MY RESUME......

This is a total first for me....a resume ....well actually my first attempt and it didn't turn out as planned!  Once you glance at my resume you will be the first to say  "oh dear Sherri, let your intelligent son or daughter help you with the resume!  but for now, this is my resume and from here on out, I will upgrade it on an annual basis, each August, each year when I turn one year older and wiser!

 

My resume........

 

mom, wife, daughter, employee, friend, granddaughter, aunt.  Wait, my resume contains "JACK-SQUAT",  in terms of fancy title, ivy league or corporate chest-thumping titles.  I have "hands on" experience in loving all my babies, Viana, Lex, Haylee, Gabriel, Mila, JJ, Riley and Ella (give me more please!)  I have loved ones who put up with my quirks, all my magizines, blogging (haha), playing with my hair nonstop (this one i have the most experience in, 51 years), I am the best when it comes to hair twirling, my trademark in fact!

 

I'm a housecleaner (well now i have someone who does a much better job!), a wife, loving and caring, yet stong and courgeous. Able to use a hammer, drill, lawn mower, any household chore i chose to do.   Does for others any chance I can, struggle with low self-esteem, try my hardest to "let go and let God".  Doting mother of 2 successful, happy, healthly, handsome, beautiful, God loving children.  A grandmother that loves unconditionally.

 

I cook in much to large of quanaties (yet presently working on that, i promise!), organization is important, love notebooks and journals, can never have too many of them empty or full.  scrapbooking is a passion and the more pens and clicker pencils the better, give my best at being a photographer (as a hobby), posting and following my peeps on facebook.  Cloud watcher and cloud shaper imaginer, always in awwww of sunrises and sunsets.  Not the best driver (slight lead foot), can get easily distracted, occassionally hit the buttons, don't always change lanes in time (mind you, only one ticket in 31 years though)

Music is a MUST, enjoys country, rock n roll, gospel, hip hop, any and all music is great!  The more fluffier & softier the blanket the better, can never have enough tupperware/rubbermaid containers, Hobby Lobby favorite store, attracted to bright colors, love to camp as long as full hookups are available!  Wants to learn to play the keyboard, sewing is a hobby (beginner projects only!), hiking, changes mind often (and has huge imagination).

Dreams of opening a resturant "The Checkerboard Cafe" serving chicken n dumplins, frito pie, chili beans, tacos, stuffed bellpeppers, homemade icecream and cobblers.  Praying to go on a missonary trip, a beginning gardener, loves to travel, loves God with all my heart and soul, believes in prayer, miracles and stands strong in my christain faith.  Has the BEST parents and loves them to the moon and back, wishes for a cure for cancer, diabetias, kidney failure and MPS.  Hopes for no more hunger, abuse and "prays for peace"

Enjoys "quality time verses quanity time", very expressive, tendency to be shy and quiet, caring, generous, loving and compassionate.  Not wealthly in money, but wealthly in love, grateful  and counts blessings one by one.  Loves movies, especially family and love stories. Nature is good for my soul, fasinatated by hummingbirds and butterlies.  Needs to keep cats as far away as possible!   Texting is main source of communication, keeps busy, seldom relaxes, yet enjoys "chilaxing"

The dental field has a huge part of my life, helping others whenever possible, willing to share experiences, strenghts and hopes with others, understands the disease of addiction, how baffling, how sad and scary, yet how rewarding it is when another addict finds the rooms.  Lets see, in spare time enjoys star watching, magazine reading, long drives, cuddling babies, getting pedicures and following Pintrest.  Enjoys the sound of ocean waves, the feel of warm sound, finding whole sand dollars and spotting starfish.  Loves greeting cards, a cold diet pepsi, a carmel frappicino, celebrating birthdays, a chance to kayack, a fishing pole, the zoo, flying a kite, hoop earings, mascara and chapstick.  Enjoys the smell of a campfire, a bar-b-q, a roasted hotdog, s'mores, baby powder, freshly mowed green grass.  Peaceful sounds include a mountain stream, rushing river, tree frogs, a belly laugh, a babies coo and a waterfall.

Resume to be updated often, if important info has been left out, will be added without hesitation.

FOR FURTHER INQUIRIES, CONTACT ME OR HAS SLIGHTLY BIASED REFERENCES UPON REQUEST.


ALL BECAUSE OF HIS AMAZING GRACE.....

CAUSE ALL OF ME LOVES ALL OF YOU....

Like the lyrics of John Legend song "All Of Me"....Greg, Cause all of me loves all of you, all your perfect imperfections, give your all to me, I'll give all to you.  You're my end and my beginning, even when I lose, I'm winning...Cause I give you all of me and you give me all of you.

 

  I hope you know you are....

• the ocean to my beach
• the better to my person
• the mac to my cheese
• the cream to my frapichino
• the salt to my peppper
• the supporter to my dream
• the heart to my love
• the bloom to my flower
• the marshmellow to my s'more
• the cream to my ice
• the model to my role
• the grill to my cheese
• the voice to my unreason
• the sanity to my crazy
• the sauce to my spagetti
• the anchor to my insane ideas
• the berries to my captain crunch
• the cream cheese to my bagel
• and the sweetness to my Amazing Grace
•  
• Just know that the couples that are meant to be are the ones who go through everything that's designed to tear them apart and come out even stronger!
•  
• Happy anniversary...its been a wonderful 33 years....thank you for all you do...thank you for spoiling me, putting up with me, loving me and believing in me when I didn't believe in myself.  thank you for the two amazing children and being the husband, father and friend you are!  another 33 years?? deal!

KNOW WHEN TO HOLD 'EM.....

That old Kenny Rogers song came to mind today, as I was thinking over the happenings of yesterday.  In terms of horses, you should never be to sure of a horse.  Riding horses is always a gamble.  There are no sure bets, and you could win or lose with a stroke of luck, good or bad, or some people like to say "that's how the cookie crumbles" or "it is what it is".  There is no predicting it, how things are going to go or what exactly is going to take place.  Today, I think the cards were stacked against me in the hand I was dealt yesterday (being soooo sore today!)  Well, the two hours were fabulous, but paying for it now...I don't want to focus on the pain though...I want to share with you each detail from start to finish as if you were there.

 

I wouldn't exactly call myself a cowgirl...maybe a city girl that you can take out of the country, but can't take the country of this girl.  I am definitely not an  Annie Oakley, Calamity Jane or Dale Evans, but I do have a new found respect for them.  Ok, Ok, actually, I owned a horse for years.  I rode for hours and days.  I have memories of trail rides with Manteca Horseman Association, camping with my daddy and Deena Olson and being able to ride anyway we wanted in the mountains, through creeks and rivers.  I remember Kelly Montalvo falling off my horse and breaking her arm (wonder if she remembers?) I also fell off my horse as he tripped on railroad tracks, praise God for braces on my teeth or I think they would of been knocked out.  I have memories of racing around the football field during halftime of football games dressed in the Lancer suit.  Barrel racing out at the Lewellans areana, breaking records and setting new times, all the trophies and ribbons Rico and I won.  Rico and I ( and my daddy and his horse) rode in many downtown parades.  My horse Rico was a beautiful quarter horse and my daddys horse name was Pizan "my friend".  I have great memories that I will cherish forever and yet it saddens my heart when I realize I chose to sell Rico in order to be  the new owner of a red Vega, stick shift and all, not even knowing how to drive it....yet because we sold the farm, moved to town, I was limited on options....yet warms my heart to know Rico went to a loving family and home of Dr. Howard Miller, who it seems had Rico for 100 years!

 

Ok, Ok, you see I have some experiences riding horses, yet found myself filling out the paper work yesterday and signing my life away at the horse stables here in Half Moon Bay marking "inexperienced/1st time rider".

 

It's obvious I love to write and I love to include details.  For me, there is nothing like getting a brand new notebook ( sorry Greg, you are stuck with me and all my notebooks!)  You open it and it's blank...just waiting to be filled in with adventures, experiences, knowledge, sentiments, good memories, tears of sadness and tears of joy, colorful adjectives and whatever else comes my way....my horseback ride was very similar yesterday.

 

We had actually gone down to the harbor.  You see, kayaking in the ocean is on my bucket list...yet Greg and Lex weren't nearly as excited, so I decided to leave it on my bucket list and head back to the campground...when on our right, which I have seen 1,000 times "Seahorse Ranch", we passed it right up but with some slight corhorsing  from Lex, Greg flipped a U-turn.  Lex and I walked up to inquire about this adventure.  We were both in shorts and flip-flops which are both not allowed on the horse ride....in fact Lex only had flip-flops, so we were on a mission to get lex some tennis shoes.  We placed our name on the next day early-bird trail ride.  I then remembered I had 2 pairs of tennis shoes, we'd make them work for her.  Yes, they were big, but she had all her basis covered...." I just come from a family that all have BIG feet and I have lots of growing pains in my feet!"

 

Lex wanted to set the alarm for 3 am, then decided 5 am would give us enough time to get there by 7;30....7 am was actually enough time to get ready! 

 

Back to signing the release forms, Lex getting her helmet, meeting 2 sisters her age from Oregon that were going on the trail ride also.  Time to get on our horses, piece of cake for Lex, a tiny boost from the Ranch-hand.  Me, on the other hand, thinking you want me to put my foot that high, then pull myself up and swing my right leg over.....uuummmm no, can I use those steps to get on.  Once I was on the saddle, it was all coming back...too late now, once paid, no refunds.  The Ranch-hands reminded us one hand on the reins and the other on the saddle horn, once feet in stir-ups....toes up and heels down, and if your horse starts to trot, stand up in the stir-ups....ok, well I had no intentions of trotting...but my horse had other intentions.  Not even sure my horses name, something in Spanish, so was Lex's.  She was very good natured and they both sensed our calmness, thank you Jesus!!  Once we were on our horses and we were headed out through the back of the stables, there were many more horses grazing and watching us leave, probably knowing they were up for the next trail-ride.  Clop-Clop, tails swishing, biting of bridels, we were underway....small bunnies hopping across the trail, little cotton tails, amazing how the small things become the BIG things.  The ocean was insight, the cool breeze and the smell of the salt air....I now just felt like this was meant to be! 

 

We took a high trail, through the state park, smelling of coffee and bacon cooking..yumm!  Oh No, a dog on the loose, yet the ranch-hand was on it and cut the dog off, not letting him spook our horses.  The scenery changed quickly down and amongst some trees...the ground was muddy, bushes and trees completely hiding this area.  It reminded me of a secret garden, within seconds our horses were stomping through a foot of water, splashing one another.  It was a magical place....a place I will never lose sight of, absolutely gorgeous.  The ranch hands are now telling us as we head down the rugged and steep path to the ocean lean back in your saddle.  Oh boy, I can do this, I can do this, just relax and have faith.  Oh, so worth it....our horses headed straight to the water.  The sounds of nawwwing horses, ocean waves crashes and little girls laughing as horses stopped to pee and poop, eewwies and ickies and comments like "no grammie, my butt won't be sore tomorrow , because my bottom is like cotton balls, it's fluffy".  I had to giggle.  No cameras or cell phones were allowed and I obeyed ( well greg made me).  Yet, one smart lady had her phone and the guide said no problem, he'd take pictures.  I have a picture or two but the visual pictures in my mind and heart are way more valuable.  I think Lex is loving it as much as me.  She, like me, is in her own little world.  I know it's something both of us will never forget.  We headed back and enjoyed each second left, taking it all in.  Headed back to the stables, I was looking forward to hearing what Lex had to say..."for 2 hours that horse was mine, it loved me and I loved it.. ...that was the best thing ever."

 

Yes, I agree Lex, it was the best thing ever!  Yet I'm pretty sure I will leave the horseback riding to the youngsters.  I'm really sore today, I can barely move, as I lay in my trailer listening to the birds chirp, people staring to move about the campground, the ping of golf balls being hit and the fog rolling out and the sun peaking through and it's...

 

 

All Because of His Amazing Grace....

LOVE MY HERITAGE...... MY DADDY & RALPHS RECENT TRIP

My heritage is very special and meaningful to me.  I have done some research and gathered some memories that will live on through photos and writings.  Generations have come and gone, lives have been lived and families have been loved.  I know there are some I will never know much about except for the fragile photos and letters and receipts which are yellowed with age from a forgotten attic or basement.  Yet, they are my family and they have endured hardships and heartaches.  I cant begin to imagine.....life was probably slower then and they experienced similar joys.  Over the years while learning and listening and weaving stories and photos together, I was caught up in a journey only my imagination could take me.  I do wish I could step back into time and be a part of their lives....share their secrets, their joys, and be a part of their stories, then it would be easier to fill in between the lines.

 

But for now, I will continue to gather my family onto pages with pictures and a few faded words or names from the backs of the old photos.  I am a part of the puzzle and a piece of my heart is tucked into each page I write.  Their precious lives and sweet memories are a part of who I am...after all, this is my heritage.

 

Just a few weeks ago, my daddy was able to come out here to California for a visit.  Of coarse to see many people, but wanted and needed some quality time with his older brother Ralph.  They had great times and one of those days they ventured south to find the house they grew up in.

 

McFarland..... Ralph says he moved there from Texas, so at the age of 12, my daddy would of only been four.  Talk about memories....Ralph actually broke the curfew law, yes, he was picked up and he spent the night in jail.  The jail is still standing....

 

They love to talk about picking cotton.  The story goes 2 ways......

1.  my daddy worked hard ALL day picking cotton

2.  my daddy picked just enough cotton to get a comfy

bag and took a nap on it the rest of the day

(spoiled brat)

 

I've yet to figure out the way the true story really goes! I'm pretty sure though!

 

My daddy remembers a few things about this house in McFarland.....

He threatened to spit on the ground, being warned if he did, he would clean it up.....sure enough his sister Georgia made him clean it up when he did spit....always pushing the envelope!!  My daddy says his closest sister in age Nora was a fink.  "she told on me when I stole a car from the dimestore.  He had to not only return it, but experienced the leather whipping strap, which is apparently long gone....thank goodness it was thrown away with the fear that it would be used on his kids...thank you grandma Reynolds!!

 

just a few years later!!!

 

they remember the shed behind the house too.

 

after 10 days together just recently they had lots of laughs, rilling each other up, talking politics, family life, growing up, health and who's gonna die first.  you see, their siblings and father were 47, 52, 58, not a long life-span, so they are both happy and surprised and grateful to be 85 and 74.

 

But the day before my daddy had to fly home his last words to Ralph were.." now, don't go dying on me or..."  and Ralph says " what you won't speak to be again?' my daddy says "no, i'll shake your ashes!" (another joke between them....Ralph wants to be buried while my daddy cremated and no changing either one of their minds)

 

Once again I'm blessed to be able to write and weave photos together to continue and be able to share apart of my heritage that I love so much and its

 

All Because of His Amazing Grace.....

 

 

SALT AND LIGHT.....

There is nothing like worshipping together with my family.  Makes my heart happy!  I've never been a huge note taker during sermons, I really just need to listen.  Yet Pastor Dave at New Life (where Mike and Bea go) makes it very easy to do both.  This particular seris we are in is called "Who am I?"

 

I am a lot of things.....a wife, a mother, a daughter, an aunt, a cousin, a niece, a granddaughter, a daughter-in-law, a mother-in-law, a grandmother, a friend, an employee, a lover of flowers, a person with lots of desires, passions, dreams and goals.

 

Until I heard this sermon, I never thought of myself as "salt of the earth" like it says in Matthew 6:13.

 

I know if I let go, let God, get out of the way, God will use me to bring about change.  But if salt loses it flavor, what good is it?  It's gritty and irritable... yet salt

 

*perserves

*purifies

*creates thirst

*melts what is cold and hard

*heals

 

God also wants me to be a light to others.  He wants me to let my light shine in dark places too.  It (light) has its biggest impact in dark places.  Like the Sunday School song goes " this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, don't hide it under a bushel, no, I'm gonna let it shine".  God wants us to put our light on a stand and let it shine for all.  He wants our good deeds to shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise our God!

 

I do believe you have to "have feet to your faith and action to your believeth."

 

I pray for more salt and light in my life.

 

All because of His Amazing Grace....



CHARGE GOLIATHS HEAD-ON....

There is no doubt is takes courage to confront challenges of life.

Even according to Linus and Charlie Brown.  Linus doesn't like to face problem head on.  He thinks the best way to solve problems is to avoid them, it is a distinct philosophy of his.  Linus tells Charie Brown that no problem is so big or so complicated it cant be run away from!  I can speak for myself and probably fo rmany of others on this... most have witnessed firsthand the failure of this particular philossphy.  Sure,  this strategy works for a while, but sooner or later, you're forced to face the reality that the problem is still there...and likely worse than ever.  Most can recall an experience with some troubling situation in your life, whether its family, friends, fianaces, big decisions....all is well for a while...until one day the problem was back, bigger than ever and starring you right in the face!

Yes, I'm a fan of facebook and probably on there more than i should be, but something completely grapped my attention last night and can't help myself but to touch on this, yes it is close to my heart, yes, it is from someone i respect and love to the moon and back, so yes, it means alot to me and want to stand up for this.....

Amie wrote " makes me sad that even adults get bullied in the work place (not me, I WOULDN'T put up with it)  some people are so unhappy and thrieve on making others life miserable.  How do these kind of people sleep at night?  but justice is not ours it is HIS!"

I won't comment on the many isolated situations, instead pray for this person and people involved.  But I will say it takes courage to confront the challenges of life.  The well-known story of David and Goliath is an inspiring example.  We can let the giants in our lifes continue to intimidate us and back us down day after day, or we can say "enough is enough" and charge them head-on.  When we find that kind of strength within ourselves, the surprising result is often a much easier  victory than we had anticipated.  David had five stones in his bag, but he only needed one!

Is there something you have been trying to run away from?  If you're not an avoider, that's great: keep charging your giants!  However, if you find in yourself the tendency to delay doing what needs to be done, start praying for a spirit of bravery and boldness.  We are called to be conquerors, not cowards. Resolve to stop running....it's time to stand and fight!

let's be David's and charge Goliath's head on....

All because of His Amazing Grace......

LOVING A SMALL LIFE GROUP.....

It was such an honor and a feel right at home feeling to be back and be a part of my mama and daddy's small life group Sunday evening.   We also  enjoyed the Sunday morning service...Great worship team, harmonizing, and prasing our almightly Lord.  Pastor Darren had another great inspiring sermon, "never stop improving" (like the Lowe's commericials, and from Matthew 5:17-20, understanding and realizng that God judges our heart as well as our deeds, for it is in the heart that our real commitment lies.  God tells us to be just as concerned about as our attitudes that peope dont see as about our actions that are seen by all.  A repeated one liner that continues to stand out "In order to have a victory, there has to be a battle".  Yet it is reassuring to know that "God will never leave us or forsake us". and in Phillipians 4:13 it says "with Christ all things are possible".  During small group we talked about how  Jesus wants His listeners need to have a different kind of obedience altogether (out of love for God), not just which is mere legal compliance.  Our obedience must:
1.  come from what God does in us, not what we can do by ourselves.
2.  be God-centered, not self-centered.
3. be based on respect for God, not approval from people.


Ernie and Belinda Moore's home is always open and warm.  I love how their Hawaiian roots can be seen and felt throughout their home.  Last time I was there, it was Halloween theme food, this time it was Easter themed foods.  We mad twinkies with marshmellow tires, pretzel steering wheels, a peep driver, made not just the perfect car, but the perfect sgar high!  I love how we get to be comfortable, shoes off, the Dockeries chilin on the floor, Debbie opening her heart and getting real, no holding back, but being reassured by Mavis and John that she's a wonderful servant of God and knowing her story and my mama and daddy's story, I couldnt help but remind them that God gives some of His hardest battles to some of His strongest soldiers.

Not only is it wonderful to study God's word and dig into the todays sermon and take it to another level.  It's great to have a homemade meal of this and that together, but my favorte part was to know and feel that when 2 or more gather in His name, He is there, and to hold each other up in prayer, to pray for Audrey and the 5th or 6th knee surgery she is going through, for Mr. and Mrs. North, for Sharon Davis as she goes to MD Anderson for 2nd opioion, and the family of Mary Ward as she received her angel wings and is singing amongst the angels, to give praise for my mama's complete scan results (pretty much the same as December results, no changes).  Anyways, it is so amazing to be a part of their church family, and be amongst people who love and serve The Lord.

All this,
Because of His Amazing Grace...                                                                       

ZIPPITY- DO-DA...ZIPPITY DAY...

My oh my, what a beautiful day....

 

there is just straight up not enough hours in the day....there's just so much to see, to do, and to write! I wanna take more pictures with my camera, plant more flowers, listen to more music, cook more gourmet meals, clean out more cupboards, scrapbook more, send more cards, read the Bible more, have coffee with friends more often, watch more tv, sit in the hottub more, take more bubblebaths, watch clouds, go on Pintrest more often, make and decorate more cupcakes, swing and go down slides more and continue to work on my bucketlist!  my list of I wanna could go on for days, so I'm not even sure where to start!  LOL...did I say I wanna blog more??? I wanna blog and share with you...

 

*places I would love to live...

*my favorite parks...

*sweet & simple luscious berry desserts...

*11 states in 11 days...

*my favorite places to eat...

*scrapbook thoughts...

*Life as a hobo in Italy for 3 weeks...

*the bravest things I have ever done...

*my favorite present I ever received..
*what takes my breath away....
*what are my biggest pet peeves..
*a room with a view...
*dear pizza man...
*the road turned and...
*a lightbulb went on and...
*10 songs I will listen to for the rest of my life...
*motto in life....

anyways, you probably get it...I have many, many blog topics that I just don't seem to have time for!  yet, its so good for me to write, to put the pen to the paper, so gonna put it at the top of my list of things I wanna do!

Lately, it seems like my blog topics have kinda been heavy, yes heavy on my heart, things that I felt important to share with you, maybe it would touch someone's heart or help someone realize they are not the only ones struggling with something....you see some of the biggest reasons I started blogging, started opening up and sharing some of my inner-most feelings and thoughts, shared my brothers death with you, my drug addiction and recovery, my moms ongoing battle with cancer and her great strength, courage and love for God, my daddy's daily dialysis, my me-ma's alzihmiers progressing disease, my first great nephew and his mama and daddy's journey in the army,  ( you may notice, I don't blog too much about my kids, they tend to lead alittle more private lifes and prefer me to keep it that way).  Tonight, I decided to keep it fairly light-hearted and simple and share with you one of the best gifts I ever received......of coarse Mike and Renee are the most precious gifts, and the grace of God is the most awesome gift, but several years ago, I received a gift that wasn't a person of that type of gift, this gift is tangible, yet filled with every emotion imaginable!  Ok, its a toss up...I have 2 gifts! 

The first one...."a deck of Kanasta cards".  not just a deck of cards....but a deck of cards that was purchased in 1958.  My mama and daddy were merely 18 years young....belonged to the US Army, stationed in Maryland or Virginia Beach, only knew 2 people ( some of their best life long friends today)...it was a Friday night, and they broke open their piggy-bank and bought a half gallon of ice cream and a deck of Kanasta cards. 

Wow...if cards could talk....I can just wish.  They traveled with them all over the place, were in the hands of many, won some and lost some.  They made lots of natural Kanastas and dirty Kanastas, made many points and even went into the hole and had to catch up.  This deck of cards still has their color to them, even though slightly faded, corners bent, and slightly stained.   So,  an over 50 year old deck of cards was so perfectly kept in their original container, tissue paper gently wrapped around them and placed in my Christmas stocking....talk about emotions and happiness and yes a tear or two to my eyes, this is definetly a gift that I will treasure forever.....

One little side story real quick...for many years, I have heard the story of the soldier in church and he pulled out his deck of cards, because he didn't have a Bible.   A Sergeant saw the cards and said "soldier, put away those cards"  Once the soldier was able to explain his reasoning....(I've never forgotten it)

*the Ace...reminds me that there is but one God.
*the 2....reminds me that the Bible is divided into 2 parts, old and new Testaments
* the 3... I think of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost
*the 4..the 4 Evangelists who preached the Gospel; Matthew, Mark, Luke & John
*the 5...five wise virgins who trimmed their lamps
*the 6...reminds me that in six days, God made this great heaven and earth
*the 7...reminds me that on the seventh day, God rested from His great work
*the 8..think of the eight righteous people God saved when He destroyed this earth; there was Noah, his wife, their sons and their wives
*the 9...the lepers our Savior cleansed and nine out of the ten didn't even thank Him
*the 10... I think of the 10 commandments God handed down to Moses on a table of stone
* the king... it reminds me that there is but one Kind of Heaven, God Almighty
*the queen...think of the Blessed Virgin Mary
* the Jack... the devil

Anyways, my mama and daddys deck of cards is absolutely priceless to me...a gift that no amount of money is able to buy. ( Oh wait, I did say I had two gifts huh?  the second one is my brothers baseball mitt.  ).  all of this is...

because of His Amazing Grace


ONCE AGAIN.....FROM ME TO YOU.....

Like I was saying last week....this has been so heavy on my heart and it's just let's see, it's not amazing or priceless ( two of my favorite things to say).  This time, it's more like over-whelming, breath-taking in a bad way, insane, hectic, pestering, anyways you probably have caught on...it's bothersome, that's it!

 

Not sure 100% where to start, even though I never am until I let go and let God, pray , become brutually honest and open, completely (well almost)  put myself out there and open my heart and bare my soul...so here goes...

 

 

Addiction is a disease.  There is no easy cure (only the desire to stop). You can't beat it.  An addict will always struggle with it.  Please believe me on this one, not everyone agrees and that's ok, because not everyone is an addict, knows an addict, or loves an addict.  But it's no different than Lupus or MS.  You just learn how to deal with it.  Manage it, without feeding it.  Just please don't have in your mind that "addicts are weak"  Recovering addicts are some of the strongest people you will ever meet.  They are strong because they know the only way out of their addiction is jails, institutions or death.  They know this and yet continue to fight for their clean-time.  Some have to fight to regain all the things they lost in active addiction, and some never recover what they lost.  We fight every single day to be better than we were the day before and we fight for the rest of our life.  Just please don't tell me, I'm weak because I'm an addict, don't judge me ( like Nicole, my niece pointed out, "no way Aunt Sherri, that's God's job, not mine or anyone eles'...thank you Nicole).  I already feel like I live my life in a fishbowl, on display for everyone to watch every move or non-move, but you know what, even though there's been a time or two it's bothered me, I'm truly grateful.  My fishbowl scenario or description is really just being open, honest and accountable and that's how I want to live my life.

 

What is painful is some people don't understand, believe or even have enough knowledge about the disease of addiction.  It's not that simple- sometimes even complex- yet the only cure ( please know there is no magic pill) for the disease is to stop using, and only when one is ready.... I was ready......I was at a point where it was consuming my life....lights were on but no one was home...I was 3 feet under, one foot in the grave, yet only a few knew.  I was tired of feeling numb, of masking my emotions, and I was tired of carrying guilt and shame, it's very heavy when you can't unload some of it, and the utmost truth is, I had people praying for me, and I knew God was speaking to me....He opened doors....and He closed doors...big doors....right in my face.  I was tired of trying to reopen doors or windows, it was time to surrender, it was time to put up the white flag and give up on what I was doing.  It was shown to me over and over, God wasn't ready for me yet, He still had plans for me here on earth and I needed to embrace that grace and love and follow His path.  Let me reassure you, it hasn't been a smooth, easy path, but that's ok, no matter what I know, He is right beside me or carrying me when I couldn't do it on my own.  And just recently He had to carry me..."when 1 is too many and 1,000's not enough"  I was at that point when 2 is better than one right?  slipped into relapse mode.  I'd like you to understand, accept, follow and make me accountable and just support and love me.

 

Most who will read this, know me in some form, yet there's parts you may not.  I'd love for you to gain a better understanding of why I am, why I do the things I do and why I've done some of the things I've done.  I think differently than you do...I know that can be hard to accept.  Some of this may or may not make sense to you, and some of you may think it sounds likes excuses, but just hear me out on this one.  I've said it before years ago and used as a simple illustration but going to use it again: most kids when fairly young ( I did) would think there was a monster in their closet or under their bed, and someone would come into my room and reassure us that there wasn't a monster, they'd even open up the closet and look under the bed.  I believed them.  Now that I am older and have experienced what I have, you cant convince me of that anymore.  But since I do what I do, I've come to realize that there is a monster...but its not in my closet or under my bed, its inside of me and if I cant ignore this monster, it will destroy me...I know that.  One of the phrases that always jumps out at me and I know in my heart "when we use drugs we are slowly committing suicide..  Sometimes, its really hard to think about the majority of society believes that an addict is weak, a lost soul.  Society only thinks they know how addicts act, and their behavior.  Addiction has no boundaries, doesn't discriminate, rich, poor, young, old, educated, professional...it doesn't matter.  Dang-it....drug addiction, how is it possible you steel so many lives??? of people who love life, had plans and dreams, have a loving and supportive family and friends.  You (drug addiction) are MANIPULATIVE AND UNCARING.  You get into people's veins, heart, mind, soul and every being....yet with a much needed 24 hours with my sponsor yesterday and today....reassured that I am a member of the no matter what club...this monster will not get me and I will do whatever I can and have to in order to help others live life without the use of drugs and all of this is....

 

becuz of His Amazing Grace

A WHITE PICKET FENCE DREAM.....

To me, I will always visualize and continue trying to complete the picture of "having it all".  Some days I mostly feel like a little girl dressed up in her mom's high heels pretending to be old enough to do this.  I will always continue to print pictures or cut them out of magazines of flowers, pots or pieces of picket fences and simply make my yard "my own".

White picket fences call to my mind, lazy summer days, maybe a yard full of pets, children playing, ideals of family and home.  I'm sure at one point the white picket fence simply served a purpose....to mark property lines.  Now it is associated with the "American Dream".  White picket fences now offers so much more than security to our yards both in the front and back.  No matter the size of your lawn, garden or home, white picket fences exude charm and cottage style.

The simple white-wash of the fence provides a wonderful back drop for flowers, greenery, grass, towering floral bushes and climbing ivy.  All these co-exist perfectly with picket fences of all types.  Even flower beds or hedges along the fence line will turn a plain wooden barrier into a very inviting envirorment .

I have to say for me, it doesn't  and isn't just "a white picket fence".  I have and love my hot-pink section of a picket fence draped and wrapped with a bright blue hose.  Then there's my brighter than sky-blue picket fence leaning up against the house, under my bedroom window with wind-chimes and azales surrounding it.  It might seem silly to some, but for me, picket fences bring character to life!

Join me for a bit as I take you to what truly is behind my picket fences.  So welcome to "what's behind my pickets fences".

Yes, it all started with having a comfy-small home with the perfect family of a hubby, then a boy and a girl.   Now that our family was complete with many friends and family, pet after pet, which they also enjoyed life behind a picket fence.   Behind our picket fences, you will see that we love to cook, we enjoy playing games, watching movies,  we enjoy relaxing and taking naps, we love music, we love to make family memories, taking pictures, sharing our dreams and hopes, we praise and love the Lord, we support and encourage each other.  We love sleepovers, building forts, covering up with soft homemade blankets, we love to plan our next vacation or weekend away.  We love to have our blinds open and let the sunshine brighten our home, we enjoy having the front and back door open feeling the fresh breeze come in.  Behind our picket fences, we enjoy playing dice, dominoes, canasta, making homemade cards, looking at old pictures, working on family trees, crocheting, sewing, scrapbooking, playing with our dog(s), watching sporting events, secret millionaire, the voice, American Idol, swamp people, the Kardashians, chillaxing in the hottub, enjoy good food, the smell of pinesol, sharing our daily experiences with each other, building each other up, trusting and being loyal to each other and most of all love each other uncondionally. 

So, at anytime.....you are welcome to enter past our picket fences and share with us however you'd like....

All because of His Amazing Grace....



GENERATIONS AWAY...

The album Golden by Lady Antelbellum has 12 songs of life, love, and lonelisness.  I love this entire cd...but hands down, no questions about it "Generations Away" is the best.  The song has a catchy tune, very upbeat and the lyrics, they talk about how the wish they'd like to be various historical landmarks. (If I were a prison, I'd wanna be Folsom).  There's a slightly funk guitar sound here and there, close to the country/island of Kenny Chesney or even Jimmy Buffet.

Some feel its a silly song...in fact it ends with a "He's got the whole world in His hands" sing along, which can be borderline impossible to take seriously , yet i feel its harmless fun, and its a crowd pleaser.  So for me....it's a 2 thumb up and I hope it is for you too!  enjoy the lyrics...

"If I were a summer, I wanna be '69

I'd be chilling, listening to Dylan

holding up a peace sign"

"If I were a prison, I wanna be Folsom

Johnny Cash be rocking that black

singin to the strips and kickin out the lights"

Hey, what can i say?

I hope they'd talk about us that way

there ain't no place id rather be

then right here making history

Hey  what can we do

here we are, its me and you

So, lets take all the pictures 

we can take, for the generation away.

If I were an old car, I wanna be a mustang

American made with a white rag top 

on a blue sky day

And if I were a preacher, I wanna be Dr. King

Oh I know he's up there smiling down

cause we all still have a dream.

Hey, what can I say? 

let's make some memories while we can

laugh and love, don't mess your chance

Cause He's still got the whole wide world in His hands

So, baby lets dance

I hope they talk about us that way,

raise your voice and have no fear

let 'em know you were here singing

hey what we are, it's me and you

so lets take all the pictures we can take

and let's make all the memories we can make

He's got the whole world in His hands

He's got the whole world in His hands

so come on everyone lets dance

so sing out loud and wave your hands....
'cause He has the whole world in His hands

I love this song and so enjoy the quirkiness about it!

and its all because of His Amazing Grace.....

A TASTE OF HOME.....WHY I COOK.....

Why I cook....

 

to feed my creativity.....

because a new ingredient is like a new toy...

to show my love....

because I love food....

to feel like a artist.....

to remind me of my childhood...

because my kitchen is one of my happiest places...

to unleash my inner chef.....

 

Cooking is an out for me....I love how it makes me feel (as long as I don't have to clean..Lol!).  I love taste-testing...I love presentation.  I love the comments or should I say suggestions.  Cooking makes me happy and lots of times, it makes others happy and yes, I feel like an artist and I love having a small audience for feedback and I love when it's yummy in your tummy.  I love my kitchen, I have my favorite knifes, favorite skillets, favorite platters and yes I love paper plates!!  Cooking brings love to the air, cooking brings back childhood memories and I hope it makes memories for my kids that they some day will share with their kids and most of all cooking brings out my inner chef!

 

I have to say I enjoy cooking verses baking.  Baking is ok, but my mom and mother-in-law are so good at baking, I kind of leave that up to them.

 

I love cooking shows...Emerald, Rachel Ray, Paula Dean, Guy Fieri, Chopped, Cupcake wars, 30 minutes or less, Food Network, Bobby Flay, Giada, and Trisha Yearwood.  Basically, there is nothing like a home-cooked meal made with love that can spark old memories of our childhood.  Down-home country recipes have a special place in my heart...recipes that have created memories that will never fade.  Most of my favorite dishes to cook and eat are family favoirites:

Mona's....Ola-la-berry pizza

Mom's.....chicken-n-dumplins

Me-Ma's...peach cobbler

Dad's...pineapple upside down cake

Mona's....potatoe soup

Mom's.... gumbo

Ok, Ok.... there's salmon patties, mashed potatoes, beans and cornbread, Texas sheet cake, tacos, home-grown spaghetti sauce, homegrown tomato juice, fried chicken...darn I'm getting hungry as I am writing this.

 

Cooking and food makes so many memories.  Take Valentines for example.  For almost 30 years, we have had the same tradition with or without kids.  A red tablecloth spread out on the carpet, hot dogs and cheese wrapped in a cresent roll served with tator tots and a splash of ketchup and mustard to deep them into----love is definitely in the air.

 

Spaghetti - 3 different recipes all in the same evening makes for a spaghetti cook-off, and the winner is....ALL 3.

 

One of my favorite times of cooking was our "Backwards dinner".  First, you weren't allowed to enter the front door, back door only. 2nd, you had to dress backwards or inside out! Lots of creativity and good sports.  Then being everything was backwards that could only mean dessert first.  Awwww, that was Viana's favorite part, I mean how often do you get to have ice-cream sundaes and rice krispies treats before your meal! Not very often, but one time we will never forget.


I grew up on this menu, my kids grew up on the same menu and the next generation is enjoying it too.  I share this with all my friends...."English muffin pizza's"   we each get to top our own pizzas with our favorite toppings....salami, pepperoni, ham, olives, ham, pineapple, onions, mushrooms, cheese....place 'em in the oven and anxiously await for the timer to go off!

Another one of my favorites to eat is a meal of nothing but things from the garden, from my mama and daddy's garden.  Not only is it healthly and tastey  but with all the love and hard work is behind it makes it even better tasting.  From plowing the ground, smoothing the ground, making the rows, digging the holes, placing fertilizers, rice hulls, placing the seed or plant and placing the soil back around it, watering it and padding it down nice and firm, and watching day after day for it to break thru the soil and climb and curl around the poles or string....more water, lots of sunshine, keeping the weeds away.....before we know it, there's the pods of okra, the green beans, the flowering zucchini, the green tomato turning red or gold, the radish ready to pick and eat, bellpeppers, chilis, haberneros, cilantro, all ready to add to homemade salsa.  Yellow squash and zuchnni sliced and grilled, black-eye peas & okra.  Oh, okra...fried okra and boiled okra, both at the top of my list....so hard for me to grasp that there are people out there who have never tried okra.  So, yep a garden meal has got to be one of my favorite meals!

Throughout my adult life, I have collected 100's of recipes and the stories behind them.  Each recipe is a memoir of the person who created it and carried it down from generation to generation.  I'll have to say the main ingredient is the person not the food.  As I follow the food-stained, time erased directions, I can see, hear and smell the person who shared it with me....from

Grandma Reynolds and her chocolate bread pudding
Nora and her strawberry jello gram-cracker dessert
Mona's oli-berry pizza
mom's chicken n dumplins
dad's pinto beans and cornbread recipe written on a paper towel
Shawna and her black-eyed pea salsa
Jerry's baklava
Dortheil's peanut butter pie

I can remember the pan that the dish was made it.  I feel the comfort of each warm kitchen as I remember all the knick knacks that stood on the shelves, the lace curtains that hung on the windows.  We not only shared recipes, we shared our lives.  We shared the love of food, love of family, love of friendship.  They are classic recipes in the sense that they are characteristics of that person.

Basically, there is nothing like a home-cooked meal made with love that can spark old memories of our childhood.  Down-home country recipes have a special place in my heart.  Some of these recipes have created memories that will never fade.  Chicken-n-dumplin's, which I make over and over and even upon request! Cornbread in a cast iron skillet, Sunday after church fried chicken dinner along with mashed potatoes and incrediable Peach cobbler, hot and fresh right out of the oven!  Oh the aroma of a hot peach cobbler, there is nothing like it.  I love the top layer of pie crust...weaved in and out of each other, the melted butter, the sprinkled sugar and cinnamon & the bubbling edges, and the sweet aroma...in fact making my craving even stronger.  This was not only my favorite, but many others.....no one could make it like my Me-Ma.

Growing up when dinner time came around, I/we never had to fend for ourselves and just eat.  We came together and would sit down at the table together...a tradition we still do to this day, and grace was always said before we ate....yet I always knew "grace wasn't a prayer we just asked before a meal, it was a way to live".  I'm so grateful for being taught that.

Another favorite is church get-togethers for Thanksgiving, Christmas, chili cook-offs, bar-b-q's and roasting a pig in the ground.  Lots of great memories...my Me-Ma, my mom, my mother-in-law and now my Renee are all cooking inspirations for me....

Meatloaf (my mama)
homemade mac & cheese (ann souza)
fall off the bone ribs ( Renee)
Magic beans (Erin)
chicken stuffed bellpeppers (lindz)

and the list goes on and on...
So now maybe you can see just another little piece of my puzzle of why I love to cook.....

to feed my creativity...
to show my love.........
because I love food.....
to feel like an artist.....
to remind of home- growing up.....
to unleash my inner chef

and all because of His Amazing Grace.....

 

 

 



SEEMS LIKE SPRING......

As I sit comfortably and listen to the weather report on a 30 second intermission on Good Morning America....I can't help but take a few seconds and talk to the good Lord and thank Him for the beautiful record-setting 70 degrees tempertures these past few weeks (yes, I wrote this 2 weeks ago, just now putting it on my blog), yet kindly asking Him to bless us with some much needed rain.  I know there are many South Dakatoans, East Coasters, and mid westerns that are just wishing for some of our Spring-like weather.  From blizzards to freeze outs to hundreds of car pile-ups due to snow and ice and being house bound due to the weather....and then there is our spring like weather!

 

For most of us it is thrilling to greet spring after a long cold, snowy, dark winter. As I drive around I notice even the horses and cows seem bored and are so over winter weather, as they stare over the fences into the garden with expectations.  So you see, horses and cows aren't much different than us, we seem to stare at the garden and yard from inside the house.  I saw this picture on facebook that showed Californians all bundled up with beanies, gloves and parkas on a 50 degree day , while kids in Colorado run through the sprinklers on a 50 degree day!

 

It doesn't even feel like winter has arrived (till now), in fact it had felt like it skipped us all together.  It seems like spring has quickly arrived and small bits of spring color.  On an early meander through my courtyard, I spot a cluster of morning glory already making an appearance.  I push away leaf litter in the corner of the flower bed to reveal miniature 4 o'clock's rearing their lovely budding leaves.  Another walk out of my front gate reminds me of how beautifully my black-eyed Susans are wanting to missile their launch once again.  Usually my early Spring is measured by spots of colors.  The early risers in my yard definitely revive my sense of wonder and passion for my flowers.  I then realize not to get to excited...the ground hog says there is 6 more weeks of winter, and I'm sure there will be more freezing days, frost covered mornings and much needed rain.

 

But soon, I won't be counting individual garden thrills, because flowers and perinals will come in rapid appearances.  After being quiet and keeping it on the low down for months, the flower beds will ramp into full throttle blossems- the hibiscus will bloom like we live in the tropics.  I know it's silly, but all this makes me giddy and thankful, and knowing that eventually the other shoe is gonna drop, and both feet will be in and everything will be in bloom. (did I say bloom? one of my favorite sayings "bloom where you are planted" or better yet.."bloom before you are planted". and living your life as a fruit of the Spirit person, bearing good fruit and living in grace.  Take your time and discover the fruit of the spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  The fruit of the Spirit from my understanding is a relationship with the one who wants to give you the most abundant life you can possibly have- a life of peace, freedom and spiritual growth.  So, at this point I take a deep breath, decide to become more like Jesus, I don't want to wait  and hopefully you don't either, till it's too late...so there you go  "BLOOM BEFORE YOU ARE PLANTED".

 

Ok, back to spring and all the lilac blossoms, daffodils and all the black-eyed susans.  Once again, I learn the lesson that I choose to forget each year, "what Spring giveth, she often taketh away".

 

One thing that I don't enjoy or don't look forward to is the wind.  Yes, to fly a kite and watch the soft white cotton like clouds blow across the bright blue sky.  Yet, when the winds little hands work its way through the 500 feet high pine tree in my front yard (ok, maybe I exaggerate a little!) and blows and bends, not just the branches, but the entire tree sways to and fro, at times I pray it doesn't fall, it's almost eerry though and extremely messy when the pine needles drop like when cotton leaves float and make such a mess....and the wind seems like an ancient, mischievous spirit , yet wind in the winter beats wind blowing in the spring or summer.  It can blow like the breath of a dragon and for sure havoic takes place. The wind reminds me of the bully wolf from the  "The three little pigs" tale.  Like the wolf, the wind huffs and puffs and blows things down! We can't stop the wind, just like we can't stop the spring and the "bloom where you are planted or bloom before you are planted" theory.

 

Spring will come when its time, and for today I will be grateful, and its all

 

Becuz of His Amazing Grace.....

 



5 YEAR JOURNEY......

5 years of gratitude......

5 years of struggles......

5 years of learning........

5 years of meeting people like me....

5 years of heartaches......

5 years of happy-heart times....

5 years of knowing the disease doesn't discriminate..

5 years of the disease taking the lives of loved ones...

5 years of forgiveness, love, support, courage, strenght and grace...

For the first part of my journey I did a lot of listening and keeping quiet.  I didn't know what to say, how to say it, find the words to say it, nor really wanted to say it.  I had myself believing I didn't have anything worthwhile to say, I didn't have anything to offer to others.  I made myself believe that for along time, and still do most of the time, yet I have learned and have seen that if you don't share and graciously give away what was so graciously given to you....you won't be able to keep it!

5 years does fly , but at times can either seem to drag or even come to a stand-still.

I am extremely grateful for all the people that have been a part of my recovery.  I have so many to thank and will attempt, yet apoligize ahead of time if I leave anyone out, it's not that I  forgot you, its just thank it can be
over-whelming but  my heart is overflowing with love for each one of you, named or not named.

Some don't even know my story, I'm not the most open, outgoing, put everything on the line type of person, because if I do put myself, my heart and my trust out there, I simply have a few expectations. I know I shouldn't have expectations, but can't help it, when you are dealing with someone's heart.

I'm pretty sure there's not one person out there that when setting their goals and dreaming their dreams it includes "being a drug addict".  I know I didn't.  I never dreamt I would be an addict at 45, even more I  never thought I'd overdose, end-up in the emergency room nearly losing my life, or dreamt that I'd lose someone I loved from an overdose..  I never imagined I would know other addicts, that I would eventually fill out paperwork to visit friends doing time in jail, know people on parole, been incarcerated for years and years, people who live on the streets, under bridges, eat out of dumpsters, lose their kids to CPS due to choses they made or didn't make.  I learned right away that we couldn't look at the difference....we had to look at the simalarites and the simalarities was drugs.
 The simalarites that we hurt, we didn't know how to say no to the drug, we didn't make good choices, we truly were good people making poor choices, we lost loved ones, we disappointed not only others, but ourselves...we let ourselves down.

It has taken a lot of hard work on the inside to get where we are today.  It is so beautiful when we can say we love ourselves and actually feel it and others can see it.  Character defects will always be a part of what we work on and just keeping it real and honest... I  have quite a list of things to work on.  Even after 5 years of working on them, seems like I touch on it, do some work on it, see some improvement and boom another one pops up....where did that one come from? why didn't I  see that before?  But I can say I appreciate you all very much.  Thank you for loving me back to where I am today.  It seemed I wasn't deserving, wasn't gonna make it, didn't want to make it without Jeff, yet because of the love and support of everyone, I'm well on my way.

I just thank God for His divine intervention and that He is a power greater than myself, greater than I can ever explain, except He obviously had other plans for me.  He wasn't ready to take me home, He filled  me with His love and grace and gave me the courage and strenght to go on and take one day at a time.
  He has proven over and over , He will do for me what I can not do for myself.  I am so glad He led me to New Hope Recovery Treatment Center, to have the courage to say "my name is Sherri F. and I am an addict, and I need help".  Those were some of the hardest words ever spoken.

I am grateful for greg, for standing by me, as I checked myself into a residential program for 30 days, for believing in me, for loving me, for supporting me and for never giving up on me or walking away from me.  I am sure he will never know how much that all means to me even 5 years later.  Thank you to Uncle Kenneth for meeting greg and I at New Hope during the intake and assessment process, you were very reassuring to both greg and I that I was making the right decision. I am grateful I was introduced to NA, found a sponsor ( I love you Lou and Tina), for my peers, for opening up and sharing their fears, hopes, and experiences, for praying with me and encouraging me.  I will never forget Holland, Chris, Steve, Shawna, Karen, Jana, Gail, Sue, Mona, Rita and so many others.  Thanks to NA, and all my predecessors for showing me a new way to live and thank the 12 steps and the counslors for guiding me and helping me understand.  Thank you to my mama and daddy for allowing me to be the best daughter I can be, for calling everyday and sending cards and care packages and most important for praying 24/7 for me and not being ashamed of me.  Thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law for being open-minded and stepping out of her comfort zone and coming to family group every Tuesday and Sunday, and the homemade Snicker-doodle cookies for all of us.  Mike and Renee for standing by me and loving their mama regardless and I know it wasn't easy to let your friends know what had crept into our family.  I appreciate my neice and nephew for coming to visit and being so open minded.  I appreciate my work- the few that knew and sent cards and held me up in prayers, for Dr. C for doing what you had to do by elimanatitng my position with you, yet keeping me on with VODG and giving me a 2nd chance, a hurt and pain that I will never get over but it is what it is and will never understand but yet respect your decision  My church family was amazing.  Pastor Mark came and prayed and shared with me each week, and also believed in me.  I am grateful for my friends, you do find out who the true ones are at a time like this. I want to acknowledge  all the special roles each of you played, I just don't want to leave anyone out.  John Metz for the friendship quotes and the desire for me to be whole again, not so broken and lonely, for giving me your humanitarian metal of honor award from the army, I hold on to it with utmost respect and honor, ( and for the wool socks and mittens and cant forget Bart!)  To Ann Souza for being that friend that never left my side, you just stayed without asking, so thank you and I love you! For Kimmie, Tom and Scotty-man for pictures, phone calls and supporting my family 110%.  Tiney Perry, Bev, hope, Brenda for totally getting it.....friends for life terry and Harlan, times of need always there...thank you Allison for letting lex come and be a huge reason I needed to get better and janet and haylee for sharing in my journey. Uncle Ralph, Sandra, Uncle Kenneth and  Johnna for your love and support and loving me uncondtionaly.

One thing that when I mention struggles, I'm proud to say as disappointed as I was to not be able to be a living kidney donor for my dad because of certain prescription use, and my mom once again and again having the "C" word be a constant part of her life and me feeling like I wish I could do something for her- no matter the struggle or as my mom says "a bump in the road"  is in my journey, I haven't found the need to pick up and use and the feeling of joy when Renee graduated from Humphries Law School, when Mike married Beatriz and shares equal love for Viana.  To watch Alexis, Haylee and Viana grow up into respectful fun-loving young ladies ( and did I mention being a grandma is one of the most amazing feelings in life?) being able to touch someone's life or someone of someone eles life, or even possibly help save a life or two along with divine intervention.  The happy times, the heart breaking times, the pushed to the limit times, none of them ever have made me pick up...Praise God and it's because of so many people and because of God's amazing grace.  I am grateful God gave me a 2nd chance, that He has chosen to use me and my life to help others find a new way to live and nothing warms my heart more than that!

When I was in treatment, they made us and encouraged us to write, write and write some more.  I've taken that advise and truly believe the magic is in the pen. I am grateful I've been able to do this, has helped me tremendlously and even if just one person has gotten anything inspirational out of my writings and blogs...God's plan is working.

I do have to ask this occasionally " how can I expect God to repair my heart when I don't give him all the pieces." a part of me died that October day....yet a part of me lived that day and still lives, and I share the love and hope I have that Jeff would want me to pass on to others.  I also share his story, his love of life, of family, of gardening, of adventure, of music, of writing, of the son he was, the brother, husband, father,  grandson, uncle, cousin, nephew, and friend he was.  I continue on my journey and hold my head high because of all the people, love, support and inspiration in my life.  I do this for you greg, mike, renee, mom and daddy, mona, alexis and viana, me-ma and everyone else I mentioned and I am sure others I haven't mentioned 

A butterfly will always inspire me, just when the caterpillar thought it was the end of the world, the butterfly emerges....miracles happen and because of Jeff's death, many have been granted life , and I for one will never take life for granted and never stop saying this is all happening because of

His Amazing Grace...

ACT NOW TO MAKE A CHANGE.....

Most of us, we count on there being a tomorrow, however, some of us will not see tomorrow.  In either case, there's no time like the present to do the things that we have either been putting off or are to lazy to attempt today.

 

I like the question..."does motivation bring productivity or does productivity bring motivation?"  Either way, it is only by acting that we accomplish our goals, whatever they may be.  It doesn't matter if the goal requires long-term planning and step-by-step achievement of goals or if the desired outcome is one that we want to accomplish today.  If we fail to act, our goals wont be achieved.  Not today, not ever.  Goals are only met when we put in the effort and do the hard work required to achieve them.

 

Who can make the changes but us?  Our loved ones, our family, our friends, a sponsor, a therapist, an employer cant do them for us.  Others can make recommendations, encourage and support us, even inspire us with their actions

 

Why do we put things off anyways?  For some, it's the fear of failure.  For others, it's the fear of rejection, or a combination of the two.  Or, we may just be too lazy, feel we have too much on our plate already and think there is always tomorrow to get busy and care of matters.  I believe we can overcome the tendency to put off what needs to be done by taking small steps towards our goals.  We don't have to bite off more than we feel we can chew, just take small bites.

 

It's important to remember that we grow as we learn.  Little things do add up.  We can make "making changes" a little easier by setting a small but desirable goal for ourselves.  Then we can figure out the best way to go about achieving that goal.  Then we need to get busy and do what needs to be done.  At the end of the day, we'll have made progress and made some small changes in our life.

 

Most of the time, people have a tendency to make New Year's resolutions, yet how many actually stick to them? I know the percentage is pretty small.  I'm not one to talk, because it seems to be the story of my life, not being able to follow through with change.  I'm for sure not saying change is easy, because for me, it's very challenging.  I do believe age henders making changes, makes it more difficult, kind of like the saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink."  I will admit, there are times that I will dig my heels into the ground and not budge.  I'd like to be able to say "I welcome change", but that's not true for me.  I am trying to be more open about change!

 

I do know change is inevitiable, some easy, most not so easy.  When it comes to change, I do like:

 

*change of seasons

*change of colors in the fall

*time change twice a year

*change in my purse

*changing of the guard in Washington DC

*change of pace ( I love free-time)

 

some harder changes for me:

 

*changes in technology

*change in routine

*change of careers

* change of diet

 

 

I have learned though that change is easier for me if I turn it over to God and ask for His guidance, His strength, His direction, and stay open minded and open hearted for his plans to prosper me.  And I can do all this because of His AMAZING GRACE....



My Me-Ma's "NEW WORLD"......

"36 hour day" and "Learning to speak Alzheimer's" arrived today....it's hard to put them down.  I have so much to learn and understand, I hope it's formatted simple enough for me.  I don't even know the difference between Alzheimer's, dementia, and just plain memory-loss.  At this point, whatever the name of the disease my Me-Ma has, something, something that has made her lose some of her intellectual ability and the ability to think and remember.  The ability to think before she says something and the ability to say something without thinking.

 

I want to learn to speak Alzheimer's.  I want to learn to live in my Me-Ma's world.  I want to learn that when her words "fail" her (she always says " I don't blame you if you want to leave, I'm not good company, because I don't know what to say or what to tell you) I want to be able to "listen" to her through her eyes when she tells me that.

 

Just recently, I have reached out and talked with several people who have loved ones living in the Alzheimer's world....I don't feel as alone.  I now know there are millions and millions of "us" out there watching and grasping at straws to learn about, understand, be patient and not wear our hearts on our sleeves.  I know we're not alone anymore.  It is just so sad how devastating, irreversible and progressive this disease is.  It breaks my heart to see how it robs millions of people of their language, reasoning, and memory.  It destroys a lifetime of memoires, and it just seems to whittle away at the core of a person's identity.....I don't know, maybe it is just my pure selfishness, I don't know, but I feel robbed, robbed of my vibrant me-Ma, who loved to fish, who taught me how to play yatzee, who loved camping, who loved going to church and worshipping our Lord, singing How Great Thou Art, and Amazing GRace, who made the best ever peach cobbler and beans and cornbread with black-eyes and okra.

 

Even though I know Alzheimer's is the 3rd most costly disease after heart disease and cancer, there just seems like there is a hopelessness..  I don't know much, but I do know when I hear the words "this is not the person I knew", I am greatly saddened.  I have heard these words on tv, read them on the internet, read them in the newspaper and I hear these words in person, in fact, I personally have said these words.  This disease is difficult to understand and hard to accept. 

 

I know some people can be so happy and child-like, not a care in the world, and be so happy-go-lucky, yet there can be such a range of negative emotions also.  It can come on so powerful that it is equilvelent to a human tsumaini.  Anger, sadness, feelings of hopelessness and the inability to cope apparently are so common.  So, not being a part of the Alzheimer's world....it's easy to believe that the person you know, is not the person you knew.  It's an easier approach to something  that is very difficult to understand and accept.

 

I have come to accept that Alzheimer's is an illness.  It is a disease of the brain.  It seems to differ from most other diseases, being it lasts for years, even decades, and there is no cure.  This disease changes the way a person talks, the way a person acts and behaves.  We've personally experienced this and its hard, devastating and so painful.

 

I know my Me-Ma didn't sign up for Alzheimer's.  She didn't ask to go into this new and bizarre world.  She doesn't say the irrational things she has said with intent.  I know her brain is not functioning properly.  I know this is caused by the disease.  This change in our Me-Ma is so dramatic and so enormous that it takes time to digest and understand and accept for that matter.  I just pray that we will all become comfortable with Alzheimer's.  For now, I just want to understand that Me-Ma's brain sometimes sends her the wrong signal quite often. And for now, I want her to use my brain when necessary.  I just pray and hope I can accept and view her words and actions as her "new normal".  After-all, it's a new world.  It's Alzheimer's world, and in Alzheimer's world, you become more and more forgetful, and you move and do things slower and slower.  It's not always easy to adjust to a slower and slower pace, but I know its my time to learn.  It's my time to learn patience.  And of coarse, its one of the fruits of the vine, and there is a definite upside to learning patience.  Once I learn more and more, I can take this new found patience into the "Real World".  So, it's a win-win....patience in the Alzheimer's world and in the Real World!

 

And I know, people with Alzheimer's have gifts to give.  I know my Me-Ma has lots of gifts to give, after-all with all her strengths, all her wisdom, all her faith, all her love, and all her courage, how can I not be blessed?  So, today, as I do in my own recovery, I will take "one day at a time" in her new world.

 

and this is all because of HIS AMAZING GRACE......

MY SUNDAY AT THE FEEDSTORE.....

This may come as a surprize to some....sometimes I even surprize myself,  I try to be a good sport  about it when it comes time to tending to the animals at the feedstore on our Sunday feeding day.  Yes, i am deathly afraid of rats and snakes and cats and rabbits and guinia pigs and roosters and and and! But sometimes you do what you have to do!

Thank God I'm a country girl...well, at one time I was....doesn't mean I am now! So, a day ( ok an hour or so) at the feedstore, on a Sunday when we're closed, after-all they need feed and water too!  On this particular day, I go in my favorite pajama's and slippers (usually I'm in socks or barefooted, but not doing this chore!

We also have Mazy-Grace gracing us with her presence today....so, we know we are in for a treat!  talk about a treat...she thinks she has hit the treat jackpot....she think she is sneaky, but she really isn't!  First it is a pig ear, and wonders as slyly and quickly as possible, then she greets "Wetto" with her shrill bark, and Wetto responds with "Hello' and a rockin wave.  Ok, W

etto, I hear you, I know all your peanuts are gone, I'll get you some more!  Then there is Aruba, a Citron cockatoo...don't trust this little guy, for he is known for biting people, he even has a sign on his cage that states "I bite"  and you want me to get close to you?? no thanks!

Mazy is just running from place to place cage to cage and trading her treats in for new ones!  something is intriquing her in the fish room, until the roosters "cock-a-doodle-do" caught her attention! Birds, birds and more birds....zebra finch, yellow cockateils, mustache parkakeet, button quails, doves, pigeons, baby chicks, hens, roosters and then there is the pure white fluffy rabbit right in the middle of these guys!  Made absolutely no sense to me....but who am I !

Did I say Mazy has now snuck a pig ear, a bone, a plastic shoe and is continuing to see what she can sneek!

so, now that all the little birds are fed and watered, its out back to the roosters, the doves, the pigeons, and the baby chicks.  EEEKKK....their feeders and waters are so gross.....but I wanted to get home, so I rolled up my sleeves and reached in there and got it done!  Not something I want to do on a regular basis though!  Now, its off to the way back where there are even more critters.  This area is alittle more intriguing to me.  There is an elevator type thing that I guess used to bring sacks of feed upstairs.  This particular day made me visualize what 70 some years ago how things used to work....made me wonder if there was a fork lift or if everything done by hand.  There were several areas of the store that I had never even seen before and to be honest there are still a few areas that I really don't want to see.....greg says its called mezzine.  That's one place I wont ever be going....I know for a fact that the rats and mice live up there....One time Alexis and I saw them run up that elevator thing and we both screamed and we were done!

Then there's the egg room or where the egg room used to be.  The turkeys, the baby animals that are too little be put out for sale are back in this area. Then there is the room that collapsed just recently.  and the area where all the building goes on.  Between Mike and Tony looks like a wood shop in this one area...they build dog houses, more and more chicken coops, pens, racks and anything eles they want!

So, I can say that I once was a country girl....still have just a little country in me!