLECTION OF OCTOBER 16TH, 2008.....
They say the magic is in the pen.... i sure in the heck hope so.... i have 3 pens with me today,,,,thru-out the day, i wrote and wrote and felt and felt. It is a very difficult time for me,,,, yet with all the wonderful people in my life, the love and support, i was able to well "be ok"......
First before i share my thoughts and feelings that I had on this day... i want to share something that really helped me... and that is Ecclesiates 3: " to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven; a time to be born, and a time to die, a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance; .............a time of war and a time of peace.....(this goes on and on, this is a entire another blog post that touches my heart)
October 16th, 2012....
10:00 am...... so far, so good....last night when i started thinking about today... i almost couldn't breathe....i had to really try, but someone had told me "grass is green, sky is blue....in with the good, out with the bad." Amazingly enough, it's helping. 4 very long years... a huge hole in my heart...actually, truly, "broken heart syndrome" took over my life. It was 5;46 pm on Thursday, October 16th, 2008. It is very difficult to relive that day, talk about not being able to breath... i felt like i was taking my last breathe... not even knowing at that moment, my nephew Nick gave his everything, breathe after breathe to his dad, please take this breathe, don't go...
12 o'clock noon.....
3 things just took place in the last few hours that can only be God's devine intervention to turn my thoughts and day around...
I have this cd of Sunday School songs in my car, i bought it for Viana, but wanted to listen to it first. The song "Do Lord Oh Do Lord, oh do you remember me?" Only the four of us truly know what this song means to us...Jeff singing this song as a solo on one of our road trips. I found myself singing and smiling and had to send my dad a text, hopefully making him smile too.
2nd thing.... my first patient at work this day is one of Jeff's best friends mother-in-law. That was a sweet surprize. In fact, Chuck was the one who picked out all the music for Jeff's memorial service. Bruce Springssteen all the way!
3rd thing.....next i get this text from my mom "are you doing ok today? We are doing okay, just remember all the good times, love you mom" I text her " yes so far so good.. crazy thing happened. A cd in my car this morning. Do Lord oh Do Lord came on , i had to sing and smile." my mom texts back " that song playing was a God thing... you know that right?" and i text back " YES I DO'.
Never an easy task...but like my mom and others keep reminding me to think about and remember all the good times. You know what, great advise and it actually fills that void right in the center of my heart. Now those 3 things are enough for me to "MAKE THE CHOICE AND LET GOD MAKE THE CHANGE".
Jeff's flowers, his tomatoes, bellpeppers, hot peppers, homemade salsa, pigs n figs (date wrapped in bacon, YUMMY!) His love of music is and always be one of the things everyone that knew Jeff, knew how he loved his music. Yes, he has passed that on to me...I love music!
I know this is alittle heavy....actually i had the song "he ain't heavy, he's my brother" played at his memorial service. Even though at times, i feel like my heart is really heavy, i am learning to breathe, and except that God needed Jeff more than we did. I 'm still finding myself asking
" why did he have to go, so young I just don't know why. Things happen half the time, without reason, without rhyme.....i just have to believe ; he flew up to heaven on the wings of angels, by the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees, and he walks with Jesus and his loved ones waiting...and i know he is smiling, saying, dont worry about me. Loved ones he left behind, just trying to survive, and understand the why, feeling so lost inside, anger shot staight at God, then asking for his love, empty with disbelief...it's hard to say goodbye, his picture in my mind, will always be of times I'll cherish....cuz he flew up to heaven on the wings of angels, and i know he is smiling saying... dont worry 'bout me
Yes, i knew i could go into more and more detail, and relieve this day.... but i have chosen to just touch basis and be grateful that i have so much ahead of me... be grateful for all Jeff shared with me, and most importantly, remember "THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE, I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE, WON'T LET SATAN BLOW IT OUT, NO, I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE!"
Once i passed my church and read "YOU MAKE THE CHOICE, AND GOD WILL MAKE THE CHANGE." I DECIDED MY MOM WAS 100% CORRECT...REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES.... SO THEREFORE, I HAVE DECIDED MY NEXT BLOG POST IS GOING TO BE A CHALLENGING ONE... BUT A FUN ONE.... JEFF'S FAVORITE ARTIST BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN "(THE BOSS) VERSES MY FAVORITE ARTIST KID ROCK... GET READY, I MAY HAVE TO TAKE A VOTE ON THAT ONE AFTER I'M DONE!
SO, NEXT "THE BOSS" VS " KID ROCK...BRING IT ON!
BECAUSE OF HIS AMAZING GRACE......
October 16th, 2012....
10:00 am...... so far, so good....last night when i started thinking about today... i almost couldn't breathe....i had to really try, but someone had told me "grass is green, sky is blue....in with the good, out with the bad." Amazingly enough, it's helping. 4 very long years... a huge hole in my heart...actually, truly, "broken heart syndrome" took over my life. It was 5;46 pm on Thursday, October 16th, 2008. It is very difficult to relive that day, talk about not being able to breath... i felt like i was taking my last breathe... not even knowing at that moment, my nephew Nick gave his everything, breathe after breathe to his dad, please take this breathe, don't go...
12 o'clock noon.....
3 things just took place in the last few hours that can only be God's devine intervention to turn my thoughts and day around...
I have this cd of Sunday School songs in my car, i bought it for Viana, but wanted to listen to it first. The song "Do Lord Oh Do Lord, oh do you remember me?" Only the four of us truly know what this song means to us...Jeff singing this song as a solo on one of our road trips. I found myself singing and smiling and had to send my dad a text, hopefully making him smile too.
2nd thing.... my first patient at work this day is one of Jeff's best friends mother-in-law. That was a sweet surprize. In fact, Chuck was the one who picked out all the music for Jeff's memorial service. Bruce Springssteen all the way!
3rd thing.....next i get this text from my mom "are you doing ok today? We are doing okay, just remember all the good times, love you mom" I text her " yes so far so good.. crazy thing happened. A cd in my car this morning. Do Lord oh Do Lord came on , i had to sing and smile." my mom texts back " that song playing was a God thing... you know that right?" and i text back " YES I DO'.
Never an easy task...but like my mom and others keep reminding me to think about and remember all the good times. You know what, great advise and it actually fills that void right in the center of my heart. Now those 3 things are enough for me to "MAKE THE CHOICE AND LET GOD MAKE THE CHANGE".
Jeff's flowers, his tomatoes, bellpeppers, hot peppers, homemade salsa, pigs n figs (date wrapped in bacon, YUMMY!) His love of music is and always be one of the things everyone that knew Jeff, knew how he loved his music. Yes, he has passed that on to me...I love music!
I know this is alittle heavy....actually i had the song "he ain't heavy, he's my brother" played at his memorial service. Even though at times, i feel like my heart is really heavy, i am learning to breathe, and except that God needed Jeff more than we did. I 'm still finding myself asking
" why did he have to go, so young I just don't know why. Things happen half the time, without reason, without rhyme.....i just have to believe ; he flew up to heaven on the wings of angels, by the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees, and he walks with Jesus and his loved ones waiting...and i know he is smiling, saying, dont worry about me. Loved ones he left behind, just trying to survive, and understand the why, feeling so lost inside, anger shot staight at God, then asking for his love, empty with disbelief...it's hard to say goodbye, his picture in my mind, will always be of times I'll cherish....cuz he flew up to heaven on the wings of angels, and i know he is smiling saying... dont worry 'bout me
Yes, i knew i could go into more and more detail, and relieve this day.... but i have chosen to just touch basis and be grateful that i have so much ahead of me... be grateful for all Jeff shared with me, and most importantly, remember "THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE, I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE, WON'T LET SATAN BLOW IT OUT, NO, I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE!"
Once i passed my church and read "YOU MAKE THE CHOICE, AND GOD WILL MAKE THE CHANGE." I DECIDED MY MOM WAS 100% CORRECT...REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES.... SO THEREFORE, I HAVE DECIDED MY NEXT BLOG POST IS GOING TO BE A CHALLENGING ONE... BUT A FUN ONE.... JEFF'S FAVORITE ARTIST BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN "(THE BOSS) VERSES MY FAVORITE ARTIST KID ROCK... GET READY, I MAY HAVE TO TAKE A VOTE ON THAT ONE AFTER I'M DONE!
SO, NEXT "THE BOSS" VS " KID ROCK...BRING IT ON!
BECAUSE OF HIS AMAZING GRACE......
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