BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.....

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF...way easier said than done!  Most of us believe in something or someone eles, but usually don't give ourself enough credit. 

 

I was looking for something tonite and came across this card from some very dear friends,( back in March of 2009)...it appeared at the perfect time, a time that i was questioning and doubting several things including myself and the path the Lord is leading me in. Yet between coffee with an extremely amazing friend this weekend, those 4 words  ( I believe in you) spoken from someone important in my life  and finding this card this weekend....I DO BELIEVE!!

 

After 4 months of in-house treatment and IOP (intensive out-patient treatment), at my graduation ceremony from New Hope (i'm grateful to say i am an alumni of New Hope), some special friends , family, co-workers and support group graciously attended this huge acheivement that i had accomplished.  Anyways, back to the card....ill share it with you:

 

I believe in you....

in your spirit,

 your goodness,

in the way that you face each day

with a commitment

to your life

and the things

that really matter.

i beleive in the decisions you make,

in the careful consideration

you give each challenge,

in the perseverance

you've shown

when others might have given up

i believe that you possess

an extraorinary strenght

and endless reserve of resilience-

even more thatn you realize.

you are a person of enormous courage,

sonone truly special in this world,

a rare and beautiful gift to all of us...

and I hope you'll never forget

that I believe in you!

 

 

so comforting and reassuring when someone believes in you....and,,, remember to believe in others while you believe in yourself

 

 



GOD DID NOT PROMISE.......

I truly needed to hear this today....so much going on, yet because of this, i think i can go on...

 

 

GOD DID NOT PROMISE...

 

God did not promise that nothing would grieve us

but He promised instead that He would never leave us...

God did not promise that we would have no fears

but He promised to be there to brush away tears...

God did not promise that there woud be no high water

but he promised to stay with each son and each daughter...

God did not promise we would never leave earthly friends

but He promised that in Heaven life would have no end.

He did not make us puppets and He will not pull our strings

We are only earth bound creatures until Heaven gives us wings!

He says that when we need Him, He is always there

He is never very far away...

He is just as close as a prayer!

 

 GOD DID NOT PROMISE......

 

 

THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE......

I thought about what to say, how to say it and just where do I begin.... the hardest part is just beginning ....so here i go:

52 years ago today, (and some days now , i started this on his birthday, just not able to finish until now) the world was blessed with JEFFERY SCOTT REYNOLDS....
my brother....not a day goes by that i dont think about, smile or sometimes even cry due to  a huge void that i have been left with.   Yes, i have a void and at times just go through the motions, but i love to  smile and even laugh remembering life as Jeff's little sister.

Tonight,( august 20th) on my way to school, i had the most amazing funny conversation with my mom and dad.... oh please, so my dad says, "remember when you shut the car door on Jeff's hand?" ha...my dad had it backwards, jeff slammed the car door on my hand!  and 'what about the time you spit on him?"  of course, thats all they saw...i got my one and only spankin because of that. So, i once again had to set my dad straight...  jeff had me pinned down and i couldnt move, with a loogy of spit hanging over me.... he would suck it in and out and it would be just inches away from my face, when i got loose, i spit on him... and of coarse thats all that was seen and i got in trouble! typical big brothers  are good at getting little sisters in trouble! Then my dad precedes to tell me that i was responsible for Jeff having to eat some soap! ok, lets hear it dad, what did i do this time?... he says " you had a poo-poo diaper and it smelled bad and Jeff says , mom, Sherri shit her diaper! soaptime!


Jeff was the best Uncle ever.... he took Mike to his first concert...Tom Petty.  He drove mike and nae to missouri several times.  He chauffered them around, played games and passed on his love for music to both kids.

Jeff loved Memphis... Graceland, blues music, and cajun cooking.  In Memphis, he would always eat at the Interstate Bar-B-Q and the Ron da vue rib house.  and yes, i had the opportunity to go try his favorite places too!

I love this picture.... August 7th, 1998..... Jeff married the love of his life, kris.  Jeff was not only a husband now, he was a Dad, and a great one at that!  Kris and Jeff and Nick adjusted very well to their new life. Wasn't long until  their family grew, with their daughter cynthia.  Both working, cooking, cleaning, and rasing Nick and cynthia. Their life got really busy, at times not knowing if they were coming or going! Nick played football and 4 years of basketball at Downey Highschool ( a full circle for nick, this is his 2nd year of being head coach of the freshman basketball team at Downey) . Neither Jeff or Kris missed a game, both loud and cheering, telling the umps what's up, open your eyes, your blind! Jeff videoed all the games.  Nick was the apple of their eye.  Webster Dictionary defines the word FATHER as "a male parent", but according to Nick, he was his hero and mentor.  Jeff wasnt Jeff to Nick, he was his "dad", his lifeline and support.

 

 

One of my favorite songs.... "He ain't heavy, he's my brother."   The road is long with many a winding turn, that leads us to who knows where, who knows when, But I'm strong- strong enough to carry him. He ain't heavy, he's my brother....Jeff i love you and miss you....

 

What a priceless possesion that i will always cherish.... makes me think of that song "Have A Little Faith In Me"...and when your back's against the wall, Just turn around and you will see...I will CATCH your fall, have alittle faith in me.

 

Jeff had many passions in life, from nick playing basketball, his gardening, his tomatoes, peppers, and flowers.  One of his biggest passions in life was music.... one of them at the top of his list was music from blues, to R & B, alternative, country, jazz, it didnt matter...music... just bring on the music.  I had recieved an e-mail from one of his best friends, and it said " i will say the artist who topped your brothers list was Bruce Springfield" Jeff loved many types of music, but no one came close to "THE BOSS", Born in the USA.

 

omgoodness.... jeff was the biggest Bruce Springsteen fan.... he went to many of his concerts....2 of his favoirte Bruce songs:  "walking in Memphis " and "Meeting acrose the river."

 

Christmas 2007.... christmas eve was always a good time.... lots of family and friends, good food and gift exchange, and we all remember the true reason for the season.

 

 

Our years together at East Union, he drug me into yearbook, it was Jeff's passion, and i was so lucky to share his passion.  He was a natural photographer, a natural journalist, he passed a bit of his writing flare onto me, yet how i wish he could of helped me through English and Theory class at UOP!  Jeff furthered his career , attended and graduated from fresno state.  He worked at fresno bee and then transfered to the Modesto Bee.  we loved reading his articles

 

 

let's see.... not just our love for music, but our love for starbucks!   i collect starbucks cards, but i never had the opportunity to get a Ray Charles Starbucks card..... until i got Jeff's..... another priceless part of Jeff.

 

there are soooo many memories, its so hard to stop.  i do know with all the memories we have, it does make my heart smile,even though there is a huge hole/void and  i will never forget. Afew words that get me by..."death leaves a heartache that no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal"

 

 

A day that no one is ever prepared for.... that day was October 16th 2008... i couldn't breath.. i tried to breath, but i couldnt, it was instant, this couldn't be true, please dont let it be true....by heart was broke literally, emotionally and physically.  yes, life has changed, its not the same for kris, nick or cynthia, not for mom and dad, for me and my family or to me-ma... no more dad, hunny, son, grandson,brother, or uncle jeff.  all we have is 48 short years of memories, so i have encouraged everyone that knew him to grab onto those memories and hang onto them, it's all we have of my brother Jeff.  I've was told that my heart damage from the heart attack i had the very minute they gave me the news of jeff, would heal in a year or so... but my heart will always be broken, yet with all the memories of jeff, my heart does smile.  And like the song Bruce Springsteen sings "this little light of mine,  I'm gonna let it shine, won't let Satan blow it out, I'm gonna let it shine" i know it's what Jeff would want and expect, so I'm gonna let my light shine because of him and for him!

 

Jeff loved the Lord, knew his maker....no doubt,  he is walking the streets of gold.  He knew where he was going.  Brad Paisley and Dolly Pardon share a song that is so fitting..." when i get where i am going, on the far side of the sky.  the first thing that I'm gonna do, is spread my wings and fly like a bird.  I'm gonna land beside a lion, and run my fingers through his mane, or I might find out what it's like to ride a drop of rain.  Yeah when I get to where I'm going, there'll be only happy tears, I will shed the sins and struggles I have carried all these years, and I'll leave my heart wide open. I will love and have no fear, yeah when i get to where I'm going, dont cry for me down here.  I'm going to walk with my grand daddy, and he'll match me step for step, and i'll tell him how i missed him every minute since he left, then i'll hug his neck.      so much pain and so much darkness in this world we stumble through. all these questions i cant answer, so much work to do.  but when i get where i'm going and i see my maker's face, I'll stand forever in the light of His amazing grace, yeah when i get where i'm going there'll be only happy tears.  i will love and have no fear when i get to where i'm going, dont cry for me down here.       this song gives me strenght..... and i know for sure, if heaven wasnt so far away, i'd go visit for the day....

as i close with this last poem that i share with you,  i'd like to say "thank you for all your thoughts, prayers and for sharing our memories of Jeff with us, its been the hardest journey of my life, of our lifes.Yet i love to smile and reminice of so many good times.  Jeff.... happy birthday , i love you, i miss you and thank you for being my angel and giving me the strength and courage to do what im doing...

 

Jeff.... you showed me alot of things.  i learned alot  that i never knew.  but you forgot to teach me one last thing, how to let you go.  i know you didnt mean to leave me. sometimes we have no choices.  i miss being your little sister, hearing my name being called by your voice.  I wish I got to say "I love you", before you were given to the sky.  If God could grant me one last wish, I'd ask to say good-bye (actually not good-bye, but until we meet again). You always meant alot to me, i could never love you less.  I know its true when they say HE ONLY TAKES THE BEST"

 

so, with His AMAZING GRACE.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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WIND BENEATH MY WINGS....

MOTHER.... did you ever know that you are my hero?  You're everything i wish i could be....i could fly higher than an eagle...for you are the wind beneath my wings....

it's just amazing.... my mom is an angel on earth.....she doesnt have an enemy one, she is the most tender, loving, giving person you will ever know.  My mother is everything to me...she is my lifeline.  She raised us in a christian home, prayed everyday for us, and taught us right from wrong.  I know once i get started blogging about my mother, it will be hard to stop!  There is just so much to share.

My Mother, the prayer warrior....there has been many times I've asked her "mama, don't forget to pray for me"... i have never forgot how I was raised, but sometimes living way to fast,,life can be like a rollar coaster ride up and down, yet she has taught me how to take it slower and enjoy
God's beauty each and everyday.

When i truly sat down and really thought about all the songs and Bible verses that has her name all over them.... today, i will share some of those and give you a slight glimpse into this beautiful, amazing lady, and the best part is she is my mother!

Proverbs 31;28.....". Her children arise and call her blessed" ... the footnote states..".blessed is one who enjoys happy circumstances and from whom joy radiates"   This is so my mother!

Ezekiel 16:44.... "as in the mother, so is her daughter"    I am so proud to be able to see my mother in me! its a privlege and an honor.

omgoodness, how we love to laugh and be silly and play headbands!! i think thats a turkey on her forehead, she is far from a turkey!

Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by two's and three's, by dozens and hundreds.  Plenty of roses, stars,sunsets and rainbows... but my mother stands alone, when God made her, Her threw away the mold. Her heart is as big as the world.  She understands what we do not say.  Another word for mother is LOVE. It's true when they say a mother holds her childrens hand for awhile, but  their hearts forever!

Another song that the lyrics always remind me of my mom is by Rascal Flatts called "My Wish"  its goes somewhat like this..." I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow, and each road leads you where you want to go. My wish for you is your dreams stay big and your worries stay small".  With God in the center of her life, she can't go wrong, her heart is as big as the world.

AMAZING GRACE....how sweet the sound.  there is nothing more i enjoy then to hear my mom sing in church or in the car, or as she is cooking, she has a voice like an angel...I can hear her singing Are you washed in the blood"   " I love to tell the story" (of unseen things above, of Jesus and His glory, of Jesus and his love)...." Love lifted me", "Sweet hour of prayer", "Because He lives", " I know whom I have believed"."He hideth my soul" (in the depths of His love and covers me there with His hand).. so many more  hymns, "To God be the Glory, great things He hath done"

not just is my mom the best mom ever, but she is an amazing grandmother (actually she is "Nanny")  She has 3 grandchilden and now a great grand-daughter and hopefully more on the way soon..hint hint Michael and
Beatriz!

I read this poem and its so fitting for my mom.....My mother kept a garden, a garden of the heart.  She planted all the good things that gave my life a start.  She turned me to the sunshine and encouraged me to dream, fostering and nurturing the seeds of self-esteem.  And when the winds and rains came she protected me enough, but not too much because she knew I needed to grow strong and tough.  Her constant good example always taught me right from wrong.  Markers for my pathway that will last a lifetime long.  I am in my mothers garden.  I am her legacy and I hope today she feels the love reflected back from me.

Not only does my mother keep a garden of the heart, she keeps a veggie garden.  overflowing with cucumbers, okra, tomatoes, green beans, zuchni.  when i get to go there, we love a dinner of just garden stuff.

not only does my mom keep a garden of the heart and a veggie garden, but she has a beautiful flower garden....flowers everywhere, every color imaginable...the memorial garden they have in memory of my brother is so serine and peaceful, to watch the humming birds flutter around, the millions of butterflies ( they mean the most to me) ...she definelty knows how to grow any garden!

As a mother, my mother takes care of the possible...and trusts God with the impossible.  She is the food that satisfies  my hungry spirit.  She is my shelter from the storm, she is a nursemaid that heals all hurts.  She is the wind that lifts me up when I have fallen.  She is encouragment that guides me forward.  She is the love that brought me here... and the heart daily praying me through. She is my mother!

i love this picture of us.... my me-ma, my mom's mom, nae mike and I.  so woven together.  My mother is someone who can take the place of everyone eles, but no one in the world can take her place, is it ok  to say again that my mother is an angel on earth!

how can these 3 grandchildren ever get so lucky and blessed? a grandmother that laughs with them, prays with them and for them, spoils them, teaches them, brags on them and just loves them!

Dear mom.... you have had such a profound influence in my life.  The English language doesn't break down enough to describe my appreciation and love for you. You are one of my biggest fans, i can do this, what I do because of you, you give me strenght and believe in me. I hope you had a wonderful birthday and may God continue to bless you year after year.

Just remember mom... "YOU ARE MY HERO AND EVERYTHING I WOULD LIKE  TO BE, I CAN FLY HIGHER THAN AN EAGLE, FOR YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS....

I LOVE YOU WITH EVERYTHING I AM AND MORE....

BECAUSE OF HIS "AMAZING GRACE"....