JESUS IS THE ANSWER....& ME & GOD....

Let's see.....again a million things to talk about... my head is pounding so hard, but after a back massage and then a  shoulder rub by renee,,,, its alittle better.... I hoping i take after my dad once again.... i inheirated his high blood pressure... well now his is extremely low....hoping i get some of that! 

 

Class was interesting tonite, but some wierd stuff about the movie "The Wizard of Oz"   thas's a whole different topic, after i check it out for myself....... so for tonite, i needed some peace... there are many songs that do that for me... I'm a lyrics person, word for word...so good for my soul.  I realize my extremes of music goes from here to there.... yes dad, Kid rock is right up there!  That will be another blog, but know it's coming soon! I won't tell on you just yet dad!! (I love you daddy!)

 

So, YES....JESUS IS THE ANSWER ... AND ME & GOD....

 

Josh Turner is perhaps one of the  most famous country singer in the US. He signed with his record company in 2003, and so far he has released four studio albums for the label.  The first was "Long Black Train"  Josh was born and raised in South Carolina..  He grew up in church and he found himself singing almost all the time.  He graduated from high school and moved to Nashville.  In 2001 he made his debut on the Grand Ole Opry.  Shortly after that he developed a lesion on his vocal cord, forced him to rest his voice for a year. Josh is a devout christian, he even formed a gospel quartet known as the Thankful Hearts. Josh has many well known songs such as "Haywire, Why don't we jsut dance, Let me be your man, "  the list goes on.... 2 of my all-time favorite songs...I want to share those with you, and see how it paralells your life, or how much peace you can find and apply to your life..  Josh is married and has 3 young children.  His wife is even a background singer for him.  Josh is for sure an incredible talented singer and there is no wonder that he recieves such appreciation for his work....Please take the time to read, feel and maybe apply some of the lyrics to your life....

 

"THE ANSWER"......

 

If you're looking for somebody you can talk to

When the heartache and the troubles overcome you

There's a man you can count on

That you can put your problems on

 

You've got questions, you need directions

arms to hold you for all eternity

look no further 'cause there's no other

for a lover and an understander

Jesus is the answer

 

You're out there wondering

what got you into such a big 'ole mess?

You've been feeling so undeserving of forgiveness

but there's a King upon a throne

that let's you know you're not alone

 

you got questions, you need directions

armes to hold you for all eternity

look no further 'cause there's no other

He's an anchor, He's God's right hander

Jesus is the answer

 

Sometimes life is a no win situation

but get down on your knees

and He'll be right there waiting

 

Jesus is the answer...

 

 

NEXT....

 

"ME AND GOD"...

 

There ain't nothing that can't be done by me and God

ain't nobody come in between me and God

One day we'll live together where the angels trod

Me and God

 

Early in the morning talking it over, me and God

Late at night talking it over, me and God

You could say we're like two peas in a pod

Me and God

 

He's my Father, He's my friend

The beginning and the end

He rules the world with a staff and rod

We're a team, me and God

 

I am weak and He is strong, me and God

He forgives me when I'm wrong, me and God

He's the one I lean on when life gets hard

Me and God

 

We're a team,,,, me and God...

 

 

Amen, Amen and Amen!!!

 

gosh, Josh has great songs....another one that is so amazing is "SOULMATE"....

 

Soulmate

until the end of time

You're my soulmate

I'll love you till I get to heaven's gate

and if I'm go first sweetheart

I'll wait

'cause I know I'll never find another

Soulmate.....

 

Oh there's more..... , but i think you can see where Josh goes with this one!

 

Another song that holds a special place in our hearts is the song "I'LL BE THERE".... the lyrics i think were written for Mike and Viana.... They played this as their first dance during the wedding reception.... I know he will always be there for Viana... he will be a sandcastle builder, or a monster scarer a wayer.....

 

So, as i  have shared some really meaningful lyrics with you... I pray and hope the lyrics will be able to touch your life, your heart, your soul... and if you're able to share them with others, please do...

 

and because of  HIS AMAZING GRACE........

 

 

WHICH ONE OUT OF 35...????

 

The other night, I sat down to blog, and I just couldn't decide what exactly I wanted to blog about...so instead I made a list of topics i wanted to talk and write about, and again tonight so much to share, yet where do i start????

 

 

A few things are right there, its on the tip of my tongue or on the tips of my fingers or both!  Tonight, was rather interesting in my Criminal Law Class... here we have a retired Correctional Officer/ Parole Officer as our instructor and then we have several people in the class that have been on the other side.  Me on the other hand, I grew up in the law enforcement field... my daddy being a Sheriff in San Joaquin County.  So, i do have pretty strong feelings in this area... but more than anything I have so many memories and stories that make me smile..... i think i will share a few of those stories.... just want you to know, I'm not completely proud of all of them:(    and i also made sure my daddy wouldn't care if i told on him a time or two.. his response was " sure go ahead, what r they gonna do??? fire me??" So, here i go.....

 

LIFE AS A SHERIFF'S DAUGHTER......

 

One of the things i'm not proud of.... i used to love when my daddy worked Swing Shift.... that meant when i got home from school, he had already left for work, and by the time he got off work, i was sound asleep.... our paths didnt cross much... at that time, i was just a teenager that thought i could get away with this and that.  What I probably didn't realize was my mother and him communicated more than i knew!  I would never wish for that again.... the more our paths cross, the better it is! 

 

 

 Let's see..... patrol.... the only police car I've ever been in...my dad's police car... now that,  I'm totally proud of!  I can clearly remember him stopping by home with his partner to have dinner.... sharing their stories, and getting to know their families, families just like ours.  There was Pete Barnett, Dave Levesey, Lyle Cooper, Brett something, name after name.... good people.  There was this one particular night...him and his partner had someone in the backseat that they had arrested... the guy decided to spit thru the cage right on my dad's bald spot... not a good idea! Imagine this..... going at a pretty good speed, darn-it, there was a dog in the road... brakes had to be slammed on, and a face plant on the metal screen.... OOPS!   Don't mess with my daddy!  

 

I was a good girl... i didnt have much of a choice...There was no orchard parties for me....My daddy knew all the party spots, end of Comcnex, out at the river, there was no way i would risk getting caught, so in all honesty, my first orchard party was when i took my surburban not once or twice, but many times... filled with my kids and their friends, of coarse they made me turn my headlights off, not to draw any attention to us.  It's probably ok to to tell on some of my friends, or maybe i wont throw them under the bus!  My dad did break up many parties, sent kids home, and made them pour all the cases and cases of beer out, then go around and pick up every empty beer can there was laying around.  Then of coarse, he would go to the most desalated areas, and find kids making out in their cars, sometimes with clothes on, sometimes with clothes off.... he never would give up much info!! i so respect him for that!

 

 

Oh then of coarse, late one night, he's actually off duty....he hears some commotion going on outside in our quiet little court... could it of been anymore awkward????? Someone in a jeep had just done a fast lawn job on the Pinto's front yard.... before the jeep could completely get away.... my dad the police officer he is, saw who tried to get away, he saw all he needed to see... called her  (yes... one of my BFF's, Ann Walters/Souza) parents... Gerald and Marsha Walter's... Even though i begged him not too call her parents and just let it go..... NOPE!  funny thing is, we get to laugh about it today!! 

 

Then there was his many years at the jail.... again, the only jail i had even been in (until recently).  The jail was the scariest for me... one nite i was there with him, and it was like 2 am, and we made the rounds  to be sure all were accounted for..... i can remember my dad shining his mag lite into their cube area and yelling "A-reba, A-reba", and the immates all jumping out of bed (at least the hispanic speaking inmates)  The jail wasnt necessarly  his favorite... blood pressure was always high, stress levels and heart pounding... so he got his way and left the jail, leaving  younger more experienced deputies for the jail job!

 

Courts were always fun.... when my daddy was a baliff....he would always find interesting cases that were going on, and take me and let me sit in on this Judge or that Judges' cases..

 

One time, as he and another deputy got into the elevator at the courthouse, they got into a very short mace fight right there in the elevator, As the doors opened, OOPS... the boss, both were transfered right back out to the jail!

 

His last ten years with the Department, he was in Civil Division.  Lots of friends there.... in fact, almost like family... potlucks, Christmas parties, playing Santa Claus and of coarse alittle bit of work.  Eviction notices, civil papers served, leans on business, and whatever eles they had to do. 

 

Retirement was right around the corner.  51 years old, and almost 30 years with the department....the time was right, all the cards fell into place, and retirement started.  They chose to make their new home in Missouri... wow what a beautiful place.

 

I'm trying to fill in some blanks... i know there's so much more.... there was the time he was transporting a prisoner in un undercover car ( and my mom was with him)  somewhere close to the grapevine, a CHP pulled him over and gave him a speeding ticket...Imagine that!!! i guess the CHP had a quota he had to fulfill that day!

 

 Being the daughter of a police officer......kept alot of people away!  Not that it was a good thing, especially knowing how much everyone feared my dad.... but i wouldnt change a thing... well maybe a thing or two!  broke his heart just once i think, and again he did his very best to teach me a lesson or see things how he did... it worked, and I made him that promise and never touched it again!

If i do say so myself.... my dad was and is the best daddy there ever was... the best police officer you could train, the best husband, brother, friend, confident imaginable, and i have no regrets, and I'm proud to say "I am the daughter of a Police Officer.  He has never stopped giving his 110%.. he is kind, understanding, now more open-minded, considerate, respectful, trust-worthy, a God-loving man,and a friend to many.  I have learned from the best... and as i think of more incidents, learning experiences, i will definelty share them with you!"

 

I love you dad, and i"m honored to be taking this class and learning more and more about your line of work, and all the commitments you held true to and all the obstacles you had to go through and yes all the (i'll be nice) bolegna you dealt with, yet held your head high!

 

 

 

 



EENIE MEENIE MINEE MO...

Choices, decisions, so much to write about and so much to say..... yet, a night without homework, you would think i would take advantage of a normal bedtime of 11;00 pm.... but no, not me....to much on my mind, t.v shows to catch up on.  Dang, there's Big Brother finale, two nights of The Voice, several Interventions, but the news it is.... and blogging.

 

 

When I couldn't decide exactly what I wanted to blog about tonight.... it simply was "EENIE MEENIE MINEE MO"... Well ok, i decided to list my blog topics that are upcoming instead of picking just one tonite......

 

 

1.   LIFE ACCORDING TO VIANA.....

 

2.  FALL.... PUMPKINS, MUMS, TURKEY, MASHED POTATOES, COOL WEATHER, AND

      EXACTLY WHAT I'M THAKNFUL FOR.....

 

3.  A POLICE OFFICERS DAUGHTER......

 

4.  BIRDS AND BLOOMS......MISSOURI HUMMINGBIRDS....

 

5.  THEN SINGS MY SOUL....

 

6.  MY REFRIGERATOR AND PANTRY BEFORE AND NOW....

 

7.  ME AND GOD.....JESUS IS THE ANSWER....

 

8.  SON OF DETROIT.....

 

9.  I'M IN A HURRY AND I DONT KNOW WHY.....

 

10.  BUTTERFLY BEAUTY....

 

11.  BECAUSE OF HIS AMAZING GRACE.....

 

12.  ELLIE, THE ESCAPE ARTIST....

 

13.  HERE SINGS MY IPOD.....

 

14.  A PIECE OF A PUZZLE.....

 

15.  SUNDAY SCHOOL SONGS....

 

16.  WHAT BUGS ME.....

 

17.  MY PERSONAL RECIPE FOR.....

 

18.  HOW DO I????.......

 

19.  10 REASONS I LOVE___________.....

 

20.  10 PLACES I LOVE TO EAT AT....

 

21.  VACATION HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE.....

 

22.  GRATEFUL FOR NEW HOPE.......

 

23.  COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.....ONE BY ONE....

 

24.  SOULMATES...BEST FRIENDS..CLASSMATES REUNITED...

 

25.  SLOW DOWN SISTER.... & DANCING IN CIRCLES....

 

 

Making myself stop at 25 for now.... yet knowing and understanding that the top 25 is subject to change without much notice! Actually, its as simple as 1 2 3 4.... whatever is right there in my heart that very day, that very moment,

 

oh wait, there's more......

 

26.  BLESSED BY THE BEST.....

 

27.  THE QUESTION WAS ASKED....MY ANSWER:  " YES, I WANT YOU TO CONTINUE

        TO BE MY SPONSER, NO MATTER HOW MANY MILES BETWEEN US"

 

28.  I NEVER PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN... (70's SONGS)

 

29.  THE VOICE.....

 

30.  QUOTES AND MORE QUOTES..... TO LIVE BY...

 

THEY MAY NOT BE IN THE EXACT ORDER.... BUT THERE I HAVE IT..... LAYED OUT IN FRONT OF ME... 1-30 ..BOY THATS ALOT OF BLOGS.... THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST THERUPUTIC THINGS I CAN DO FOR ME....WAIT THERE GOES MY BRIAN AGAIN...

 

31.  DRIVE IN MOVIES....

 

32.  THE CAMPING WORLD....

 

33.  AGREE TO DISAGREE.....THEN STRAIGHT UP HONESTY......

 

34.  CHARLIE BROWN, YOUR A GREAT MAN.....

 

35.  PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.....(AND 1 COR 13 AND ECCLESIASTES)

 

ALL OF THIS BECAUSE OF HIS AMAZING GRACE......

...



 



THE ROAD NOT TAKEN.....

Tonight, a new class started.."Relapse Prevention and co-occurring Disorders"  interesting, yet lots to learn!..One thing that was very interesting to really listen to and try to completely understand a  very popular poem by Robert Frost...The Road Not Taken.  I think it's worth sharing ...

 

Two Roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth:

 

Then took the other, as just as fair.

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for theat the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

 

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black,

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

 

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

and that has made all the difference.

 

 

 

Once the poem was read, as a class and as individuals, we shared our feelings and thoughts on what we felt the poem was saying.  Throughout life, many choices have to be made.  This poem may describe the process of an individual having to make a decision in life, not knowing at that very moment if the decision will be the right one, and surely to second guess the decision sometime later in life.  It doesnt matter, regardless of the decision, it is a decision made, that has played a part in what that individual is today.  I'm not sure this is what Robert Frost intended to say or not.  The poem simply says that "choices" are inevitable, but you never know what your choice will mena until you have lived it.  In the poem one words that tends to lead readers astray is "sigh".  As a reader of the poem, we may think the word "sigh" means a relief, or maybe means a choice of regret..  Or, there is a sigh of regret as well as a sigh of relief. Which one is it? Either way, the fact is that you cannot know how your choice will affect your future/ your life until after you have lived it.

 

 

Interesting poem and ways to analysis it.   But I do know each and every day, we have to make choices, as simple as turning off our alarm and getting out of bed, what to wear, what to eat for breakfast, what radio station to listen to, what to eat for lunch, whether or not to let someone merge in front of you in heavy traffic.  Choice after choice, decision after decision.  When you actually take the time to think about how these choices will affect our future, or even as simple how it will affect our day.  Only we know what choices we should make,

 

There as many good people who make poor choices or bad choices, but we have to live and learn from those choices.   One say i can say for me.... no matter what choices i have made through my life.... because of those choices, I am who I am today......had i not made the choice, who knows where my life would of been.  There may be choices that I wish would of been different, but no regrets!  Each choice is mine to make.... i must choose which road to take.... knowing that i cant travel both.  I do know I choose to have my God and my family and friends with me on whichever road i chose.

 

 

Because of His Amazing Grace......

 





SAINTS & SAINTS.....

WELL......when i hear.the word "Saints", i think of the New Orlean Saints and i also think of the many Saints in heaven.  

My son Mike is a true die hard Saints fan, so over the years I've learned some about the Saints, and some about Drew Brees.  We even have a autobiography book on Drew Brees (great book). 

The National Football League awarded it 16th franchise to New Orleans on November 1st, 1967.  They had a disappointing start.  They never won more tahn 4 games in a season during the 1960's and they were 2-11-1 in 1970.  Names like Archie Manning, Ken Stabler, Mike Ditka, Reggie Bush, Sean Payton and Drew Brees, all New Orleans Saints players and coaches.In the off seanson of 2006, the Saints fortunes began to turn.  First, the Saints hired Sean Payton, an assistant Under Bill Parcells. Payton was expected to bring a new aggressive offensive strategy to the Saints.  The Saints took a chance on free agent quarterback, Drew Brees. (what a wise chose that was).  The Saints acquired Reggie Bush in the 2006 NFL Draft. (Reggie no longer with the Saints, he is with Miami)

Andrew Christopher "Drew" Brees was born January 15th, 1979.  He was born in Austin, Texas, his folks both attorneys.  He was named after Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Drew Pearson.  He is an American football quarterback for the New Orlean Saints.  He was drafted by the San Diego Chargers in the second round of the 2001 NFL Draft.  He played college football at Purdue University. Brees has been selected to the Pro Bowl six times in his caqreer Brees holds the NFL single season record for most passing yards in a season by a quarterback.  In 2009, the Super Bowl was played in Miami against the Colts, who had won Super BowlXLI three years earlier. The game was close, and the Saints had finally won a championship after decades of not, sending the city of New Orleans, and the region into wild celebrations.  The Saints did not quite live up to theri 2009 level of play the following season.

then on March 2, 2012, the NFL announced the findings of an investigation of a bounty program that the defensive coordinator and over two dozen defensive players maintained.  The NFL hit the Saints hard with punishments

So, the colors black, white and old gold are the team colors, they play in the Louisiana Superdome, that seats 72,968, the franchise was given to the city of New Orleans on November 1, All Saints Day.  The city was also famous for the song "When the Saints Go Marching In. " Saints was a natural pick for the team name. 

Of course, I'm not a die-hard football fan,,,, i enjoy watching the sport, and I think Drew Brees is a great quarterback, a great team player, a wonderful family man, that loves the Lord!

As I was thinking about the Saints ( football), it really got me thinking about true Saints. I always referred to my mother as a Saint.  Being that she is so amazing, so patient, so loving, and absolutley lives her life for the Lord.  She is a prayer warrior, and truly knows her Maker.  So, I decided to really find out who/what/where Saints are.  Exactly how many Saints are there?  There are over 10,000 named Saints.  The title of saint tells us that the person lived a holy life, is in heaven, and is to be honored by the universal Church.  People pray with saints, not to them.  Have you ever asked anyone to pray for you when you were having a hard time? Why did you choose that person? You may ahve chosen someone you could trust, or someone who understands your problem, or someone who was close to God. Those are all reasons we ask saints to pray for us in times of trouble. Since saints led holy lives abd are close to God in heaven,  people feel their prayers are particulary effective.  The more i read, the more confused I was! It explains how saints are chosen, what a patron saint is, and when did the church start honoring saints... so much to learn.... but i think i'll stop with the New Orlean Saints and what I learned about heavenly saints....

because of His Amazing Grace....

FAMILY... GENERATIONS HAVE COME AND GONE.....

Never in a millions years did I ever see myself going to college, in addition to my job that I love for the past 31 years.  Yet, here I am, class after class, 4 nights a week at UOP.  Not complaining, just not sure how I am doing it.  Each new class, I wonder how I will make it through, but with the AMAZING GRACE of my God... I am able to continue. Last night was one of the most emotional nights I could ever imagine for 12 people.  12 people that have been in this together for the past 2 months...you would think that us 12 have known each other for years, last night, the raw emotions, the depth, the sincerity, it is almost beyond words, but I'm gonna try....

 

So, this class that I'm in... a theory class.....Dr. Kirkwood.... interesting, wasnt sure how or if i would like it or even make it... but tomorow night is the end.  However, an unfathomal event occured last night... an assignment we had been working on for the past few weeks.  I did the assignment as directed, how it was on the syllabus, except.... somewhere along the way, I totally missed the part that said part of our grade would be on our presentation. How could I miss that?  So, i get to class, and this guy says we will each do our presentation...WHAT??? You mean we just don't turn it into you?  I wasnt the only one who could feel something take over... pretty sure it's called anxiety... not a good feeling, yet a very familar one for me.  I will try my hardest to let you feel what i felt.  ( i think i left out what our assisngment actually was... a genogram.... kinda like a family tree, yet more in depth, ) 

 

 

 

Steven was brave enough to go first... he brought his large poster board up front with him and started out with his grandparents, remembering times of family gatherings, certain uncles, certain cousins, much alcohol and much drugs.  at the age of 13.. being shown how to roll his first joint.  It was on then... it was all bad... a full blown addiction, dropping out of high school, rebelling in every way... a signifacant other,and a son that was taken from them due to their addiction. Losing everything, living in his car.... he was was sick and tired of being sick and tired,  with 5 years clean of all drugs, a beatutiful wife and 3 more children... family means everything to him.

 

Joe.... a vietnam vet.... an even larger poster board with his family tree.... this gentleman took alot of time and poured his everything into this.... so many family members, some functional and many not.  Yet, at one point when he talked about his siblings, one of them struck an emotional chord, and there was no holding back... his little sister 24 years of age died of  complications of a diabetic coma... you could hear a pin drop it was so quiet... Joe found the courage and the strenght to continue on....not a dry eye... this man is such an inspirtation... a vietnam vet, who now works with vets who are homeless and addicted to drugs, he holds a special spot in my heart... he is on kidney dialysis, with such a postiive outlook on life he gives me hope!  Joe pretty much set the tone for the rest of the evening...

 

 Next was Nancy..... how she never felt apart of....  everyone deserves to feel apart of...yet at a very young age she was told children are supposed to be seen not heard.... again part of her story, addiction, get clean, relapse, get clean, repeat the cycle.....

 

I seemed to be next in line... all was quiet and no one moved, so i was it.... yet i wasnt ready.. the warmness, the fast heart rate, the deep breathes, and to think i had made light of it acouple weeks ago and asked my dad if he cared if i just said i was adopted, make the project easier, since i was overwhelmed with so much work.... yet we both knew i was just kidding.... i took this serious and it holds the biggest spot in my heart.... i'm gonna hold on for a minute and come back to my story...

 

Ronnie was sitting behind me... he was up next... you know it wasnt tension at all in the room, it was intamite, the sensitivty, the emotions, it was all so real, didnt matter if you were young, older or the professor.  Ronnie has lots of Tio's and Theo's,  loved hearing about this one and that one... but most of all i loved hearing about his famiily, his daughter that means the world to him, and being the best dad he can.

 

Cynthia has lots of family too... grew up in the country, simalar stories to mine, swimming in irragation ditches... animals, tractors.... this young lady holds a spot in my heart... 27 years old, same as my daughter Renee.... only 3 daughters of her own, and a complete clean recovering addict... with a passion to help others realize there is another way to live... and family is a huge part of that.

 

Angelina... a native american indian... so intrigued with her hertiage.... yet didnt really realize all this until later in life... always thought maybe she was hispanic cuz she lived with a hispanic family while she was in foster care, and their skin was the same color..... addiction is her story too, and her passion is so strong to work and help others on reservations, her people.

 

Eddie..... lots of family... yet most lived in Texas.... and Eddie was told what happens in this house, stays in this house.... his grandfather and father were both preachers and alcoholics.... and yes addiction is a huge part of Eddie's life.... so far recovery is a HUGE part of his life....and such a kind tender hearted man that is on fire for celebrate recovery, the love of God and doing the next right thing and sharing his hopes, strenghts and experiences.

 

Stacy.... was very upset and angry with dr. Kirkwood for making us do this assignment... she drug her feet on this one, didnt want to look at or re-feel her childhood... too painful.... yet she prayed about it, and realized she was placed in this class with this professor for a reason.. to uncover painful experiences, deal with it and heal... and be able to help others... stacy spoke highly of her father... Her heaveanly Father, her God...

 

Celeste was next to  last..... her and i have bonded, we were each others partner most of the time thru this class... role playing, at times the client, at times the counslor.  again, celeste has a special place in my heart.... she shared about her family, but the hardest part is her 7 year old daughters father(who she loved with all her heart) died in a  car accident, and her struggles in life as a single mom.  She's got so much going for her

 

Damian.... the soft spoken, quiet young man was last... and for a good reason... him along with me had no idea (or missed the part that we would be presneting and sharing this with everyone) handled this very well... he spoke and said he did the assignment and went into alot of depth, but he wasnt comfortable with sharing with everyone... his family, his experience... generation after generation of abuse...  yet he knows the chain of abuse will be broken with him... it has to!  again no dry eyes in the room.

 

So, yes i wasn't ready either, but knew i had too.... i fit in after Nancy, and before Ronnie.. I had nothing but the best childhood, the best family, nothing but great memories and relationships.  so, why was this going to be so difficult and emtoional for me?? i dont know, but it's reality, and i do wish i could change a few things.....

 

This presentation was a dedication to my family, my heritage, along with the dream that their memories will live on.  Generations have come and gone, lives have been lived and families have been loved.  Some I will never know except for the fragile photos and maybe a letter, yellowed with age, from a forgotten corner of the attic.  They are my family.  They have endured hardships and heartaches.  I can't begin to imagine.  Life was slower then and they experienced simplier joys.  As I put this genogram together, I was caught up in a journey only my imagination could take me.  I wish I could step back into time and be a part of their lives...share their secrets, their joys and be a part of their stories. Then it would be easy to fill in between the lines.  I am part of the puzzle and a piece of my heart is tucked into their precious lives and sweet memories are a part of who I am.  This is my heritage.  Family means everything to me, it intrigues me, and the more i know, the more i want to know. 

As I was doing some research on my family, sharing memories with my Me-Ma ( she is 91), was so peaceful and soothing.  We were looking for patterns, addictions, occupations.  What I found very interesting about my hertiage and family members are they were truly family orientated, they worked hard, most attended church, spent holidays together and loved and lived life to its fullest.  The most common jobs they had were picking cotton, packing peaches, worked in the fields and canneries.  Many were farmers and owned their own acreage. 

 

A genogram was a little challenging, connecting everyone together.  I understand and appreciate my family, all their ups and downs they endured, struggles with medical issues and making ends meet.  Genorgrams contain a wealth of information on the families represented.  They contain basic data found in family trees such as a name, gender, date of birth and date of death .  Additional data may include education, occupation, major life events, chronic illnesses, social behaviors, nature of family relationships, emotional relationships.  I looked for disorders running in the family such as alcoholism, depression, and addictions.  The genogram taught me that they may vary significantly because there is no limitation as to what type of data can be included.  It made me look at my own life.... its obvious where my high blood pressure comes from.... definitely because my last name is Reynolds..... where my melanoma has come from.... because i'm a Bryant.  I have another issue

 that I'm trying to explain to my mom and dad... they arent going for it though, ive been told that addiction is genetic... my daddy says i have some explaining to do... another reason i am expanding my knowledge.  My dad does say he gets to be my first client, once i pass the state boards as an alcohol and substance abuse counslor.  i think they both are figuring out that dice with friends on their i-pads are their new addiction!

 

As I said at the beginning, the journey I was on had me using my imagination and wondering what it was like to live their life.  Almost 4 years ago... i lost my only sibling, my brother Jeff...in which left me with  a huge void that

has never filled in... i dont believe it ever will fill in.....i never realized how much we had in common... i can say, i am doing my best to not just go thru the motions anymore... learning to be ok, more than ok, to live and share my hopes, strenghts and experiences with others, to love someone until they can learn to love themselves, to let someone know, its ok to take a day at a time, or an hour or minute or second at a time, to just not pick anything up and put into your body, that God doesnt make junk, and God will do for us what we can't do for ourselves,  I know today that some addicts have to die in order for others to live... i dont like that part at all... i want to change that part.... so, yes i'm ok with letting others know my struggles, my addiction, my denial, my recovery, my passion to help others.  I am so grateful and blessed to be apart of my family, my hertiage, and all because 2 people fell in love! ( and I'm blessed to be apart of this cohert at Uop....thank you, dr. malony, Dr. Kirkwood, George, angelina, cynthia, damian, ronnie, eddie,joe, steven, stacey, and

 celeste... thank you for sharing your families with me

 

Because of His Amazing Grace......



WHERE WERE YOU?

Alan Jackson asks "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?"

 

 

11 years ago..... Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day? Were you in the yard with your wife and children, or working on some stage in L.A.?  Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke Risin' against that blue sky? Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor, or did you just sit down and cry?

Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
and pray for the ones who don't know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
and sob for the ones left below?
did you burst out with pride for the red, white and blue
and the heroes who died just doing what they do?
did you look up at the heaven for some kind of answer
and look at yourself and what really matters?
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell
you the difference in Iraq and Iran
but I know Jesus and I talk to God
and I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
and the greatest is love
Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you teaching a class full of innocent children
or driving down some cold interstate?
did you feel guility 'cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone?
did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her?
did you dust off that Bible at home?
did you open your eyes, hope it never happened
close your eyes and not go to sleep
did you notice the sunset the first time in ages
or speak to some stranger on the street?
did you lay down at night and think of tomorow
or go out and buy a gun?
did you turn off that violent old movie you're watchin'
and turn on "I love Lucy " reruns?
did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers
did you stand in line and give your blood?
did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
thank God you had somebody to love....
and the greatest of these is love....
Where were you when the world stopped on that September day?



That song does give us something to think about..... another one that brought tears to my eyes today as i listened to it..... as you read the lyrics, take a minute to really think about it...

you say you will never forget where you were when you heard the news on September 11,2001.
neither will I.
I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room with a man who called his wife to say "good-bye"
I held his fingers steady as he dialed
I gave him the peace to say," Honey, I am not going to make it, but it is OK...I am ready to go."
I was with his wife when he called as she fed breakfast to their children.
I held her up as she tried to understand his words and as she realized he wasn't coming home that night.
I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a woman cried out for Me for help. "I have been knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!" I said "of coarse I will show you the way home- only believe in Me now."
I was at the base of the building with the Priest ministering to the injured and devasted souls.  I took him home to tend to his flock in Heaven.  He heard my voice and answered.
I was on four planes, in every seat, with every prayer.  I was with the crew as they were overtaken.  I was in the very hearts of the believers there, comforting and assuring them that their faith has saved them.
I was in Texas, Kansas, London.  I was standing next to you when you heard  the terrible news.  Did you sense Me?
I want you to know that I saw every face.  I knew every name-though not all know Me. some met Me for the first time on the 86th floor.
Some sought Me with their last breath.
some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the smoke and flames; "Come to Me..this way..take My hand." some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me.
but I was there.
I did not place you in the tower that day, You may not know why, but I do. However, , if you were there in that explosive moment in time, would you of reached for Me?
september 11, 2001 was not the end of the journey for you.  But someday your journey will end. And I will be there for you as well.  Seek Me now while I may be found.  Then, at any moment, you know you are "ready to go"
I will be in the stairwell of your final moments.
Remember....I love you.


Unfortunately, many people were lost in this cowardly attack.  Many will never be the same.  One day, the calm may return, yet 11 years later, many still feel the shaking inside. To all the heroes that ran towards the chaos rather than like most everyone else, away from it.  To those men and women many heartfelt and sincere thanks.  When you wonder why we are in another country fighting a long drawn out battle, consider all the people who were at work or on their way to work when US commercial jets and their passengers were used as a weapon of mass destruction against the United States. They all had names.  They all had families.  They were guility of nothing more than being American.  And some of them weren't American at all.

Freedom was attacked on September 11th, 2011.  As the keepers of the beacon of freedom, it is our responsibility to defend her wherever the defense of freedom takes us.  So, please lets remember all these people...

As I close, with these meaningful touching words... I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free.....
and because of HIS AMAZING GRACE......

 

LOVE IS PATIENT.....

LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.  It is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs.  LOVE does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. LOVE never fails.......1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-8

 

 

Mother Teresa once said: "GIVE of your hands to serve and your hearts to LOVE"

 

 

Once again, I could write on the word LOVE forever...did you know that LOVE recognizes no barriers.  It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, pentrates walls to arrive at its destination, full of hope.

 

As i started paying attention today to music, to people, to facebook, to text messages on my phone, to verbal conversations, to peoples actions...LOVE is everywhere.... i started looking through my Bible, and it seems like endless verses about LOVE:   because of His LOVE for us, LOVE the Lord, peace and LOVE be yours in abundance, He will quiet you in his LOVE,  and LOVE your neighbor as yourself. 

this is just a few.... i could keep going.  Amazing that since i decided to write about LOVE, it's all around me....

 

The Judd's have a song that i heard today...LOVE can build a bridge:  it says "I'd gladly walk across the desert with no shoes upon my feet.... LOVE can build a bridge between your heart and mine. LOVE can build a bridge, don't you think it's time?"

 

On my way home from school tonite, i heard George Strait's song... A River of LOVE...hey baby won't you take a little ride with me, have a look around, see what we can see, I've got the paddle, I've got the boat, come on baby, I know she'll float.

 

When i think of LOVE songs, LOVE me Tender automatically comes mind by Elvis Presley:

LOVE me tender,

LOVE me sweet

never let me go

you have made my life complete

and I LOVE you so.

 

Some other LOVE songs: Amazed by Lonestar

Breathe by Faith Hill

Carrying your LOVE with me by George Strait

Forever and ever Amen by Randy Travis

I LOVE the way you LOVE me by John Michael Montomery

 

So, they say there's LOVE at first sight?  I'm not so sure about that... i guess it depends on what your LOVE looks like.... for me, it's not just skin deep.... its what's in the heart, the eyes, and the soul... and it's been said Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Beauty is LOVE. 

So in LOVE.... On this day....i promise to LOVE you... happiness will follow you everywhere you go.

 

When we talk about LOVE, we feel it in our heart... there are LOVE stories, LOVE poems, and unconditonal LOVE

 

there is the She LOVES me, LOVES me not flower...

 

 

 I personally don't take the word LOVE lightly.  Yet, I seem to use it often, and as I started paying attention to others around me, all the things I LOVE, things others LOVE....

I love the clear blue sky, i love puffy white clouds, i love to hear the ocean waves, the sound of seagulls and sea lions, i love a day at the park, swinging on swings, a ride down the slide, i love the smell of freshly mowed grass, the smell of baby powder, i love jigsaw puzzels, flowers, diet pepsi, home -cooked meals, McDonalds french fries, i love music, i love face timing with my mom and dad, i love my family, i love playing games, i love happy true stories, i love being a grandma, i love a rainbow, i love watching corn grow, i love that my only neice is pregnant, i love her husband for serving our country, i love having a daughter-in-law and a huge extended family, i love Viana and Alexis and Haylee, I love my kids and their beautiful hearts, their dad for being who is is and my parents, i love their attitudes no matter what event is thrown their way, i love my mother in law, i love my friends, i love Scotty man... he has taught me so much about life....i've loved someone and they didnt even know.....so you see love is all around..

 

There's just something about that word "LOVE", how it awakens one's senses. I found myself reflecting on my journey in life, where i've been and the road that lies before me.  Searching for the perfect words to grace my LOVE IS PATIENT blog...I am awestruck at the passionate nature of how people love, even from generations past.  There has always been something so capitvating about this thing called LOVE.  Mere words simply cannot accurately describe the depth of its meaning.  Yet since time began, people have searched their souls to express Love's essence through music, word art and so much more.The words i have chosen or that have flowed from my heart to my finger tips as i share my Love IS PATIENT blog.  May my writings bless you with a tender and joyful recollection of all that has touched you thus far on your journey.  I believe there is one definite purpose to life and that is to LOVE and be LOVED... may your cup overflow.

 

To the ones I love, you are the sun in my winter sky, you are the hello in my good-bye.  you are the stars shining down on me, you are my angel sent from above.

 

i want to close for now with not only Jesus loves me, but with Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children....

because of His AMAZING GRACE.....

 

 

 love is honest, love is true, love is what follows us through.

 



DAY 1... DEFINING LOVE BRIEFLY

HOW DO YOU DEFINE LOVE?

 

I am sure i could write pages after pages on the topic of love....

 

I believe " LOVE"  can move moutains"

 

So, is LOVE a thing?  or is it a verb?

 

Why do some people ask how they can find LOVE?

 

Is LOVE something that you can pick up like a diamond on the floor?

 

or is LOVE something that you do or something you give?

 

LOVE is something that you do without any condtions.

 

LOVE is giving your heart to someone that you love without expecting something in return.

 

LOVE is the heart of the soul.

 

LOVE is all without knowing why or what.

 

LOVE is something you do not question, because it is the essence of being.

 

In other words, LOVE is the stuff inside you that wants to share with somebody else that has the same stuff.

 

I think LOVE is much to complex to be generalized into one category. For instance , the LOVE you feel for your children is not the same as your significant other, and the LOVE you have for your friends is not the same as the LOVE you have for your parents.

 

If we are describing specifically the LOVE for your soulmate, then it's fair to say that it is a deep emotional, spiritual and even physical connection that links the two of you.  An attraction on a subconscious level, where your energies interwine and attract each other, pulling you closer without you even realizing it, and bringing about a peace that you did not know existed.

 

So much more to write on the topic of "LOVE"..... I'll be back soon to try to expalin "LOVE" even in more detail and depht.

 

For now I will close with the sound of a Sunday school song" Jesus LOVES me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so!"

 

Because of His AMAZING GRACE......

 

 



THANK GOD.. I'M A COUNTRY GIRL....

Well life on a farm is kinda laid back.... it's a simple kind of life that never did me no harm...yet i do know i like living the small city life!

 

My days growing up in the country were at times charming and at times well challenging! It's easy to say though and i truly mean it.." i wouldn't trade my country life for diamonds or pearls"

 

It was early to rise...there were chores to be done.... i can hear "rise and shine"...the pigs need to be fed...believe it or not, i was in 4-h and took pigs to the fair...really me washing and tending to a pig, including bathing them, baby powder and baby oil on them for what i dont remember...maybe showmanship...walking or running around a fenced in cage with a cane to guide them and do whatever, them squillin, and fighting with other pigs hoping for a blue ribbon??? i can remember my daddy saying "i cant wait for your kids to be in 4-h or FFA, and you take your vacation time and spending it here at the fair!" darn it dad, but i never had to do that!

 

so, next were the horses... loved my Rico...gym cana days ( i think thats what its called) barrell racing days... loved riding horses, never had a fear, but i do now!  we had some great rides with Manteca Horseman Association, camping on trailrides, my dad taking me and deeana olson horseback riding and camping.  i remember riding in the christmas parade and how can i forget riding around the football field during home games in the East Union Lancer suit! And i knew something was happening when i decided to sell my horse in order to buy my first car!  at least i sold Rico to a family friend... its coming back now...my dads horse's name was "Pizan" meaning "my friend"

 

 

ok... next... ill keep this one brief..." GEESE"... never liked em, never will... meaner than a watch dog!  They would lower their necks and squak and chase you...i can remember having to go in the chicken pen and collect eggs and run like heck so these dang geese wouldnt bite me!

 

i guess every good country girl has to experience killing a chicken from catching it, to chopping its head off ( i know cruel) and i know now what the saying "running around like a chicken with its head cut off"  means, enough details on that, but then i had to dip it in hot boiling, and pluck the feathers off, then had to eat it!  surprized i like chicken!

 

let's see what's next.... Sherri had a little lamb... i did get the opportuntiy to bottle feed a baby lamb, he loved me and would follow me all around, i dont think its fleece was white as snow though!

 

guinea pigs, rabbits, mice, rats, cats... all the same to me, creepy!  i did get tricked once by who else.. my daddy the trickster... i was actually eating fried rabbit, but was lead to believe it was fried chicken!

 

talk about a trickster.... nice big cold glass of milk, i thought  "cow milk"... nope i was wrong it was "goat's milk"  but i do have good memories of getting gallon jars of warm fresh cow milk with cream on the top of it, i would walk thru the pasture over the irrigation ditch and under the barbed wire fence give our neighbors a gallon jar and id come home from the McDonalds farm with warm milk...i remember making butter to!

 

talk about goats..... one of my very first jobs...very few will be able to picture this... me waking up in the middle of the night and after school, i would walk across the street, and yep...milk goats for a living!  Big time pay... a nickle a goat!  omgoodness... stink, and flies and kicking my bucket of milk over... one reason i like the city life!  i"ll never forget Robin and Myrtle Pease...the goat people!

 

this is not the actual irragation ditch by us.... but many memories swimming in irragtion ditches.  One time that i will never forget in all my life was swimming in a ditch with Artie and Danny Nunes, and getting caught by their dad.... i had no idea it was dangerous or whatever, but i will never forget the sound and sight of that bright orange hay truck coming down the dirt road being driven by Mr. Nunes, hiding from him didnt work for the 3 of us... i dont think i ever swam in an irragation ditch again!  i do remeber having to walk all the way out in the back of our farm to turn on or open up the water valve!  We'd have our rubber boots on slosh our way out there with a flash light,  still hard to believe you have to just wake up and get up when the neighbors called to let us know they were done and it was now our turn!  Some of my best( and

worst ) conversations with my dad... never forget the time i did something out of the ordinary and got caught and totally disappointed my dad.. he gave me the talk as we were irragating... that was enough to be the one and only time i did that, and he was good enough to just talk to my friend too, and never threw her under the bus..(.love you Sherrie H.)

 

did i mention the garden... oh what I'd give today to have a garden like we had. " but why do i have to weed or cut okra or pick 5 gallon buckets of tomatoes, this is just wrong, i dont want to eat any of this stuff"!! Clearing remember complaining how unfair it was!

 

let's see.... how about the cow paddy fights... the hard dried ones made descent frisbees! wasnt fun getting hit with one, running barefooted in the irrigated pasture, , learning to make dill pickles, soaking em in a brine or salt water, canned pears, apricots, canned anything!  we had a total room off the garage filled with jars of homemade everything made with love.  that's my dream and goal this next year to learn from the best and make canned spagetti sauce, tomatoe juice, salsa, freezer jam.  i believe its a lost art, so yes mom and yes to my mother in law... i want to learn! even though its much easier to walk down the isle and pick up a jar of this or that, it's just not the same!

 

oh the country life... thank God I'm a true country girl!  catching the bus in the fog , or walking past the corn fields ( one of my favorite things to this day is watching corn grow, i know sounds silly, when it actual is very simple and amazing)....riding a tractor (but i dont think it was a "big green tractor).. did i say i loved climbing on hay bales and talking to a certain someone thru the fence ... the more i write, the more i remember... after our pigs or swine were killed and made to eat by the butcher people, we would make pork skin or pork rine...can still see the pig hairs on the pig skins.  eek!

 

so as i've reminsiced some tonite... i am so grateful for being a country girl... i believe you can take a girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl!

My daddy taught me young how to appreciate the country life, he taught me how to work and how to play, he taught me how to live a good life, with him by my side, and everything i do ...do it with pride!

and like John Denver said..."when the sun's coming up I got cakes on the griddle...life ain't nothin' but a  funny funny riddle... thank God i'm a country girl/(or boy)"

 

I was taught how to love and how to give more than just alittle...

 

Thank you God for the country life...

 

the house i grew up in is still standing, (corner of Lathrop and union) only remaining house... now its all about Del Web, Raley's, Starbucks, Auto store... for now i buy my spagetti sauce, tomato juice, freezer jam, pickles, store bought tomatoes, okra, green beans, pork and chicken and beef in the butcher department, milk with a date on it, lock my doors, get my yard water for flowers out of a hose,...and address my elders my Mr. or Mrs.  

 

because of HIS AMAZING GRACE