DIFFERENT KINDS OF SILENCE... Sometimes I'm silent, not because I don't have anything to say.... but because I don't know if you are ready to hear what i have to say. The silence after a lawnmower turns off.... The silence of a house left empty except for you... The silence after a car alarm shuts off at 2 am... The silence after the train's whistle passes through town... The silence of an unreplied to email, similar to but different from a silent phone, which is similar to but different from a text that hasn't had a response.... There is the silence of when everything has been said, yet sometimes it's said best when nothing is said at all.... The silence of a crying baby lullied to sleep, or the silence of a small child play oh too quietly in the other room..... The silence in between the every 8 second fog horn.... The silence between fireworks or gunshots..... The silence when you are not heard..... The silence when an unanswered phone stops ringing..... The silence at the bottom of a coffee cup.... The silence at the end of the book..... The silence of a thank you not never sent. The silence of a thank you card never recieved.... The silence of an apoligy you never made or recieved.... The silence when you can hear a pin drop... The silence when an air conditioner shuts off.... The silence when the crickets stop chirping.... The silence when the run drops stop... The silence after the last tear drops... THE HARDEST SILENCE..... the silence after s

                          DIFFERENT KINDS OF SILENCE...

Sometimes I'm silent, not because I don't have anything to say.... but because I don't know if you are ready to hear what i have to say.

The silence after a lawnmower turns off....

The silence of a house left empty except for you...

The silence after a car alarm shuts off at 2 am...

The silence after the train's whistle passes through town...

The silence of an unreplied to email, similar to but different from a silent phone, which is similar to but different from a text that hasn't had a response....

There is the silence of when everything has been said, yet sometimes it's said best when nothing is said at all....

The silence of a crying baby lullied to sleep, or the silence of a small child play oh too quietly in the other room.....

The silence in between the every 8 second fog horn....

The silence between fireworks or gunshots.....

The silence when you are not heard.....

The silence when an unanswered phone stops ringing.....

The silence at the bottom of a coffee cup....

The silence at the end of the book.....

The silence of a thank you not never sent.  The silence of a thank you card never recieved....

The silence of an apoligy you never made or recieved....

The silence when you can hear a pin drop...

The silence when an air conditioner shuts off....

The silence when the crickets stop chirping....

The silence when the run drops stop...

The silence after the last tear drops...

THE HARDEST SILENCE..... the silence after someone's last breath

NEW YEAR...NEW YOU....

If new things scare you....I completely get it.  I'm the type of person who would always eat the same things at the same restaurant, wear the same type of clothes, watch similar television shows, but I'm learning that variety is the spice of life.  We hear that all the time and I'm finally seeing that its true.  It's good to force yourself out of your little safe comfortable zone and experience new things, new tastes, sounds, smells, recipes, projects and so on.

 

We should face our fears....

We should never stop learning......

We should constantly challenging ourselves....

We should never stop caring...

We should never stop helping others....

We should never stop loving....

 

I say in this new year, we challenge ourselves... we step outside our comfort zone or be improving in at least one area in each facet of our life including  personal, family, work and fun.  This way we are being stretched and challenged in a few different directions and can find balance.  Take a class, learn a skill, try a new recipe, experiment with a new do it yourself project, develop a new friendship, read a new kind of book, or try a new fitness routine.  The possibilities are endless!

 

Whatever it is you chose, though, make sure that its ultimately blessing your life, not serving as  burden of guilt or making you feel like a failure.

 

Challenging yourself to always be learning will not only inspire your creativity and motivate you to think outside the box, but it will give you a new zest and passion for life.  New experiences will provide new stories, new memories, new questions to ponder and new view points to consider.

 

On this note.... I think I will challenge myself and....

 

try Thai food

read a Danielle Steele book

try a new recipe once a week

take a class to learn more on the computer

wear my fitbit  more

go on a cruise

start a charity

 

 

and its all becuz of HIS AMAZING GRACE.......



 

MY STORY......

 

 

I believe we all have a story to tell, a song to sing, a dance to dance, a dream to dream, a goal to reach, a life to live, places to see, and people to love.  We are all so different and that is what makes us each so unique and special.  My story is one of finding peace, of being kind, never taking anything or anyone for granted, loving music and letting the beat and lyrics speak to my soul, its staying focused on my addiction and taking one day at a time, hating the disease of addiction yet loving the addict, praying for world peace, for those who fight for our country and put their lives on the line for us, loving my family, coffee with my friends, cooking, encouraging others, lending a hand, seeing the good in others, using my imagination, the ocean, gardening, hummingbirds, being a wife, a daughter, enjoying motherhood and being a MiMi, butterflies, writing, loving and giving all thanks to God!

It takes courage to share our stories in a vulnerable way.  No matter how small or mundane our stories seem to us...share them...we never know the outcome, the difference it may make.  so, join me on this journey and share your stories....we are able to do this ....

 

"BECAUSE OF HIS AMAZING GRACE"

BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED....OR NOT?

We can't always choose the cards we have been dealt....but we can learn to play them.  Kind of like "Bloom where you are planted"...( and I added "or not" to my title, after some deep consideration)

 

I have always liked this saying and truly believed it, until recently hearing and seeing a few peoples situations.  I even have this on several signs in my yard and have offered this advise to others!  For many, it probably is still great advice and words to live by, yet I think there are always a few exceptions, so I threw the "or not" in my title and will touch on it slightly.

 

If you're like me, you probably aren't where you want to be in life and may even still be thinking or saying "when I grow up... I want to be or do..."  Yet, we keep doing what we do during the day and dream our dreams at night.  After all, keeping our dreams alive is what uplifts the human spirit.  Yes, I am that dream-weaver....(I believe you can get me through the night, dream-weaver I believe we can reach the morning light)  I was going to add a quick side note in here about dreams or bucket lists and a few of mine, but heck, it turned into a complete blog in itself, guess that will be my next blog, since I have or had so many dreams....some I reached, some I chose to give up on and still some I continue to dream about!

 

I will get back to" bloom where you are planted or not"... I do believe every step in life prepares us for the next one.  No matter where we are in life we have been provided vital life lessons for what's next.  Our life is like a book, and we don't need to be judged by the cover.  Every chapter builds a foundation to the next chapter.  Some chapters are better than others, some are longer, some are shorter, some more exciting and adventures and some are scary and not so good.  It's easier said than done to bloom where you are planted, but to truly blossom we have to stop complaining.  (I love that challenge many have taken where you don't complain for 24 hours, not once!  try it, not so easy).  Maya Angelou was famous for many things she said one being "if you don't like something, change it.  If you cant change it, change your attitude about it."   Of coarse there are situations that cannot be changed, but...we must learn to rise above it.  Whatever we focus on (positive or negative) whichever one we choose it has a tendency to expand, so yes, we need to breathe in and use our energy towards positive things in life.

 

Bloom where you are planted....we can look for ways to be a blessing to somebody.  Research even shows that helping others make us happier!  Sounds like a win-win situation to me....not only increasing our own happiness and blooming, we have a positive effect on others!  I once had this book (I'm sure I still have it, just haven't seen it in a few years) called Bloom where you are planted.  It's a daily devotional for women who are stepping out in faith and answering God's calling in unique ways.  Sometimes, blooming where you are planted is one of the most difficult and challenging things to do.

Most people literally think of the analogy of a flower blooming....it doesn't happen overnight.  It's a process.  It usually takes some nurturing from both Mother Nature and the gardener...water, sunlight and shade.  The result is a colorful bloom that adds beauty to our surroundings and often brings smiles to our faces.  This same analogy can be used for us.  We can be compared to the flower.  We need to be nurtured, we need more rest, work less, eat healthier, get more active.  When we take care of ourselves we will bloom also!  We will feel stronger, happier, determined and beautiful!

Ok,  while in the middle of writing this blog I had to take a break and go to a dental appointment.  While I was waiting in the reception area, I picked up a book and the first page I turned to (page 143)...coincidence....I think not!  A two page testimonial written by a local woman from a local church here in town.  It was title "My garden".  This lady was describing a plant that she had planted in her yard.  It was a flowering plant and she enjoyed looking at it.  Like I had just talked about and compared a blooming plant to a blooming heart/life, this lady was doing the same thing.  This beautiful plant that she planted in her yard was starting to take over and there were sprigs of new life sprouting up all over her yard, even in places she didn't want it to grow.  It was choking out everything else that was beautiful.  (reminds me of my morning glory...even though it brings so much glory in the morning, it takes take over!)  She had to remove the new growth and the roots.  The root system has become so strong, it was an everyday battle to keep it from taking over her yard again.  This lady also compared this to a planting in her heart.  You see, she had been going through a difficult and painful time which she realized she was planting or experiencing a lot of bitterness and resentment.  She went on to say just like the flower that was sprouting up everywhere so was the bitterness and resentment in areas of her life.  When she finally realized that this bitterness was actually sin in her life, she went to God and asked for forgiveness.  Just like the flowers root system, sin is an everyday battle, we don't want it to take away from our blooming.  Sometimes we have to do some uprooting in our lives and heart so we can bloom to our fullest!

Ok, so here is the other part or the flip side of the coin....the title of my blog "bloom where you are planted, OR NOT"... most of us have given this advise or even received this advise, (the bloom where you are planted part!)  Sounds like good advise, but is it just surface advise and could it be dangerous advise?

Let's think about it....we wouldn't plant a seed in a toxic waste dump.  Sure you could dig a perfect hole, water it, give it sunlight and air, but no amount of tending that seed would produce fruit, and even if it did....would you want to eat it?  A seed must be placed in fertile healthy soil or it will not be all it was meant to be.  Not only is it true in nature, but it's true with you and me.  If we are in a toxic environment, surrounded by people (or a person) places and things that poison us, think about it, would we grow and flourish or bloom?  Would we produce something good for the world around us?  Or would we be wasting our time, our talents and our gifts God has entrusted us with.  We have all been there, thinking we are not enough, didn't have an important job, didn't make enough money, not loved by someone, we have been made to feel small and inadequate.   There is a lot of world out there, filled with lots of people and lots of opportunity.  We need to make it our mission to bloom on fertile ground, not toxic ground....and don't put our roots down until we find it. (or make the mistake like I did and plant some of my tomatoe plants to early and then sure enough we have another freeze, kind of a set-up, actually I had spring fever!)

Right, kind of controversial, since "bloom where you are planted" is popular advise given by many friends, family and leaders that encourage mankind and teach us not to just jump ship everytime the going gets tough.  I agree- I get it, we do need to work through difficult times.  At the same time, we DO need to seek joy and contentment.  We DO need to get honest about our abilities and know how to put them to good use.

So, maybe what we should do is "don't seek to bloom where we are planted but plant ourselves where we can bloom." This is our life and we can make a different choice.  I love the verse in the Bible from Galatians 5:22-23  But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

All Because of His Amazing Grace.......

 



CLAIMED LUGGAGE.......

This afternoon (Sunday afternoon, when i wrote this but just getting around to posting till now) 2 things happened.  Well, 2 things that made me think and write this blog.

 

Renee's gonna be mad at me, but anyways!  She still had a suitcase on her bed from Steve and Bri's wedding in Vegas, still filled with clothes, this is her MO though, so nothing new!  I also had two suitcases in the garage in my way on a daily basis that had been returned by friends who had borrowed them.  So today, it was time to get the ladder and put these 3 suitcases in their place up in the rafters of the garage.

 

At first, I thought about just leaving the suitcases down because in 3 weeks they will be packed and on a plane to Missouri.  A very important and meaningful visit to my mama and daddys.  My daddy turns 75.

 

Thinking about a suitcase and how carefully and thought out and packed and repacked several times, how much can I fit in and still keep it under 50 pounds, made me visualize a couple of things.  One being the Sacramento airport in the baggage claim area where they have a display of mismatched luggage.  Stacked from floor to ceiling....it made me think about the many times I made it to my destination and my luggage didn't!  This past Christmas to Orlando for an MPS convention for example I got there before my luggage, but it all worked out!

 

Back to the unclaimed luggage.....hard to imagine, how people forget to claim their suitcases.  I mean, don't they think about that piece of luggage which contains their clothes, make-up, shoes, hairdryer and pajamas.  There are mounds and mounds of forgotten, abandoned and I'm sure many are just lost or misplaced or were sent to the wrong airport with a stroke of a key.  Yet, there are just sitting there waiting to be claimed.

 

The more life experiences I live through, the more I'm convinced that fulfilling my purpose isn't just automatic.  I sure wish I didn't miss anything important, but I honestly can't say that.  I know I don't accomplish everything I'm meant to do...not that I don't want to.  I'm not perfect (but who is?) but I am a work in progress.  I have learned life is mine to claim, yet I don't always reach for more.  Why is that?  Maybe I find it hard to believe there could be more to than me than what I see.  Maybe it is the fear of failure.  Maybe it is the anxiety of the unknown, or even having others watch and possible judgement.  

 

As we were putting the luggage away, I couldn't help but compare the baggage claim area in Sacramento airport where the luggage is stacked from the floor to ceiling to possibly a room filled from floor to ceiling with all the good things meant for me....to be, to have, to do and to give.  Yes, I want it all, don't we all?  It's got my name on it and if it's meant for me and if God truly believes I am equipped to carry the weight of it, then yes I want it ...I want to claim it.

 

Let's think about this for a minute and ask ourselves.  "What if there's more waiting for us to claim?"

 

*maybe deeper love for family and friends and strangers

*a greater purpose and fulfillment in our careers

*blessings beyond our hopes and needs

*more for us to contribute and give to the world around us

*to leave a legacy that would shape generations to come

*opportunities to share our experiences, hopes and strengths with others

 

Phil 4:13 always comes to mind and God's words that I try to live by "all things are possible with Jesus" and I know God has a plan for me and for you and we need to just claim it!

 

All because of His Amazing Grace.....



LET'S PLAY CATCH UP....

Let's play catch up, shall we?  About 3 months ago, I resigned from my job of 34 years....

 

It was unexpected, it was confusing, heartbreaking and very strange.  I do not have a new job yet.  I have tossed the idea around, looked here and there, learned how to make a resume, what career-builder.com is, ihiredental, ziprecruiter and so on.  I have no prospects, no ideas and no plans, and right now that works pretty well for me.  I have been enjoying time doing things I love with the people I love.  Taking the time to get back to some things I'm about.  I miss my job, my friends, my patients and doing what I do well.  I'm not sure if the dental field is where I see myself, even though I completely miss it.  After all, it's all I've known the past 34 years.  I have turned this over to God, and truly believe He will show me His plans for me.  In the meantime I have been busy day in and day out.  I have gotten some projects around the house done, had some great conversations over breakfast and lunch with family and friends, have been able to spend some great quality time with my mother in law, spend some time at the feedstore showing them my painting skills and been able to persue another passion of mine.  I've taken a lot of pictures....you may call it picture overload, but I love it!  I haven't been able to figure out my new computer so I am using my old old one that doesn't have any more room for pictures and keeps telling me the disk is full, so I am not able to post any pictures onto my blog for now but hope to get that fixed tomorrow.  So for now, just imagine my picture overload and all the wonderful things I am so grateful for the last 3 months.....

 

*becoming a part of a life group at church

*planting flowers and starting my vegtable garden

*spending the best quality time with Miss Mila when her mama and daddy work

*sewing

*crocheting

*making my wonderful husband's lunch each day

*enjoying the app on my phone following the growth of my grandson

*park time with gabriel

*being able to be there when viana gets school awards

*fixing meals for friends and kids

*making viana's 10th birthday cake

*more camping

*more walks on the beach

*more reading & writing

*writing cards

*taking pictures

*(YES I have pictures of each of these things, I just cant post them from here:(

 

It's just amazing how much I am blessed....blessed beyond measure...and I never want to take one day or one minute for granted.  Two things that stay in my heart each day is a praise song I learned at a women's retreat a few months ago and I find myself singing it outloud all the time "I've got so much to praise Him for, so much to thank Him for" and  the last sermon I heard at my mama and daddys church the pastor had us say over and over "God is good all the time and all the time God is good"  Two of my daily mottos and I hold them close to my heart and wanted to share with you...

 

ALL BECAUSE OF HIS AMAZING GRACE.....



JUST A BUMP IN THE ROAD....

It's still a terrible disease that affects millions of lives.  It affects sons and daughters, husbands and wives and moms and dads.  It doesn't discriminate.  Instead of asking "why me?" my mama always asked "why not me?"   She has continued to be strong and an inspiration to everyone she knows.  My mama has never given up ( not that there weren't times it probably crossed her mind for a minute).  She has fought and continues to fight.  she has never lost her faith, and she turned all this over to God, after all,  He is the greatest physician.

 

 

This isn't the first time I have blogged about my beautiful mama and it sure won't be the last either.  I will never run out of things to write about her!  Had I had it over, I would of keep up on a more current blog and shared her entire journey.

 

Cancer has been a huge part of her journey.  The first diagnois coming in I believe 1988...ovareian cancer.  It didn't stop there.  In 2000, breast and lympathtic cancer.  she has always said, "its just a bump in the road of life"  I do know not every road in life is always straight and smooth, not always paved.  In fact, they can be bumpy and curvy, but they are all full of lessons to be learned as you travel along them. ( my point being, she has taught me these are just bumps in the road, not the end).  Exactly 11 years later....the breast cancer is back...another bump in the road, second mascestomy.  I have seen her hurt from every hair focile to the tip of her toes and everything in between, yet she never gave up hope, nor let us.

 

Guess you could say my mama was a member of the coolest club you NEVER want to join.  Not a gardening club, a gym or an enjoyable hobby club, but the cancer club.  From the second she walked through the doors of the cancer treatment facilities she was initiated as a new member, with all the benefits...the good and the bad.  The bad thing is she had CANCER.  A lot of times the good can be overlooked.  There are some of the most loving and compassionate nurses, receptionists, x-rays techs and even most of the doctors.  In todays society, many would find this remarkable.  But what 's even more remarkable is all the faces looking out from the treatment area.  Sitting as comfortable as possible from their lazy boy recliners, needles and tubes coming out of their ports, hanging from IV poles, they still find the joy, the happiness, the comfort and smiles from one another knowing they are not in this alone.  And, you don't have to impress anyone, you don't have to wear make-up, do your hair (since most don't have any), the others don't judge you, they accept you and this acceptance gives you the courage to reach out to others, share your journey and find new friends.  Don't get me wrong, its not all rainbows and candy, there were plenty of tears, and fears of the unknown.  I think the hardest part of being in this Cancer Club was knowing some of them would get sicker, some surgeries may not get all of the tumors and some will die sooner than later.  I know there were times it was hard for my mama to watch her fellow club members get sicker and feel sicker herself, sure she along with the other members wanted Out!  They surely didn't want to renew their subscription/membership, but they kept on encouraging one another, holding them up in pray and positive thoughts, and you NEVER gave up.  I am grateful for all the supportive people in her life, both in the professional field and her personal life. 

 

 

CANCER can do a lot of things, yet there are a lot of things it cannot do:

*it cannot cripple love

*it cannot shatter hope

*it cannot take away peace

*it cannot kill friendships

*it cannot shut out memories

*it cannot squash the spirit

 

My mama has boundaries and refuses to let it take much away for....for that she is my hero, my inspiration.

 

I've shared songs, Bible verses, stories and memories about my mom.  There is one that stands out for me.  Proverbs 31:28 "Her children arise and call her blessed"  the footnote states "blessed is the one who enjoys happy circumstances and from whom joy radiates."  There are not better words to describe my mama!

 

Spring 2012...more....Melanoma

 

Christmas 2013...yet another diagnois

 

the CAT Scan showed spots on her liver, gallbladder and lung.  Small but there....once again just a bump in the road right?  Chemo dosage is now a part of her daily life and all the side effects.

 

 

Feb 2015....more scans, including bone scans.  I have to say with all her aches, pains, headaches, dizzy spells, nauesness and tiredness we weren't ( or I should speak for myself) sure what was next, but I don't think anyone would blame us.  Finally some news that was like music to our ears...no bone cancer, few areas of concern and further consults, blood work and testing, and sure a port may be placed and medications changed and more bumps in the road but for now NO BONE CANCER!!   PRASIE GOD!

 

I'm just amazed and in awe at her strength, her attitude, her compassion, her love, her courage and  most important her faith and how obedient she is....she not only loves the Lord God with all her heart and soul, but she loves her neighbor and does and gives to so many.

 

There are so many beautiful things in life, and sometimes they come in pairs, dozens, hundreds and millions such as flowers, sunsets, rainbows and the stars but my mama STANDS ALONE....SHE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON I KNOW.

 

AND ALL OF THIS BECAUSE OF HIS AMAZING GRACE.......